“My Trials and Tribulations with Dreaming”

Having a bad Reality, at times, is one thing.
Having bad Dreams all night about said bad Reality???
O M F G it S U C K S.
The one place I hope to escape to…
…continues to be one more place I can’t really get to.
I really was a much happier person when I could go to sleep and it was like stepping off into the blackness of space (((because I’d be in such a deep deep sleep))).
Now, it’s like falling off of a cliff into a world of twisted and fucked half-memories.

I try to change my current Reality, in the hopes of bettering my future Reality.
But, when it comes to past Reality, I’m helpless.
We all are, I know that.
…I guess I really need to learn how to change my Dreams.




At moments like this, I truly envy people like My Father.

He always told me he rarely, if ever, remembers his Dreams.

I remember the bulk of mine.

And mine are rarely, if ever, pleasant.

Even those with pleasant moments are often still bad Bad BAD Dreams.

It really is ALMOST enough to push a person tooooooooooooooooo far, sometimes.

Sleep is supposed to be restful, riiiiight?

You’re not supposed to feel worse when you awaken of a morning, correct??

And, YES, I’ve had sleep-studies done.

Nothing wrong with my breathing, nor anything else they could honestly measure.

I’ve talked to ((literally)) dozens of shrinks in my lifetime.

I’ve taken every medication they can think of to sling in my direction.

And, yet, here I sit.

Typing this.

Telling you, My Peeps, instead of yet another doctor that doesn’t seem to understand a goddamn thing about Me, nor My Situation.

I don’t want a lot of My Memories.

I don’t want a lot of My Reality.

But, MOST OF ALL, I don’t want to keep having these Dreams.

I accept My Memories.

I accept some of My Reality.

But, I do NOT accept that My “Dreamland” must be tainted.

I can’t accept that.

I won’t accept that.


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

The Song Stuck In My Head That ALSO Makes Me Smile: “THE GREAT PRETENDER” by THE PLATTERS (1955)

“…Too Real

Is This Feeling

Of Make-Believe

Too Real

When I Feel

What My Heart

Can’t Conceal…”



Just Laughing

And Gay

Like A Clown

I Seem To Be

What I’m Not

You See

I’m Wearing

My Heart

Like A Crown


That You’re

Still Around.”




I Suppose I Was Just Feeling Very Nostalgic, My Peeps.

That’s My Best Almost Answer.

I Found, As I Sat Down To Write This, I Could Go In Many Different Directions With It.

At First…

…I Was Going To Talk About Past Loves…

…Their Impact Upon My Life…

…Past AND Present…

…But I Just Couldn’t Bring Myself To Do So.

I Didn’t See Any Way Of Doing That Without Rubbing-Raw Some Already Tender Feelings…

…Both Mine AND Other Peeps.

I’ve Been A Pretty Damned Decent Pretender Most Of My Life.

Especially In Matters Of Love.

So Why Be An Asshole About It And Upset The Sliver Of Balance I Cling Tenaciously To?

Exactly, My Peeps.

Why, Indeed.

So I Won’t Do That.

It’s Not Something That Has To Happen, Therefore It Won’t, Until It Does.

Sound Fair Enough?


Sounds That Way To Me, Also.

So Just What CAN I Say?!



…The Whole Reason This Song Is On Ye Ole MP3Player In The First Place Is Our Little Bond.

I Actually Have Had A Copy Of This Song Since The 1980s.

On Cassette-Tape First…

…Then Later On CD.

It Was On Those “TIME LIFE” Classic Oldies Collections.

My Mother Purchased Them For Her And I.

She Knew I Loved Listening To The Oldies Stations When We’d Ride Around In The Car.

I Enjoyed Singing-Along With Them, And Listening To Her Sing-Along In Kind.

She Didn’t Care Too Much For The Bulk Of The Music Of MY Youth…

…So We’d Listen To The Music Of HER Youth.

That’s How I Originally Heard The Music Of Peeps Like…






Etc Etc Etc

…And YES…


!!! !!!


So I Had Many Different Types Of Memories Come Rushing To Me When I Heard This Song…


…This Morning.

Some Good.

Some Great.

Some Not Good Nor Great.

But Many Memories, Nevertheless.

It’s Honestly A Great Little Number, Kiddies.

And Regardless Of Whether Thinking About Matters Of The Heart…

…Or Matters Of The Head…

…Or Matters Of A Mixed Nature…

…Good OR Bad…

…It Remains A Great Little Number.

It Has A Special Place In My Life…

…Past AND Present…

…And I’m Sure It Will Continue To Have That Place Well Into The Future.

This Song Has Been With Me The Bulk Of My Life…

…And It’s ALWAYS Been A Keeper.

Y’all Should Just Trust Me, Fo SHO!


Hope Everyone Has A Good Day.

Y’all Know I’ll Be Doing What I Can To Make That Happen For Myself.

So Y’all Should Really Try Doing So For Yourselves, Or Anyone Else You Can.

So Long As We’re All Still Standing At The End…

…It’ll Be Just Jim Dandy.



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