Well, I know it has been a long long while…

…But I sincerely felt the need to do-up a quick post for y’all.

You see, I got to spend tonight conversing with a close friend.

It had been forever and a day since we’d spent any time together, and the conversation was exceptionally enlightening.

We talked about this and that, and it was all very helpful to me.

Eventually, the conversation turned to life, love, and relationships.

He bluntly stated that I sincerely need to make-my-move on my best friend.

We’ve been the best of friends for quite some time, and it’s no secret at all that I’ve been madly in-love with him for the past two years.

It’s an odd situation, to say the least.

Honestly, I would have made my move a long while ago, but I just haven’t felt like the timing was proper.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want him.

Yes, I’d give anything to make him mine Mine MINE.

The biggest reason I haven’t made said move is because I don’t sincerely believe he would say “YES!” to my proposal.

I know it’s odd for a man to be madly in-love with his best friend, but it’s a situation I simply cannot escape.

Soooooo…

…what do I do???

He knows I love him.

He knows I care about him above all others.

He knows I’d marry him at the drop of a hat.

Sadly, I think that’s why nothing has progressed between us.

There’s no challenge.

There’s no mystery.

There’s simply He and I.

The thing is, not much would honestly change between us if we did become an exclusive item.

I just don’t know what to do, kiddies.

I’m happy.

I’m comfortable.

But, alas, I want MORE.

Period.

So, again, what does one do???

How do you tell the person you consider your closest companion that you would be even happier and more contented if he would simply marry you???

His family is in my corner.

Our friends are in my corner.

Everyone of any importance in our worlds seem to feel that we would be the ideal couple.

I totally agree.

The thing is, I don’t think he does.

That’s what’s most difficult.

If he would only say “YES!” to my advances, I’m sure life would grow by leaps and bounds.

I am a man in-lust.

I am a man in-love.

I am a man who wants what he wants, and I’m getting sick and tired of feeling unwanted and under-appreciated.

So, again, I ask “WHAT DO I DO???”

Do I throw caution to the wind and simply go for it?

Or, should I simply be contented with things as they are?

I know, I know…

…I’ve written about this same subject many a time, but the issue continues to plague me.

Am I happy? YES.

Could I be much much happier? YES YES.

And, would I give a year of my life to simply know the answer to the question that continues to haunt my day to day existence? YES YES YES.

It makes me feel pathetic at times, but I don’t rightly care.

I want what I want.

And all I want is HIM.

Period. Period. Period.

“I’m Not Going Down On My Knees, Begging You To Adore Me…”

“…Can’t You See It’s Misery, And Torture For Me?

When I’m Misunderstood…

…Try As Hard As You Can…

…I’ve Tried As Hard As I Could…

…To Make You See…

…How Important It Is For Me.”

“Here Is A Plea…

…From My Heart To You…

…Nobody Knows Me…

…As Well As You Do…

…You Know How Hard It Is For Me…

…To SHAKE THE DISEASE…

…That Takes Hold Of My Tongue In Situations Like These.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me. …”

… … … … … … …

… … … … …

… … …

…

I’ve had this song…

“SHAKE THE DISEASE“

by DEPECHE MODE

…on my mind for a few days, now.

It’s a song I’ve known, seemingly, forever.

And, yet, it has been locked inside my brain-case, rolling around over and over again.

It’s a song that says a helluva lot, especially to me.

Especially right now.

You see, I’m still dealing with the most common issue I’ve discussed with y’all many times over…

…LOVE.

Or, well, a lack-there-of.

I still find myself fighting a personal battle with myself over the whole idea of Love, Loving, Being In-Love, and Being In-Love with someone I probably shouldn’t be In-Love with at all.

It’s just life, I know that.

It’s just a normal thing, right?

Riiiiiiight???

Hmm.

I just feel this song says exactly what I NEED it to say.

Exactly what I WANT to say, but can’t.

I remain a man lost in the throws of love and passion.

Time continues to pass me by, and yet my feelings remain the same.

I’m still In-Love.

I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to fight what seems to be a losing battle.

No one loses all the time.

There are always some elated moments of bliss.

Those moments when you’re very Very VERY sure everything is working-out and going your way.

They’re very few and far between, but they’re there.

They do exist.

I know they do, as I experience them.

And I relish in them.

But, it’s simply getting harder and harder to truly feel as though everything really is going to work-out.

I want it to.

I want nothing more than that.

I just don’t know if it’s really going to happen.

I went to bed last night with this song blaring in my mind.

I awoke this morning, and my first thought, again, was this song.

I knew the only way to get it out of my head was to write something about it.

To get it out of me and onto this screen.

And, so, here I am.

Writing about this to all of you.

Not knowing what I really want/need to be saying.

Just knowing that I MUST MUST MUST say something.

Period.

“LOVE And THOSE WE LOVE”

I’m Calling This Piece…

“LOVE And THOSE WE LOVE“

by BRADLEY ALAN

…Ready???

…

… … …

“I Am In Love.

I Have Been For A Long While, Now.

Problem Is, It’s UN-Reciprocated Love.

Meaning: The Person I Love Does In No Way Love Me.

I Wish He Did.

I Wish A Lot Of Things.

But, This Most Of All.

And Yet, I Know It Will Never Happen.

I’m Not His Type.

He Is Mine.

He Is Mine To A Perfect “T”.

When He’s In A Good Mood…

…As Am I.

When He’s In A Downer Mood…

…As Am I.

He Makes Me Happy.

I Could Only Hope To Make Him Happy.

So Why Even Bother?

Because, I Don’t Know Any Other Way To Be.

I Often Say I’ll Never Be Happy.

That Being Happy Is Something Beyond My Power…

…And For The Most Part, That’s Correct.

I’ve Never Known Happiness.

That Is, Until I Met Him.

He Makes Me Laugh.

He Makes Me Smile.

He Makes Me Happy.

He Makes Me Sad.

He Makes Me Contemplative.

He Makes Me Think About Things I’d Never Considered Thinking.

He Is…

…To ME…

…As Close To Perfect As One Could Be.

I Never Cease To Smile When We’re Together.

And Yet…

…This Love Is UN-Reciprocated.

One Day, Perhaps.

But, Not Today.

Not Now.

Not Anytime Soon.

And That Makes Me Sad.

It Makes Me Sad Beyond Belief.

And Yet, I Cling.

I Hang On.

I Have To.

If I Don’t, It Would Feel Like A Failure.

Another Failure.

I Am NOT A Failure.

He Constantly Reminds Me Of This.

He Reminds Me That There Is Someone Out There For Me.

But, I Don’t Want Someone Else.

I Know Who Am.

I Know What I Want.

I Know What’s Worth Waiting For.

I Know He’s Worth Everything.

So, I’ll Wait For Him.

I Deserve That.

He Deserves That.

And So, I Wait.

No Promises.

No Nothing.

It’s Just A Hope.

Hope Is What I Have.

Hope Is What We Have.

It’s Just Hard.

Hard To Be In Love.

Am I A Fool?

Am I Crazy?

No.

I Don’t Think So.

I’m Just A Man.

A Man Deeply In Love.

Foolish…

…Crazy…

…Love.

Will My Heart Be Broken?

Yeah.

Most Likely.

Do I Care?

Not. A. Bit.

Why?

Because Love Means IT.

Love Is The All.

The Everything.

The One Thing That Trumps The Highest Hand.

And I…

…Unlike Others…

…Am Willing To Suffer For It It.

Always Have Been.

Always Will Be.

Period.

I Just Wish He Felt The Same.

But He Doesn’t.

At Least, Not With Me.

He’s Promised To The Future.

Promised To The Endless Possibilities That The Future’s Willing To Spew-Forth.

He Doesn’t Love Me.

And That’s The Hardest Pill To Swallow.

To Lose-Out To The Unknown.

Does He Know I’m Here?

Does He know I’m Right Here…

…Ready, Willing And Able?

Does He Know I’d Love Him Unlike Anyone Has Ever Loved Him?

Maybe?

But In The End…

…I LOSE.

Ain’t That A Bitch.“

😦