“…There’s No Way To Conceive The Right Plans In My Head… …I Just Can’t Hold Them Down…” ((“6AM” by FITZ And THE TANTRUMS))

…

“…All My Hopes…

…They Stay Curled In–Between These Four Walls…

…And I Can‘t Shake Them Out…”

…

“…It‘s 6 In The Morning…

…I‘m Still Awake…

…My Sleepless Heart Is Torn–Up, Babe…

…Our Love Song‘s On The Radio…

…But These Words I Hear…

…They‘re Not For Me…

…No…

…6 In The Morning…

…I‘m Still Awake…

…My Sleepless Heart Is Torn–Up, Babe…

…Our Love Song‘s On The Radio…

…But These Words I Hear…

…They‘re Not For Me…

…No…”

…

“…I‘m Tryin‘ To Keep Up…

…Tryin‘ To Move On…

…Beyond This Pain…

…Before I Break. …”

…

…

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Well, Kiddies, this song…

“6AM“

by FITZ And THE TANTRUMS

…has very quickly become my new favorite jam of the past year.

I’ve been a huge fan of FITZ And THE TANTRUMS for the past couple of years…

…and coming-up very soon I’ll be seeing them LIVE in concert!!!

They’ll be playing THE PAGEANT in good ole St. Louis, MO.

I’ve already got my tickets ordered, and am just waiting for them to arrive in the mail.

I’m very Very VERY EXCITED, to say the very Very VERY LEAST!

😀

This album…

“MORE THAN JUST A DREAM“

…is just as good, if not better, than their previous work.

And this song…

“6AM“

…is by far Far FAR MY Favorite!!!

I do hope y’all enjoy hearing it.

If you do, let me know.

If you don’t, let me know.

If you’re indifferent?

Hmm.

Eh, sure, let me know.

😉

I know I don’t put-out a ton of original work anymore, but I’ve been so highly addicted to this jam I just had Had HAD to share it with you, My Peeps!

Y’all take care.

Be Good…

…OR…

…Be Good At It.

Well, I know it has been a long long while…

…But I sincerely felt the need to do-up a quick post for y’all.

You see, I got to spend tonight conversing with a close friend.

It had been forever and a day since we’d spent any time together, and the conversation was exceptionally enlightening.

We talked about this and that, and it was all very helpful to me.

Eventually, the conversation turned to life, love, and relationships.

He bluntly stated that I sincerely need to make-my-move on my best friend.

We’ve been the best of friends for quite some time, and it’s no secret at all that I’ve been madly in-love with him for the past two years.

It’s an odd situation, to say the least.

Honestly, I would have made my move a long while ago, but I just haven’t felt like the timing was proper.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want him.

Yes, I’d give anything to make him mine Mine MINE.

The biggest reason I haven’t made said move is because I don’t sincerely believe he would say “YES!” to my proposal.

I know it’s odd for a man to be madly in-love with his best friend, but it’s a situation I simply cannot escape.

Soooooo…

…what do I do???

He knows I love him.

He knows I care about him above all others.

He knows I’d marry him at the drop of a hat.

Sadly, I think that’s why nothing has progressed between us.

There’s no challenge.

There’s no mystery.

There’s simply He and I.

The thing is, not much would honestly change between us if we did become an exclusive item.

I just don’t know what to do, kiddies.

I’m happy.

I’m comfortable.

But, alas, I want MORE.

Period.

So, again, what does one do???

How do you tell the person you consider your closest companion that you would be even happier and more contented if he would simply marry you???

His family is in my corner.

Our friends are in my corner.

Everyone of any importance in our worlds seem to feel that we would be the ideal couple.

I totally agree.

The thing is, I don’t think he does.

That’s what’s most difficult.

If he would only say “YES!” to my advances, I’m sure life would grow by leaps and bounds.

I am a man in-lust.

I am a man in-love.

I am a man who wants what he wants, and I’m getting sick and tired of feeling unwanted and under-appreciated.

So, again, I ask “WHAT DO I DO???”

Do I throw caution to the wind and simply go for it?

Or, should I simply be contented with things as they are?

I know, I know…

…I’ve written about this same subject many a time, but the issue continues to plague me.

Am I happy? YES.

Could I be much much happier? YES YES.

And, would I give a year of my life to simply know the answer to the question that continues to haunt my day to day existence? YES YES YES.

It makes me feel pathetic at times, but I don’t rightly care.

I want what I want.

And all I want is HIM.

Period. Period. Period.

“I’m Not Going Down On My Knees, Begging You To Adore Me…”

“…Can’t You See It’s Misery, And Torture For Me?

When I’m Misunderstood…

…Try As Hard As You Can…

…I’ve Tried As Hard As I Could…

…To Make You See…

…How Important It Is For Me.”

“Here Is A Plea…

…From My Heart To You…

…Nobody Knows Me…

…As Well As You Do…

…You Know How Hard It Is For Me…

…To SHAKE THE DISEASE…

…That Takes Hold Of My Tongue In Situations Like These.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me. …”

… … … … … … …

… … … … …

… … …

…

I’ve had this song…

“SHAKE THE DISEASE“

by DEPECHE MODE

…on my mind for a few days, now.

It’s a song I’ve known, seemingly, forever.

And, yet, it has been locked inside my brain-case, rolling around over and over again.

It’s a song that says a helluva lot, especially to me.

Especially right now.

You see, I’m still dealing with the most common issue I’ve discussed with y’all many times over…

…LOVE.

Or, well, a lack-there-of.

I still find myself fighting a personal battle with myself over the whole idea of Love, Loving, Being In-Love, and Being In-Love with someone I probably shouldn’t be In-Love with at all.

It’s just life, I know that.

It’s just a normal thing, right?

Riiiiiiight???

Hmm.

I just feel this song says exactly what I NEED it to say.

Exactly what I WANT to say, but can’t.

I remain a man lost in the throws of love and passion.

Time continues to pass me by, and yet my feelings remain the same.

I’m still In-Love.

I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to fight what seems to be a losing battle.

No one loses all the time.

There are always some elated moments of bliss.

Those moments when you’re very Very VERY sure everything is working-out and going your way.

They’re very few and far between, but they’re there.

They do exist.

I know they do, as I experience them.

And I relish in them.

But, it’s simply getting harder and harder to truly feel as though everything really is going to work-out.

I want it to.

I want nothing more than that.

I just don’t know if it’s really going to happen.

I went to bed last night with this song blaring in my mind.

I awoke this morning, and my first thought, again, was this song.

I knew the only way to get it out of my head was to write something about it.

To get it out of me and onto this screen.

And, so, here I am.

Writing about this to all of you.

Not knowing what I really want/need to be saying.

Just knowing that I MUST MUST MUST say something.

Period.

“My Trials and Tribulations with Dreaming”

Having a bad Reality, at times, is one thing.
Having bad Dreams all night about said bad Reality???
O M F G it S U C K S.
The one place I hope to escape to…
…continues to be one more place I can’t really get to.
I really was a much happier person when I could go to sleep and it was like stepping off into the blackness of space (((because I’d be in such a deep deep sleep))).
Now, it’s like falling off of a cliff into a world of twisted and fucked half-memories.

—

I try to change my current Reality, in the hopes of bettering my future Reality.
But, when it comes to past Reality, I’m helpless.
We all are, I know that.
So…
…I guess I really need to learn how to change my Dreams.
Riiiiiiiiiiight?

Mkay.

Sooo…

…HOW DOES ONE DO THAT???

—

At moments like this, I truly envy people like My Father.

He always told me he rarely, if ever, remembers his Dreams.

I remember the bulk of mine.

And mine are rarely, if ever, pleasant.

Even those with pleasant moments are often still bad Bad BAD Dreams.

It really is ALMOST enough to push a person tooooooooooooooooo far, sometimes.

—

Sleep is supposed to be restful, riiiiight?

You’re not supposed to feel worse when you awaken of a morning, correct??

And, YES, I’ve had sleep-studies done.

Nothing wrong with my breathing, nor anything else they could honestly measure.

I’ve talked to ((literally)) dozens of shrinks in my lifetime.

I’ve taken every medication they can think of to sling in my direction.

And, yet, here I sit.

Typing this.

Telling you, My Peeps, instead of yet another doctor that doesn’t seem to understand a goddamn thing about Me, nor My Situation.

—

I don’t want a lot of My Memories.

I don’t want a lot of My Reality.

But, MOST OF ALL, I don’t want to keep having these Dreams.

I accept My Memories.

I accept some of My Reality.

But, I do NOT accept that My “Dreamland” must be tainted.

I can’t accept that.

I won’t accept that.

Period.

Bradley Alan, this is Brad…

…You really Really REALLY need to shut–down that lovely brain of yours.

You‘re really Really REALLY driving me crazier than I thought possible.

There is way Way WAY tooooooo much going on in here right now.

I‘m getting tired.

Aren‘t you???

Please???

–ME/YOU

I Am About To Watch One Of These Two JAMES BOND Flicks. Which Would YOU Watch First???

Later Nights… …Earlier Mornings: An Insomniac’s Tale of Life and Love

I’m not altogether sure where this is going to go…

…BUT…

…I am sure it’s going to go somewhere.

So stick with me, please?

Thanks!

… … …

.. ..

.

Have you ever been torn, My Peeps?

Wow.

Wait.

Okay, I do realize that can be taken sooooo many ways…

(((many of them dirty dirty)))

…so I’ll do my best to clarify.

Have you ever been torn by LOVE?

Knowing you want to be with someone, but knowing you really enjoy the person you’re with at that moment?

Well…

…it has happened to me.

It has happened multiple times, honest.

As far back as I could remember, I was generally with one person while already having wanted, and still wanting, to be with a certain someone else.

I get with someone because they’re very special to me, but all the while I have someone else on the front of my brain.

Someone else whom I already love/want/need/require.

Someone else whom I know I probably can never, and will never, truly call “MINE.”

And, no matter how wonderful things might become with the one person, you still yearn for the certain someone else.

Knowing/Hoping/Feeling/Thinking things WOULD be better if you were truly with the someone else.

It’s crazy, I know.

But, I also believe it to be human nature.

Right?

I mean, it is, right?

“The Grass Is Always Greener Somewhere F*ckin’ Else, And All That Jazz!”

That’s how that goes, riiiiiiight?

Hmm.

Moving On.

Until last night, I truly was torn.

Torn between the lover I once had, whom is now an exceptionally close friend…

…and the man I’ve loved for over a year, whom isn’t mine in any way except in the ways that should truly truly matter.

I’ve been torn, because I can’t spend all the time with the both of them that I’d really like.

And, honestly, it had become harder to juggle.

Last night, however, I had a long talk with the now friend (former lover).

We discussed so much, it was amazing.

He’s not the easiest to speak to at times when the conversation is of a personal nature such as this one was.

But, last night, he was jovial.

He was kind.

He was insightful.

He was respectful.

And he flat-out told me that he felt things would be better for ME if I really did spend more time with the someone else.

He’s not dismissing me.

We’re still going to see each other a lot.

But, now, I truly have the freedom to spend all the time with the someone else whenever I choose.

I won’t have to dance around and be pissy because I have to cancel on one to see the other.

My friend wishes me to explore things with the someone else, knowing now how I truly feel.

Thing is, all of this took place around MIDNIGHT.

And it didn’t end there.

My friend and I stayed up talking for hours and hours, and it was a truly grand experience.

We watched some “BATTLESTAR GALACTICA” and some “STAR TREK: TNG”…

…and then we watched “DARKMAN” on the Blu-ray.

By 3:30am, I was texting with the someone else.

And things couldn’t be better, at least in regard to all of the before mentioned.

We’re cool.

We’re all cool.

So, for the first time in a long time, the tension I’ve felt has lifted.

I feel amazingly contented and relaxed.

I’m happy.

Happy to know I didn’t lose a good friend.

Happy to know I didn’t lose the man I love.

Happy to know things are working out exactly as I had hoped, instead of how I had sadly expected.

Expectations can be a major High, or a major Low Low Low.

I was in the midst of a Low Low Low mindset toward my Expectations.

Instead, I was surprised with the elation of everything working out as I’d truly hoped hoped hoped they would.

Amazing.

I finally went to sleep around 5:30am…

…and was awake and writing this by 7:30am.

I know good moods aren’t forever.

They don’t last.

They can’t last.

Not really real ones.

But, for now, I’m into a really good mood mindset.

And I’m really hoping it’s able to perpetuate for a while.

That would be very nice.

I could use more good days.

This is the first time in a long long long time my not being able to sleep has led to something positive.

Insomnia almost always sucks ass.

Last night, it was an asset.

Go figure, eh?

Yeah.

Go figure.

😉

“Let Justice Be Done, Though The Heavens Fall.” –WILLIAM WATSON

-=WILLIAM WATSON=-

({(1559–1603)})

({(ROMAN CATHOLIC PRIEST)})

({(Convicted Of Treason And Executed In December, 1603)})

How Does One Cure The Ill Feelings Of A Bad Day?

—With Homemade BLACKBERRY COBBLER, That’s How!!!—

-{{{MMM!!!}}}-

(((***I Even Helped With Picking The Berries!!!***)))

😀      😀      😀

—{([***Sooooo Tassssssty!!!***])}—