I’m not altogether sure where this is going to go…
…I am sure it’s going to go somewhere.
So stick with me, please?
… … …
Have you ever been torn, My Peeps?
Okay, I do realize that can be taken sooooo many ways…
(((many of them dirty dirty)))
…so I’ll do my best to clarify.
Have you ever been torn by LOVE?
Knowing you want to be with someone, but knowing you really enjoy the person you’re with at that moment?
…it has happened to me.
It has happened multiple times, honest.
As far back as I could remember, I was generally with one person while already having wanted, and still wanting, to be with a certain someone else.
I get with someone because they’re very special to me, but all the while I have someone else on the front of my brain.
Someone else whom I already love/want/need/require.
Someone else whom I know I probably can never, and will never, truly call “MINE.”
And, no matter how wonderful things might become with the one person, you still yearn for the certain someone else.
Knowing/Hoping/Feeling/Thinking things WOULD be better if you were truly with the someone else.
It’s crazy, I know.
But, I also believe it to be human nature.
I mean, it is, right?
“The Grass Is Always Greener Somewhere F*ckin’ Else, And All That Jazz!”
That’s how that goes, riiiiiiight?
Until last night, I truly was torn.
Torn between the lover I once had, whom is now an exceptionally close friend…
…and the man I’ve loved for over a year, whom isn’t mine in any way except in the ways that should truly truly matter.
I’ve been torn, because I can’t spend all the time with the both of them that I’d really like.
And, honestly, it had become harder to juggle.
Last night, however, I had a long talk with the now friend (former lover).
We discussed so much, it was amazing.
He’s not the easiest to speak to at times when the conversation is of a personal nature such as this one was.
But, last night, he was jovial.
He was kind.
He was insightful.
He was respectful.
And he flat-out told me that he felt things would be better for ME if I really did spend more time with the someone else.
He’s not dismissing me.
We’re still going to see each other a lot.
But, now, I truly have the freedom to spend all the time with the someone else whenever I choose.
I won’t have to dance around and be pissy because I have to cancel on one to see the other.
My friend wishes me to explore things with the someone else, knowing now how I truly feel.
Thing is, all of this took place around MIDNIGHT.
And it didn’t end there.
My friend and I stayed up talking for hours and hours, and it was a truly grand experience.
We watched some “BATTLESTAR GALACTICA” and some “STAR TREK: TNG”…
…and then we watched “DARKMAN” on the Blu-ray.
By 3:30am, I was texting with the someone else.
And things couldn’t be better, at least in regard to all of the before mentioned.
We’re all cool.
So, for the first time in a long time, the tension I’ve felt has lifted.
I feel amazingly contented and relaxed.
Happy to know I didn’t lose a good friend.
Happy to know I didn’t lose the man I love.
Happy to know things are working out exactly as I had hoped, instead of how I had sadly expected.
Expectations can be a major High, or a major Low Low Low.
I was in the midst of a Low Low Low mindset toward my Expectations.
Instead, I was surprised with the elation of everything working out as I’d truly hoped hoped hoped they would.
I finally went to sleep around 5:30am…
…and was awake and writing this by 7:30am.
I know good moods aren’t forever.
They don’t last.
They can’t last.
Not really real ones.
But, for now, I’m into a really good mood mindset.
And I’m really hoping it’s able to perpetuate for a while.
That would be very nice.
I could use more good days.
This is the first time in a long long long time my not being able to sleep has led to something positive.
Insomnia almost always sucks ass.
Last night, it was an asset.
Go figure, eh?
…Thinkin’ ’bout LAST NIGHT…
…Think’ ’bout LAST NIGHT…”
“LAST NIGHT” Is Just One Of The Many Personal Favorite Jams From The 1988 Album “THE TRAVELING WILBURYS VOLUME 1” By THE TRAVELING WILBURYS !!!
“…I Was Feelin’ No Pain…
…Feelin’ Good In My Brain…
…I Looked In Her Eyes…
…They Were Full Of Surprise…
…Talkin’ ’bout LAST NIGHT…
…Talkin’ ’bout LAST NIGHT. …”
I Awoke Very VERY Early This Morning.
No Real Rhyme Nor Reason For It.
Just Another Sleepless Night.
One Would Think I’d Be Used To It By Now.
…I Don’t Know If Anyone Ever Gets Used To It.
…Regardless Of Being Used To It Or Not…
…Here I Am…
…Writing About It To Y’all.
I Had This Song In My Brain Yesterday Evening.
by THE TRAVELING WILBURYS
It Is Simply A Fun Little Tune.
There’s Nothing Really Special About It, Other Than Who It Was Performed By.
I Just Love Love LOVE Me Some…
…Without A Doubt And Totally Fo SHO, My Peeps.
…Is Performed By The Whole Group…
…Although Most Of The Vocal Portions Are Either…
ROY Or TOM
Can’t Beat That With A Stick At K-Mart, Can Ya!!?!
You Surely Can’t, My Peeps, You Surely Can’t.
So, When I Awoke So Damned Early This Morning…
…I Sincerely Couldn’t Wait To Get To My MP3Player So I Could Hear This Crackerjack Of A Tune.
And I Have Been.
I Have The Song On Repeat, Actually.
I Didn’t Wanna Stop Listening To It Until I Finished My Post.
Call It A Personal Form Of Quality Inspiration.
…’Tis Nearing The Dawn, Now.
Who Needs Another Hot Cup-O-Joe?!
(*Points Lovingly At Self With Both Thumbs*)
Damn Skippy, My Drippies!!!
Hopefully This Will Help Your Morning A Little Bit.
It’s Just Something That Made Me Smile…
…And I Thought It Could Do The Same For Y’all.
I Hope I Was Right!
😀 😉 😀