“My Trials and Tribulations with Dreaming”

Having a bad Reality, at times, is one thing.
Having bad Dreams all night about said bad Reality???
O M F G it S U C K S.
The one place I hope to escape to…
…continues to be one more place I can’t really get to.
I really was a much happier person when I could go to sleep and it was like stepping off into the blackness of space (((because I’d be in such a deep deep sleep))).
Now, it’s like falling off of a cliff into a world of twisted and fucked half-memories.

—

I try to change my current Reality, in the hopes of bettering my future Reality.
But, when it comes to past Reality, I’m helpless.
We all are, I know that.
So…
…I guess I really need to learn how to change my Dreams.
Riiiiiiiiiiight?

Mkay.

Sooo…

…HOW DOES ONE DO THAT???

—

At moments like this, I truly envy people like My Father.

He always told me he rarely, if ever, remembers his Dreams.

I remember the bulk of mine.

And mine are rarely, if ever, pleasant.

Even those with pleasant moments are often still bad Bad BAD Dreams.

It really is ALMOST enough to push a person tooooooooooooooooo far, sometimes.

—

Sleep is supposed to be restful, riiiiight?

You’re not supposed to feel worse when you awaken of a morning, correct??

And, YES, I’ve had sleep-studies done.

Nothing wrong with my breathing, nor anything else they could honestly measure.

I’ve talked to ((literally)) dozens of shrinks in my lifetime.

I’ve taken every medication they can think of to sling in my direction.

And, yet, here I sit.

Typing this.

Telling you, My Peeps, instead of yet another doctor that doesn’t seem to understand a goddamn thing about Me, nor My Situation.

—

I don’t want a lot of My Memories.

I don’t want a lot of My Reality.

But, MOST OF ALL, I don’t want to keep having these Dreams.

I accept My Memories.

I accept some of My Reality.

But, I do NOT accept that My “Dreamland” must be tainted.

I can’t accept that.

I won’t accept that.

Period.

Bradley Alan, this is Brad…

…You really Really REALLY need to shut–down that lovely brain of yours.

You‘re really Really REALLY driving me crazier than I thought possible.

There is way Way WAY tooooooo much going on in here right now.

I‘m getting tired.

Aren‘t you???

Please???

–ME/YOU

How Does One Cure The Ill Feelings Of A Bad Day?

—With Homemade BLACKBERRY COBBLER, That’s How!!!—

-{{{MMM!!!}}}-

(((***I Even Helped With Picking The Berries!!!***)))

😀      😀      😀

—{([***Sooooo Tassssssty!!!***])}—

Thinking Aloud: Life Sure Is An Odd Duck, Ain’t It.

Well, Ain’t It?

Sure It Is.

My Life Has Always Been Of The Odder(er) Sort.

I’m The Guy That Everything Just Happened To.

If Something Bad Was Possible, I Took The Brunt.

If Something Good Was Possible, Chances Are It Eventually Did Happen In Some Small Way.

If Something In-Between Was Possible, Chances Are I Got The Far-Far-Far-Worse Side Of It.

But, I’m Not Really In The Mood To Complain.

I’m More Of A Mind To Quickly Say “THANK YOU” To You, My Peeps.

I Have My Reasons For Saying “THANK YOU” To You, And I Know I’ll Be Talking About Them More And More As Time Rolls Onward.

But, For Now, For This Moment, I’m Just A Thankful Man.

A Lot Of People Have Tried, And Have Done Their Bestest(est) To Help Carry Me Through These Past Few Years.

As Of Late Monday Afternoon, I Was Informed That A Longstanding Battle I’ve Been Fighting Has Finally Been Resolved.

It Has Been Resolved In MY Favor.

I Won.

My Life Of Hell And Bullshit And Sickness And Poor-Health And More And More Sickness, And Pain, And Suffering, And Blah Blah Blah, And Yakity Schmakity, Has Finally Paid-Off.

At Least, In Regard To This ONE Little Victory.

However, It Makes Me Feel Best Because FINALLY Someone Took Notice That Was In A Position To Do Something About It.

And, They Sided In My Favor.

I’m Elated,

I Feel An Enormous Sense Of Relief.

The 18,000lbs Elephant, With The 800lbs Gorilla Riding Said Elephant, Feel Lifted From Me.

Now I Just Need To Get This Pesky Monkey Off My Damned Back…

…And Perhaps This Chip Off Of My Shoulder…

…Oh, And The Thorn In My Side…

…Uh…

…Yeah…

…Nevermind.

But, Yes, “THANK YOU” Again, Everyone.

Now, Maybe Life Really Can Start Again.

Or, Hopefully, Continue Just Improving And Improving, Bit By Bit.

That Would Be Most Acceptable.

😉     😀     🙂

Fighting Physical Cravings: How Does One Do It???

Sooo…

…How Does One…

…How Do YOU Fight Those Cravings Of The Flesh???

How Do You Not Feel Affectionate…

…Nor Aroused…

…Nor Just Plain Horny, When You See Certain Parts Of Your Lover That GREATLY Turn-You-On???

I Don’t Even Mean This In A Dirty Way.

Not Really.

The Blade Of Their Hip–Bone, Slightly Sticking–Out, Lightly Exposed, While You‘re Laying Together.

(((That's MY FAVORITE, By The Way.)))

Or, The Curve Of Their Neck Into Their Naked Shoulder.

Or, Their Amazingly Clear And Beautiful Eyes, After Removing Their Wiry–Glasses.

I Sincerely Can’t Help Myself In The Presence Of These Things.

Strange, But Wonderful, Sensations Flood My Mind And Body.

I Want To Trace, And Lightly Tongue, That Hip–Blade.

I Want To Nibble And Nite And Kiss The Neck, The Curve, And The Naked Shoulder.

I Want To Stare Into Those Eyes Allllll–Night–Long…

…And Into The Following Morning.

THE SPARK…

…My Muse…

…My Lust…

…My Love…

…My Desire…

…Makes Me Burn.

Not With Anything Bad.

No.

Well, Not Really.

But, I Do Burn.

I Burn With WANT And NEED.

How Does One, In The End, Fight Against WANT And NEED???

I Can't.

“He Told Me A Heart Can’t Smile… …If It’s Filled With Tears…”

“…Growing Up, I Thought “It‘s All Gone“…

…Now It Comes Back To Me, Again…

…Ghetto Uniform…

…Collect Calls…

…That I Can Explain…

…All The The Things I‘ve Ruined…

…Abandoned…

…They Come Back To Me…”

…

…

“…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…

…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…

…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…

…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…”

…

…

“…He Told Me For Those Who‘ve Been Drowned…

…There Is No Refrain…

…With One And Only Youth…

…A Gospel…

…I Do What I Can…”

…

…

“…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…

…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…

…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…

…HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER…

…I Try To Set The Night On Fire…”

… … …

.. ..

.

Over This Past Weekend, I Was Introduced To The Band…

PHOENIX

…And This Song…

“HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER“

…Which I Immediately Fell In Love/Lust With.

It’s Perky.

It’s Quirky.

It’s Catchy.

It Makes Me Smile.

Can’t Ask For Much More From Your Music, Right???

RIGHT!!!

“HOLDIN‘ ON TOGETHER“

…Was Released On The Album…

“ALPHABETICAL“

…In 2004.

I Know I’d Heard This Little Tune On The Radio At Some Point, And I Liked It, But Knew Absolutely Nothing About It, Nor The Band Performing It.

Now, Well, I Simply Can’t Get Enough Of It.

I’m Unsure How Many Times I’ve Listened To It In The Past Few Days, But I Know It’s A Metric-Ass-Ton.

But, For Me, That’s Just How I Roll.

I Find Something New That I Greatly Enjoy, And I Go For It.

If It’s Song, I Listen To It Over And Over.

If It’s A Movie, I’ll Likely Watch It Multiple Times In A Short Span Of Days.

If It’s A Book, I’ll Read It All The Way Through, And Then Do So Again.

I Get On My Kicks, Ya Know?!

SURE YOU DO!!

A Lot Of You Are Exactly The Same.

I’m Just Sure Of That.

I Just Hope Y’all Enjoy This Little Number.

This Song Is Now Permanently Linked With A Special Someone In My World.

Every Time I Hear It, I Think About Him.

Sometimes, That’s A Wonderful Thing.

Sometimes, That’s A Horrid Thing.

It Really Depends On My Mood, To Be Honest.

Nevertheless, I Continue To Listen To It…

…And Love It…

…And Enjoy It.

Period.

Feelings Are Funny Things, And It’s Crazy How They Can Be Linked To Something Like This.

But, That’s Life.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

I Included A Link To The Song, So PLEASE Give It A Listen.

Let Me Know What You Think.

You May Not Enjoy It As Much As I Do…

…Or You May Enjoy It Even More.

You’ll Just Have To Give It A Go And Find Out!!!

Ready For A Musical Adventure???

AWESOME!!!

Then Let’s Go!!!

Have A Grand Day, Kiddies.

Take Care AND Be Good.

😉     😀     🙂

How’s This For Logic?

“I‘m In The Throws Of A Writing Slump, While Already In The Midst Of A Writing Revelation.”

…

“I Know Exactly What I Want To Say, But I‘m Struggling To Find The Words To Express It.”

…

“Things Are So Muddled, Yet They‘ve Never Been Clearer.”

…

“I‘d Say I Don‘t Know What To Say, Except That I‘ve Already Said It.”

…

“That‘s Where I‘m At, Which Could Be Nowhere At All, Yet Could Be Everywhere I Need To Be.”

Multipurpose-Post: The State Of My Union, Part I

Good Morning, My Peeps.

How’s Things?

All Swell In Your Worlds?

Honestly, Things Have Been A Bit Odd Of Late Within My Own.

I’ve Been Going Through A Bout Of Some Pretty Extreme Personal-Depression That Has Been Sapping And Corking My Creative Juices.  It Happens To Us All At Some Point, Or At Least Happens To Those Of Us Intelligent Enough To Understand Our Own Situations.

My Life Situation Just Plainly Sucks.

Period.

I’m Trying To Take The High-Road. I’m Trying To Keep My Head Above The Water I Seem To Endlessly Be Treading. I’m Trying To Carry-On In The Only Way I Know How.

I Just Haven’t Felt Like Writing.

Not. At. All.

As I Said To Someone Earlier…

“…I pick-up my pen, I put it to the paper, but nothing comes out. I’ve just been so caught-up in personal emotional BS that everything else has taken a back seat, so to speak. I know I’ll find my voice again… …it’s just not at this moment.”

And Then It Happened, My Peeps.

I Awoke This Morning, And The First Thing I Wanted To Do Was Sit Down And Start Writing.

So, Here I Am. Writing To Y’all, Hoping Things Come-Out Right.

I Truly Have A Ton To Say, Yet Know I Can’t Say Most Of It.

Not Yet, Anyway.

Why?

Because, I Don’t Rightly Know How Some Things Are Going To Play-Out.

It’s Hard To Write About Something When All The Facts Aren’t In.

I Just Know I’m Unhappy.

Honestly, Truly Unhappy.

Not In Every Aspect Of My Life, But In Enough Of Them To Cause All Of This Mental/Emotional BS.

Life Continues To Throw Me Curveball After Curveball, And I’m Really Starting To Get Sick Of It.

Sadly, There’s Nothing I Can Do About That Other Than Continue To Take It All.

But, Changes Are Coming.

Things Are Happening.

While My Personal-Opinion Of Myself May Not Be Very High At The Moment, I’m Starting To Figure My Shit Out.

I’m On The Verge Of A Major Break-Out, Or So It Feels.

While Some Might Crack Under So Much Personal Pressure, I’m Fighting Back.

I’m Fighting Back Hard, My Peeps.

Life Is Giving Me Both Barrels, And I’m Doing Everything I Can To Give ‘Em Right Back.

What Else Can I/Could I Do, My Peeps?!

I’m Not Going To Lay Down And Die.

I’m Not Going To Let The World Rape Me, And Take Away What Little I Do Have.

I’m Not Going To Stop Fighting My Fight.

Period.

I Just Don’t Want Y’all To Worry About Me.

I Don’t Want Y’all To Waste Your Time And Energy On Something So Frivolous.

I’ll Get It All Worked-Out.

It’s Just Going To Take Some Time.

Lucky For Me, I Have All The Time In The World.

So, We Shall See How This All Pans-Out.

If You Wanna Cross Your Fingers For Me (you know, for good luck and such) Then You’re More Than Welcome To Do So.

Down, But Not Out.

That’s Me.

… … …

…

The Other Purpose Of This Little Posting Is To Celebrate Something Very VERY Special.

I Just Reached Another Personal Milestone With This Little Blog.

Which Milestone Is That, You Ask?!?

1,000 FOLLOWERS!!!

That’s What!!!

Put THAT In Your Collective Pipe And Smoke It, My Peeps!!!

BAAM!!!

1,000 FOLLOWERS!!!

Seeing That Made Me Smile Like Nobody’s Business, Fo SHO!

I Always Kinda Figured I’d Make It To This Stage, Or At Least Did At One Point.

Then I Started Sloughing-Off.

Once That Happened, I Wasn’t Sure I’d Ever Make Here.

But YOU, My Peeps, YOU Kept Coming Back.

New People Kept Showing Up.

The Blog Perpetuated.

We’re Over 1,000 Strong, Now, Kiddies.

Isn’t That Just F-in’ A-MA-ZING?!?!

Good.

I Totally Agree.

😀

I’m Going To Leave You With The Song Of My Morning.

I Don’t Rightly Know How Relevant It Is To My Before Mentioned Topics, But It’s The Song I’m Addicted To, Today.

Ever Heard This One?

“YOU GOT IT“

by ROY ORBISON

???

Great!!!

I Knew A Lot Of You Would Know It, And I Was Banking The Bulk Of You Would Enjoy It.

It’s One Of ROY ORBISON‘s More Peppy, Upbeat Numbers.

I Know, Most Of You Have Only Heard Me Play His Slower, Slightly More Depressing Tunes…

…But NOT Today.

I Do Sincerely Hope You Enjoy It, Kiddies.

And THANK YOU.

THANK YOU For Continuing To Support Me…

…To Support This Blog…

…To Give Me An Outlet Where I Can Honestly Get Something Back.

I Derive So Much Pleasure From Talking To Y’all, Reading Your Work, Exchanging Comments, Ideas, Etc Etc.

Honestly, I Love It.

Fo F-in’  SHO, My Peeps.

😉     😀     😉

It’s FRIDAY, Kiddies.

The Weekend Is Upon Us.

Let Us All Try To Make It A Good One.

I’m Going To Do My Very Best, And Trust Y’all Will Be Doing The Very Same.

Take Care, My Peeps.

Try To Be Good.

See Me Soon, And Talk To Me Sooner.

L8r L8r L8r

The Song Stuck In My Head: “CRYING” by ROY ORBISON (with k.d. lang (1987))

“…I Thought That I…

…Was Over You…

…But, It‘s True…

…So True…

…I Love You Even More…

…Than I Did Before…

…But, Darlin‘, What Can I Do…

…For You Don‘t Love Me…

…And, I‘ll Always Be…

…CRYING…

…Over You…

…CRYING…

…Over You…

…Yes…

…Now You‘re Gone…

…And From This Moment On…

…I‘ll Be CRYING…

…CRYING…

…CRYING…

…CRYING…

…CRYING…

…CRYING…

…Over You.”

—{*}—

\\\///

\\//

\/

I Know What You’re Wondering, My Peeps, I Really Do.

Is Young Bradley Sad This Morning?

Bradley Only Busts-Out The ROY ORBISON When He’s In A Downer Mood.

And, In Thinking That, You’d Be (almost) Very VERY Correct.

I Am Sad, This Morning.

It Happens.

To All Of Us, It Happens.

After Having A Conversation Last Night With Someone, My Mood Has Been Sinking Further And Further.

Again, It Happens.

Every Single Day Can’t Be Bubblegum And Candy, Ya Know?!

And, While I Do Tend To Listen To ROY ORBISON When I’m Down…

…I Also Listen To Him When I’m Supremely Happy.

There’s No Rhyme, Nor Reason.

It Just Happens.

But, Today, I’m So Very VERY Sad.

Being Taken To Task About One’s Life (or lack thereof) Is Never A Conversation One Enjoys.

In That, I’m Very Human.

I Didn’t Like It One Bit.

And, I’d Be Lying If I Said It Didn’t Effect Me On All Levels…

…Mental…

…Emotional…

…Physical…

…You Name It.

Did I Cry?

Even A Little?

You Betcha.

Did I Feel Better Afterward?

No.

Not In The Slightest.

In Fact, I Felt Weak.

I Felt Disgusted With Myself, Honestly.

Why I Let Anyone/Anything Effect Me Like That Is Beyond Me.

But, It Happens.

To The Very Best (and very worst) Of Us, It Happens.

So, This Morning, I Felt It Was Time To Work A Bit.

I Had To Get This Out Of My Head, Even In Some Small Way.

“CRYING“

byROY ORBISON

((with k. d. lang))

…Is My All-Time Favorite Duet In Music History.

Period.

In My Book, It Doesn’t Get Any Better.

I Sincerely Hope Y’all Enjoy It.

… … …

…

QUESTION:

When YOU Are Sad, What Songs Do YOU Listen To, My Peeps???

Anything Specific, Or Special???

Let Me Know.

I’d Love To Know.

May I Know?

…

… … …