“I’m Not Going Down On My Knees, Begging You To Adore Me…”

“…Can’t You See It’s Misery, And Torture For Me?

When I’m Misunderstood…

…Try As Hard As You Can…

…I’ve Tried As Hard As I Could…

…To Make You See…

…How Important It Is For Me.”

Shake The Disease (via Amazon.com)“Here Is A Plea…

…From My Heart To You…

…Nobody Knows Me…

…As Well As You Do…

…You Know How Hard It Is For Me…

…To SHAKE THE DISEASE

…That Takes Hold Of My Tongue In Situations Like These.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me.

Understand Me…

…Understand Me. …”

… … … … … … …

… … … … …

… … …

I’ve had this song…

SHAKE THE DISEASE

by DEPECHE MODE

…on my mind for a few days, now.

It’s a song I’ve known, seemingly, forever.

And, yet, it has been locked inside my brain-case, rolling around over and over again.

It’s a song that says a helluva lot, especially to me.

Especially right now.

You see, I’m still dealing with the most common issue I’ve discussed with y’all many times over…

…LOVE.

Or, well, a lack-there-of.

I still find myself fighting a personal battle with myself over the whole idea of Love, Loving, Being In-Love, and Being In-Love with someone I probably shouldn’t be In-Love with at all.

It’s just life, I know that.

It’s just a normal thing, right?

Riiiiiiight???

Hmm.

I just feel this song says exactly what I NEED it to say.

Exactly what I WANT to say, but can’t.

I remain a man lost in the throws of love and passion.

Time continues to pass me by, and yet my feelings remain the same.

I’m still In-Love.

I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to fight what seems to be a losing battle.

No one loses all the time.

There are always some elated moments of bliss.

Those moments when you’re very Very VERY sure everything is working-out and going your way.

They’re very few and far between, but they’re there.

They do exist.

I know they do, as I experience them.

And I relish in them.

But, it’s simply getting harder and harder to truly feel as though everything really is going to work-out.

I want it to.

I want nothing more than that.

I just don’t know if it’s really going to happen.

:\

I went to bed last night with this song blaring in my mind.

I awoke this morning, and my first thought, again, was this song.

I knew the only way to get it out of my head was to write something about it.

To get it out of me and onto this screen.

And, so, here I am.

Writing about this to all of you.

Not knowing what I really want/need to be saying.

Just knowing that I MUST MUST MUST say something.

Period.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

So, I’ve Had A String Of Overtly Off Moments, Lately…

…And Tonight It Has Really Snowballed Into A Very Deep Depression.

I Know Most Say You Shouldn’t Write For Publication At Times Like These, But, In This Case, It Can’t Be Helped.

It’s Not Your Usual Depression About Your Usual Mundane Bullshit.

Not This Time, Anyway.

For Those Of You Whom Have Read Me For The Past (almost) Two Years, You Know That, While I Do Acquaint Myself With Other People On Occasion, I Generally Spend Most Of My Time Alone.

I Live In My Head, And Am Generally Not The Best Of Company.

I Tend To Be Really Quiet,,, ,,,Except When I Laugh.

I Get My Money’s Worth When I Do Bellow Out A Jolly One.

Aside From My Eyes, My Best Feature May Actually Be That Laugh.

I Even Snort… …On Occasion.

That Generally Means I’ve Laughed Too Hard.

Sadly, Aside From The Time I Spend With Someone Very Special To Me, I Tend To Not Laugh At All.

I Giggle A Bit… …But It’s Internal.

Outwardly, I’m A Tad Cold.

The Problem Is…

...As It Always Is In My World...

…Knowing Some Of Those I Love Most, Are Those Whom Don’t Really Share The Feeling.

I Constantly Get The Feeling Other People Lie And Say They Enjoy My Company, But It’s Only Because They Truly (deep down) Feel Sorry For Me.

Seeing Me Makes Them Realize How Grand Their Life Has The Potential To Be, And Might Already Be.

I’ve Failed At Every Venture I’ve Ever Undertaken.

Every. Single. One.

Alright…

…I Did Win A “First Place Superior” In The 6th Grade Science Fair.

But, They Gave Out Like 10 Of Those.

So, Honestly, It Never Felt Like A True Victory.

Anyway, Sorry, I’m Drifting.

The Point Is…

…I’ve Been The Saddest Boy In The World For The Past 48-Hours, And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.

My Thoughts And Feelings Have Been Running Rampant, And They’re Literally Driving Me (even more-so) Crazy!

Can I Pinpoint The Biggest Issue?

Yes.

Can I Do Anything Whatsoever To Correct Said Biggest Issue?

Not. At. All.

I Know They Say You Shouldn’t Worry About What You Can’t Control, But Piss On Them.

They Just Don’t Get It, Or Are Lying To You AND Themselves.

I Can’t Control How I Feel…

…Yet It Constantly Worries The Everlasting Shit Out Of Me.

You Want A Little Detail?

Fine.

I Have TWO (2) Best Friends…

…One Straight, One Gay.

The Straight One I’ve Known Since The Age Of 2yo, And We’ve Been Best Friends Since The Age Of 10yo.

The Gay One I’ve Known For Three Years…

…And I’ve Been In Love With Him For The Past Two.

That’s What Has Me So Depressed, Kiddies.

The Fact That I Can’t Get Myself Over Those Extra Feelings.

Loving Someone Is Important, Especially Someone You Call Your BFF.

But, Being IN-LOVE With Said BFF???

O M F G

I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin On How That Feels.

For The Most Part, It’s A Mix Of Extreme Joy AND Extreme Pain.

I’ve Loved Before, Sure.

I’ve Loved Many People In My 30+Years On Earth.

But, Never Like This.

Never This Strongly.

And, Yes, I Already Know It Has Very Little Chance To Become More Than What It Already Is…

…More Than What We Already Are.

Yet, I Dont Waiver.

I Dont Stop Feeling As I Do.

I Dont Stop Wanting As I Do.

Needing As I Do.

Its Insane.

Its Killing Me.

Its Crushing What Spirit I May Have.

Yet, I Dont Waiver.

SOOOOO…

…You Tell Me, My Peeps…

…Am I A Fool, Or Just Being Foolish?

There IS A Difference, You Know… …Riiiiiiiiigh???

RIGHT!!!

My Curiosity Abounds, Kiddies.

Honestly And Truly It Does!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

What’s Worse… …???

Yesterday Evening, I Posed A Question On My Facebook Page.

I Felt It Was Pretty Cut And Dry.

Whats Worse
Feeling Like Youre Betraying Someone You Love
Or, Knowing Youre Betraying Your Own Heart???
Either Way, You Lose.
Right???
So, What’s Worse???”

And, WellSince I Didnt Get The Responses I Was Truly Hoping For, Ive Decided To Pose The Same Question To Yall.

I Really Do Wish To Know What People Think (((Sometimes))) And I Cant Think Of Anything Id Rather Have Answered.

So, What Do You Think, My Peeps???

WHATS WORSE???

My Curiosity Abounds.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

The Song Stuck In My Head: “DAMAGED PEOPLE” by DEPECHE MODE (2005)

Depeche_Mode_Playing_the_Angel (via Wikipedia)

.

.. ..

… … …

Were Damaged People

Drawn Together

By Subtleties That We Are Not Aware Of…”

“…Disturbed Souls

Playing Out Forever

These Games The We Once Thought We Would Be Scared Of…”

“…When Youre In My Arms

The World Makes Sense

There Is No Pretense

And Youre Crying

When Youre By My Side

There Is No Defense

I Forget To Sense

Im Dying…”

“…Were Damaged People

Praying For Something

That Doesnt Come From Somewhere Deep Inside Us…”

“…Depraved Souls

Trusting In The One Thing

The One Thing That This Life Has Not Denied Us…”

…. …. …. ….

Depeche Mode (2006) (via Wikipedia)

… … …

.. ..

.

DAMAGED PEOPLE

by DEPECHE MODE

…Is A Truly Skipped-Over AND Underrated Jam, My Peeps.

Truly AND Honestly.

It’s Very Odd.

It’s Very Quirky.

It’s Dark AND Brooding.

Yet, All The While, It Remains A Beautiful Song.

Period.

This Is Actually One Of My Favorite Songs From The Album “PLAYING THE ANGEL“…

…An Album Jammed With Favorites.

PLAYING THE ANGEL” Was Released In 2005, With Most Reviews Saying This Particular Song Was One Of The Drags Of The Album.

People Just Didn’t Warm-Up-To-It Like I Sincerely Felt They Should.

Me?

I Loved The Entire Album, Including The  Song “DAMAGED PEOPLE“, And I’m Quite Unsure Just How Many Times I’ve Listened To It.

It’s A Song That Gets My Brain AND Heart Churning AND Burning Overtime.

At This Moment, This Song Is Locked Into My Mind.

I’ve Been Listening To It The Bulk Of The Morning, And That Sincerely Prompted This Post.

Honestly, I’m Not So Sure What To Say.

I Have Something Written On Paper, But I’m Slowly Realizing I Don’t Really Think I Should Say To Y’all Everything It Actually Says.

I Think I Made It TOOOOOO Personal.

Just Know This, My Peeps…

…I’m Dedicating This Post To Someone.

The Other Inspiration For This Bloggin’ing.

THE SPARK.

Everyone, Whom Works In A Creative Field, MUST Have A SPARK.

Period.

A Muse, If You Will.

Something/Someone That Inspires You.

Something/Someone That Makes You Want To Work.

Something/Someone That Brings You Great Joy In Life.

I Have One.

You (likely) Have One.

So, Tell Me, My Peeps…

…WHAT/WHO INSPIRES YOU???

WHAT/WHO MAKES YOU WANT TO WORK???

WHAT/WHO BRINGS YOU GREAT JOY IN LIFE???

Please Let Me Know, My Peeps.

To Say I’m Curious Is An Epic Understatement.

I Want To Know What Makes You Feel Like Doing This Kind Of Thing, Or Any Kind Of Thing, Regardless Of What It Is.

I Know What Makes Me Happy.

I Know What Makes Me Sad.

I Know What Inspires Me.

I Know What Makes Me Keep Coming Back For More.

So, What Does It For YOU, My Peeps???

Anything???

Anything At All???

There MUST Be SOMETHING???

Right???

RIGHT!!!

😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

😀       😀       😀

“He Told Me A Heart Can’t Smile… …If It’s Filled With Tears…”

“…Growing Up, I ThoughtIts All Gone“…

Now It Comes Back To Me, Again

Ghetto Uniform

Collect Calls

That I Can Explain

All The The Things Ive Ruined

Abandoned

They Come Back To Me…”

PhoenixAlphabeticalalbumcover (via Wikipedia)

“…HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire…”

Phoenix_Wiltern_June_28th (via Wikipedia)

“…He Told Me For Those Whove Been Drowned

There Is No Refrain

With One And Only Youth

A Gospel

I Do What I Can…”

640px-Phoenix_mg_5742 (via Wikipedia)

“…HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

I Try To Set The Night On Fire…”

… … …

.. ..

.

Over This Past Weekend, I Was Introduced To The Band…

PHOENIX

…And This Song…

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

…Which I Immediately Fell In Love/Lust With.

It’s Perky.

It’s Quirky.

It’s Catchy.

It Makes Me Smile.

Can’t Ask For Much More From Your Music, Right???

RIGHT!!!

HOLDIN ON TOGETHER

…Was Released On The Album…

ALPHABETICAL

…In 2004.

I Know I’d Heard This Little Tune On The Radio At Some Point, And I Liked It, But Knew Absolutely Nothing About It, Nor The Band Performing It.

Now, Well, I Simply Can’t Get Enough Of It.

I’m Unsure How Many Times I’ve Listened To It In The Past Few Days, But I Know It’s A Metric-Ass-Ton.

But, For Me, That’s Just How I Roll.

I Find Something New That I Greatly Enjoy, And I Go For It.

If It’s Song, I Listen To It Over And Over.

If It’s A Movie, I’ll Likely Watch It Multiple Times In A Short Span Of Days.

If It’s A Book, I’ll Read It All The Way Through, And Then Do So Again.

I Get On My Kicks, Ya Know?!

SURE YOU DO!!

A Lot Of You Are Exactly The Same.

I’m Just Sure Of That.

I Just Hope Y’all Enjoy This Little Number.

This Song Is Now Permanently Linked With A Special Someone In My World.

Every Time I Hear It, I Think About Him.

Sometimes, That’s A Wonderful Thing.

Sometimes, That’s A Horrid Thing.

It Really Depends On My Mood, To Be Honest.

Nevertheless, I Continue To Listen To It…

…And Love It…

…And Enjoy It.

Period.

Feelings Are Funny Things, And It’s Crazy How They Can Be Linked To Something Like This.

But, That’s Life.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

I Included A Link To The Song, So PLEASE Give It A Listen.

Let Me Know What You Think.

You May Not Enjoy It As Much As I Do…

…Or You May Enjoy It Even More.

You’ll Just Have To Give It A Go And Find Out!!!

Ready For A Musical Adventure???

AWESOME!!!

Then Let’s Go!!!

Have A Grand Day, Kiddies.

Take Care AND Be Good.

😉     😀     🙂

“…There Were Moments Of Gold… There Were Flashes Of Light… There Were Things I’d Never Do Again… But Then They Always Seemd Right…” –PANDORA’S BOX (“It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” (1989))

“…There Were Nights Of Sacred Pleasure

It Was More Than Any Laws Allow

Baby, Baby…”

Originalsin_cover (via Wikipedia)

ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOWWas Originally Released By The Band PANDORAS BOX On The AlbumORIGINAL SINIn 1989 !!!

“…If I Kiss You Like This

And, If You Whisper Like That

It Was Lost Long Ago

But, Its All Coming Back To Me

If You Want Me Like This

And, If You Need Me Like That

It Was Dead Long Ago

But, Its All Coming Back To Me

Its So Hard To Resist

And, Its All Coming Back To Me

I Can Barely Recall

But, ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW! …”

… … … … … … …

… … …

🙂

Alright, My Peeps…

…I Know, I Know…

…Call-Out The Lame Police On Me, This Morning.

I Know, I Know.

But, Hell, It Happens To Everyone At Some Point…

…Right???

RIGHT!!!

Now, I’m Not Going To Try To Defend My Position On This Song…

ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW

by PANDORAS BOX

…I’m Really Just Going To Let The Song And The Lyrics Speak For Themselves.

I Awoke With This Song Playing In My Ear, As I Managed To Fall Asleep (again) With My MP3Player Blaring Some Of My Favorite Jams.

I Know There Are Other Versions Of This Little Number…

…But, Honestly, This Is The One I Remember Most…

…And, This Is The One I Enjoy Most.

Again, I Know, I’m Lame.

My Bad, My Peeps.

My Bad, Indeed.

But, When I Awoke, With This Song Cranking Away, I Simply Felt Powerless.

I Was Caught Within Its Grasp.

So, I Listened To It.

And Then Again.

And Again.

Finally, Before Things Got Out Of Hand, I Knew The Only Way I’d Get It Out Of My Head Was To Blog ’bout It.

It At Least Had The Most Potential For Successfully Getting It Unstuck.

Sadly (or happily depending on your view) It Isn’t Working.

I’m Still Listening.

I’m Still Singing Along.

I’m Still Wishing I Could Properly Say All I’d Like To Say, Right Now.

But, I Know I Can’t.

I’ll Just Say This Is A Song That Feeds My Happiness…

…And Makes Me Smile To (apparently) No End.

Yeah, It’s A Cheesy Song.

Yeah, It’s Probably Not The Best Version.

Yeah, I Don’t Really Give A Rat’s Ass Either Way.

What I Can (and will) Say, Is That I’m In Such A Quality Place, Mentally And Emotionally, Right Now.

Feelings I Haven’t Felt In Seemingly Forever Continue To Bubble-Up To The Surface.

I Feel Good.

I Feel Happy.

I Feel Cared For.

I Feel Connected.

How On Hell’s Half-Acre Could I Even Consider Letting Those Feelings Slip Away?

EXACTLY, My Peeps, I CAN’T.

I WON’T.

Said Feelings Simply FEEL Amazing To Me.

I’m Content, Kiddies.

I’m Finally Content.

And, While This May Not Last, I’m Not Going To Knock-It.

I’ve Wanted To Feel This Way For So SO LOOOOONG.

How Could I Give It Up?!?

Again…

…I CAN’T And I WON’T.

Period.

This Song May Be Total Cheese-Balls…

…But It DOES FIT With My Current Mental And Emotional States.

That’s Good Enough To Make It Blog-Worthy, Right???

RIGHT!!!

😀     😀     😀

Please Enjoy Your Day, My Peeps.

The Weekend Is Upon Us.

Let’s Make It A Good One.

We Deserve That.

We Totally, TOTALLY DO, My Peeps.

Totally.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Defeated… …AGAIN!

Why Me?!

😦

I Don’t Honestly Know Any Other Way To Say It, My Peeps.

I’ve Tried.

But, In The End, I Continue To Come back To Those Two Simple…

…Personally Scathing…

…Personally Crushing Words…

Why Me?!

😦          😦

Why Say “Why Me?!” You Ask???

I Don’t Actually Have An Answer For You.

Not A Good Answer, Anyway.

I Know We Haven’t Talked Much Of Late, But I’m Sure You’ve Already Noticed That.

My “Good Cheer”?!

It’s Gone.

I’m Back Down, Again.

I’m Discovering That My Emotions Are Rather Fragile.

More Fragile Than Even I Had Ever Realized.

Like, Ever Ever.

That’s Probably Because I’ve Spent The Bulk Of My Life Suppressing Them.

As I Slowly Let Them Out, I’m Forced To Realize More And More Why I Had Always Shielded Myself From Them.

To Be Perfectly Honest…

…I Sincerely SUCK At Managing Them.

Period.

I Will Say This, My Peeps…

…I’d Hand-Written A Very Loooooong-Winded Rant About What’s Been Happening Of Late…

…But, Now, I Sincerely Don’t Want To Discuss It All Right Here.

I Made A Promise Not To Write About My Current Love Life…

…Or LACK-THERE-OF…

…And I Was Honestly About To Break That Promise.

Then, Well, I Actually Took The Time To Think It All Over.

Just Know That Things Are No Longer “Going My Way” And It Has Been Quite Depressing.

I Know Things Will Never ALWAYS Go My Way, But In This Instance It Really Did Just Crack Me Over The Skull And Then Laugh At Me.

Have I Learned Anything From My Life’s Recent Events???

Yes.

Yes, I Have.

  • –>1.) BE VERY VERY CAREFUL WHOM YOU TRUST!<–

  • –>2.) IF SOMETHING FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE HONEST AND TRUE, IT IS!<–

  • –>3.) I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BOTH OF THOSE LESSONS BY NOW, I JUST APPARENTLY HAD FORGOTTEN THEM… …AGAIN!<–

😦          😦          😦

Just Do Me A Solid, My Peeps, And Don’t Worry About Me.

I Know I’ll Rebound Again.

It’s Like The Famous Quotation…

We Are Healed Of A Suffering ONLY By Experiencing It To The Full.”

MARCEL PROUST

He Was A Rather Smart Man, Wouldn’t You Say?!

Yeah.

I Wholeheartedly Agree, My Peeps.

Totally.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-