Thinking Aloud: Life Sure Is An Odd Duck, Ain’t It.

Well, Ain’t It?

Sure It Is.

My Life Has Always Been Of The Odder(er) Sort.

I’m The Guy That Everything Just Happened To.

If Something Bad Was Possible, I Took The Brunt.

If Something Good Was Possible, Chances Are It Eventually Did Happen In Some Small Way.

If Something In-Between Was Possible, Chances Are I Got The Far-Far-Far-Worse Side Of It.

But, I’m Not Really In The Mood To Complain.

I’m More Of A Mind To Quickly Say “THANK YOU” To You, My Peeps.

I Have My Reasons For Saying “THANK YOU” To You, And I Know I’ll Be Talking About Them More And More As Time Rolls Onward.

But, For Now, For This Moment, I’m Just A Thankful Man.

A Lot Of People Have Tried, And Have Done Their Bestest(est) To Help Carry Me Through These Past Few Years.

As Of Late Monday Afternoon, I Was Informed That A Longstanding Battle I’ve Been Fighting Has Finally Been Resolved.

It Has Been Resolved In MY Favor.

I Won.

My Life Of Hell And Bullshit And Sickness And Poor-Health And More And More Sickness, And Pain, And Suffering, And Blah Blah Blah, And Yakity Schmakity, Has Finally Paid-Off.

At Least, In Regard To This ONE Little Victory.

However, It Makes Me Feel Best Because FINALLY Someone Took Notice That Was In A Position To Do Something About It.

And, They Sided In My Favor.

I’m Elated,

I Feel An Enormous Sense Of Relief.

The 18,000lbs Elephant, With The 800lbs Gorilla Riding Said Elephant, Feel Lifted From Me.

Now I Just Need To Get This Pesky Monkey Off My Damned Back…

…And Perhaps This Chip Off Of My Shoulder…

…Oh, And The Thorn In My Side…




But, Yes, “THANK YOU” Again, Everyone.

Now, Maybe Life Really Can Start Again.

Or, Hopefully, Continue Just Improving And Improving, Bit By Bit.

That Would Be Most Acceptable.

πŸ˜‰Β Β Β Β  πŸ˜€Β Β Β Β  πŸ™‚

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

How Important Is FORGIVENESS???

In Short

It Means The World At That Time.

The Point I Wish To Make With This Post Is That FORGIVENESS May Mean Life.

At Least, Now It Does.

I Was Forgiven For An Exceptional Injustice.

I Was Shocked.

I Was Amazed.

I Didn’t Feel I Deserved It

But I Got It.

To Be Forgiven By Another Is One Thing.

To Forgive One’s Self Is Totally Another.

He Forgave Me, Yet I Can’t Seem To Do The Same For Myself.

I Wish I Could Go Back.

I Wish I Could Stop What I Did Before It Ever Happened.

(((Side Note: I'd Cry, But I'm So Sick Right Now I Can Barely Write.)))

I Was So SO Foolish, And He Deserved Sooo Much More.

Much Better Than I Gave Him.

I Know The Eventual Outcome Wasn’t My Fault.

It Was A Moment Of Pure Stupidity On His Part.

But, That Doesn’t Change How I Feel.

I Wish It Did, But It Didn’t.

I’ve Been Sick, Since.

Since The Forgiveness.

It Just Doesn’t Feel Right.

I Wish He’d Ripped Me A New One.

I Wish He’d Dropped The Bomb On Me.

But, He Didn’t.

He Told Me I Shouldn’t Feel The Blame.

He Told Me That ItΒ  Wasn’t My Fault.

That It’s Nothing I Should Ever Worry Myself About.

But, I Can’t Do That.

I Try Try TRY

But I Can’t Do It.

God How I Wish I Could.

I Think My Life Would Be A Lot Different Had I Sucked-It-Up And Carried-On.

But, I Didn’t.

I Let It Eat At Me.

I Let It Destroy Me.

I Let It

I Let it

I Let It.

Ya Know What, Screw This Post.

I Have So Much I Want To Say

Yet Know I’ll Never Be Able To.

So I’ll End This Here.

Just Know, My Peeps, That You Are Loved AND Cared About Deeply.

If I’ve Wronged You

I’m Sorry.

I Tend To Rub People The Wrong Way, Which Is Why I’m Apologizing.

I Can Only Hope That


I’ll Be Able To Get Beyond All Of This.

This Blog Post Is Evidence Of That.

I’m Trying To Move Beyond This, Kids.

Perhaps, One Day, I’ll Be Able To Do So.


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

The MRI Is Scheduled…

…So Now I Wait.

I’m A Professional At Waiting.

My Whole Life Has Been A Series Of “Waiting Games” And I’m Sure It Has Been The Same For A Lot Of You.




It Seems Like All We Ever Do Is Wait.

I Hate Waiting.

I Sincerely Do.

I’m Good At It.

But, I Still Hate It.

I Just Don’t Know What To Think.

Or, What I Should Think?

Or Even, What’s Available To Me In Regard To Thinking?

The Whole Time I Was In The Emergency Room…

…The Whole Time I Was Thinking About Someone Else.

The Doctor, Or Nurse, Would Come In To Speak With Me…

…And All I Was Concerned About Was Him.

How He’d Feel.

My Life, As Far As I Was Concerned, Was On The Line…

…And He Was All I Thought About.


Of All Things…


If The Almost “Stroke” I Had Would Have Finished Me, What Would He Think?

Would It Devastate Him?

Would It Momentarily Cripple Him?

Would He Even Give Two-Shits?

And I Thought About Loving Him.

How I’ve Kept Quiet.

How I’ve Left Him Alone Because I Knew Doing More Than That Would Upset Him.

Does That Make Me Pathetic?

Knowing I’ve Accepted My Role On The Sidelines?

I Don’t Want To.

I Really Don’t.

But It’s “THAT” Or “NOTHING”.

And Between The Two…


…I’d Accept “THAT”.


…The Point Of This Was The MRI.

It’s Set.

It’s In The Computer.

We’re Ready.

I’m Hoping It’s Clean…

…Just The Same As I’m Hoping To Find Something.

Either Way…

…At Least I’ll Know SOMETHING.

To Me, That’s A Preference.

Good Or Bad, I Wanna Know What’s Up.

Ya Know?!



These Hands Of Mine…

…And This Is 3 Day, Also.

My Hands Continue To Twitch.

There’s Nothing I Can Do About Them.

I’ve Tried Everything I Can Think To Do, Soooooo…

…I’ll Be Making A Doctor’s Appointment.

The Days Of Limited Use Are Plenty For Me.

My Legs Continue To Jump.

They Continue To Move Without My Consent.

I Can Hardly Walk.

My Legs Don’t Want To Move Like They Should.

I Simply Don’t Know What’s Wrong.

You’d Laugh If You Knew How Long It Took Me To Type This.


…The Person Who Types 100WMP.

Not Today.

I’m Lucky To Be Typing At All.

Something Ain’t Right.

And I Don’t Know What.

The Onset Is What’s Scary.

I Went From Zero…

…To Less That Zero….

…And I Did It In Just A Few Days.

Y’all Know I Don’t HaveΒ  A Grand Self-Image…

…And This Is Just Making It All The Worse.

I’m Falling Apart.

In Front Of My Face…

…I Continue To Fall Apart.

My Hands Don’t Work…

…My Legs Don’t Work…

…I Haven’t Even Tried The Rest Of Me, Thought I Expect They Don’t Work Either.

I Can’t Maintain Concentration.


My Attention-Span Is Next To Nothing.

I’m Screwed-Up, My Peeps.

I Don’t Know What’s Up.

I Have Several Theories.

But Nothing Concrete.

And It’s Affecting My Plans.

There’s Someone I Was Planning To Rescue For The Weekend…

…But That Was Scrapped.

I’m Pissing A Lot Of People Off..

I Promise In All Sincerity I Can’t Help What’s Going On.

The Last Thing I Want To Do Is Anger My Friends.

But That’s What’s Happening.

My Friends Deserve Better Than What I Can Provide Them.

They Deserve Another Friend That Can Kick-It With Them.

That Can Spend Time With Them As Needed.

I Can’t Do Shit.

I Can Hardly Make My Way Down The Hallway.

And My Hands…

…My Hands Are Basically Useless.

It’s Taken Me 30-Minutes, Or So, To Type This Much.

Hunt And Peck.

Hunt And Peck.

It’s Killing Me.

I Just Wish I Knew What Was Wrong With Me.

I Want To Type As I Did.

To Write As I Did.

Neither Is Happening.

Thank Christ I’m Not A Ball-Player.

I’d Be On The Disabled-List.

And I’d Be There For No Good Goddamn Reason.

Silly Hands.

Silly Hands.

It’s Mainly My Left Hand.

It’s All Over The Place.

The Right Side Is A Bit Impaired…

…But The Left Side Is Useless.

I Just Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Haven’t The Foggiest.

My Body Function’s Like It’s Had A Stroke.

Except For It Being Wide-Spread…

…That Would Be My First Guess.

My Meds Did Not Help.

Rest Did Not Help.

So, I Continue My Rest…

…In The Hopes That Will Keep It A Bay.

I Don’t Know If It Willl Or Nothing…

…But It’s What I Have To Work-With…

…To Work-On.

Wish Me Continued Success.

Any Success.


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

The Longer I’m Awake… …The Worse It Gets.

I Don’t Know What To Do.

The Weakness Grows Worse.

I Can Barely Move At All.

My Hands Continue To Hit The Wrong Keys.

My Legs Continue To Propel Me Into The Walls.

I Just Don’t Get It.

It’s Been Going On For 2 Days.

And It Appears To Be Getting Worse.

I Feel Useless.

I Feel Sick.

I Feel As Though My Personal Purpose Isn’t Being Fulfilled.

I Have Work To Do.

I Have Writings To Write.

I Have Bloggin’ings To Blog.

I’m Supposed To Be Spending Time With A Friend, Which…


…Is Falling Further And Further Away From Me.

I Can’t Drive.


…I Can Barely Walk.

My Hands Continue To Jerk Away.

They Have A Tremble To Them Unlike Anything I’ve Ever Existed.


…I Am NOT Going To The Doctor.

I Know This Is A Temporary Thing.

I Hope This Is A Temporary Thing.

If It’s Not…

…My Days As A Blogger May Be Over.

You Wouldn’t Believe How Long It Took Me To Type This Up.

With Only Just Using A 2-Finger-yping…

…Playing Hunt-And-Peck Just Isn’t Cutting It.

It’s Killing Me.

I Haven’t Played Hunt-And-Peck Since, Forever.

Something I Haven’t Done Since The Mid-1990s.

I Hate This.

I Wanna Be Normal, Again.

I Wanna Feel Healthy.

I Want Full-Range Of Motion, Again.

This Is Bullshit.

This Link Will Tell You What’s Up.

The Rest Is All On Me.


Right Now.

What I’ll Do Next Is Anyone’s Guess.

I Just Wanna Walk Again.

I Just Wanna Feel Again.

I Just Wanna Use My Goddamn Hands Like A Normal Person.

No Jerking.

No Twitching.

No Major Mistakes.

No Flippin’ Nothin’!!!

I Just Wanna Be The Me I Always Way.

I May Have Hated That Person…

…But At Least He, In Some Way, FUNCTIONED.

I Shall Digress For Now.

My 2 Fingers Are Tired.

I Need A Nap.


…They Need A Rest.

Until Then…

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-


This Totally Sucks.

I Have Wide-Spread Weakness Throughout My Entire Body.

It Took Me Forever Just To Type This Far.

It”s Killing Me.

I Want To Write So Badly.

And Yet, I’m Finding It To Be Difficult.

I’m Moving Around Like I’m Some Sort Of Old Man.

And I Know I’m Not Old.

My Hands Twitch.

As Do My Legs.

My Eyes Don’t Focus.

But The Biggest Issue Is My Hands.

They’re Basically Useless.

It’s Taken Maybe 20 Minutes To Type This Much.

It’s Insane.

I Was Doddery Last night.

It’s Worse Today.

So I Apologize To Y’all, My Peeps.

Unlesss This Clears Up And Does So Quickly…

…I Won’t Be Accomplishing Much Of Anything Today.

This F-in’ Sucks.

It Limited Me Yesterday…

…It’s Killing Me Today.

30 Minutes Now.

I’m Typing With 2 Fingers…

…Which As You Know Isn’t Worth Much Of Anything In The Blogging World.

I Just Wish I Knew What Was Wrong With Me.

It’s Not Just The Left-Side…

…Nor The Right-Side.

It’s The Whole Body.

Twitching Twitching Twitching.

Jerk. Jerk. Jerk.


So, If I Don’t Put-Out Much Material Today…


…Then You Know Why.

It’s Like I Have Parkinson’s Or Something.

I Know It Runs In The Family…

…But Still.

I Was FINE Friday.

But Then Saturday Came…

…I Can Barely Move.

Or, At Least, Move With An Sort Of “Normal” Type Of Movement.

It’s 7AM Now.

I Awoke At 6AM.

I’ve Been Working Since.

Here’s My Progress.


I Know, Right!?!

I Should Have Had 2 Posts Out By Now.

Still, I Continue To Work O This One.

Silly Hands And All.

Very Silly Hands.

I Simply Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me.

Please, Do, Accept My Apologies, My Peeps.

I Just Don’t Understand It.

Do Strokes Affect Both Sides At The Same Time?

Good God I Hope Not.

Then Again, Dear God I Hope So.

At Least A Stroke Would Explain What’s Up.

Otherwise, I’m Saddled With A Mystery.

I Promise To Work More As My Body Improves.

I Don’t Know That It Well…

…But I’m Hopeful.

At This Point, Hopeful Is The Most I Can Muster.

I Don’t Feel Sick.

I Don’t Feel Bad.

I’m Just Wobbly.

I’m Weak.

I Don’t Have The Control Of My Hands.

At Least, Not All Of Them.

I Just Don’t Get It.

… … …




PLEASE Please PLEASE Let Me Know?

… … …

I’m Confused.

I’m Angry.


Help HELP Help HELP ! ! ! !

… … … … …

… … …

And Now…

…I’m Leaving You With Some…


!!! !!! !!!


I Sat Down To Write… …And Got Lost In Thought… …AGAIN!

This Is Happening Far Far FAR TOOOOOO OFTEN.


I Think Of Something I Wanna Write About…

…Then Get Muddled-Up Thinking About A Billion Other Things.

What About This?!

What About That?!

How Did I Manage This?!

What The Hell Is This?!

Why The Hell Am I Thinking About This?!

And On…

…And On…

…And On And On And On!


Drives Me Crazy!



I’m Already Carting Enough Crazy Around With Me To Convert A Small City.

I Wish I Were Joking About That…



…I’m Not.

Hell, I’m Certified!

I’ve Got The Paperwork To Prove It!

Do YOU!?


I Win.


Though, I’m Not Sure That’s Something I’d Really Wanna Claim As A Grand Victory, Ya Know?!



…The Past Few Days Have Not Treated Me Well.

Being Ill Is An Understatement.

Goddamn Sinus-Infection.

They’re Bastards From Hell, I Swear!

So Not Only Is My Head Plugged AND Pounding…

…But It Forces Me To Breathe Through My Mouth.

What Does That Amount To?!




Something I Sincerely Can’t Stand.

So I’ve Been Drinking My Weight In Water…

…And Lemonade.

I Simply LOVE Lemonade.

Must Be The Southern Portion Of My Upbringing.

That Side Of The Fam Was ALWAYS Big Into The Lemonade.

And The Sweet-Tea.

Love That Sweet-Tea.


Why Am I Talking About Lemonade And Tea?!



I’m Just Rambling!


Someone Really Needs To Step-In And Stop Me When I Start That Shit.

I Don’t Mind It, But Everyone Else Seems To Hate It.


I’m Long-Winded!



The Point Of All This Was For Me To Tell You WHY I’ve Been In Reblog-Mode.

It’s Simply Because I Haven’t Felt Great.

And Haven’t Felt Up To Writing, As I Am Now.

And NO, I’m Not Feeling Any Better Right Now.

But I Felt I MUST MUST MUST Get Something Out There To Explain My Recent Actions.

I Simply LOVE The Reblog Option.

When I Don’t Feel Quite Right…

…I Reblog.

Plain And Simple.

It Just So Happens People Have Been Talking About Things In Their Blogs That Sincerely Interest Me.


…I Kinda Figure Other Peeps Might Also Be Interested.

Am I Right?!

Are You Interested?!

I Sure As Shit Hope So.

Otherwise, What’s The Point?!

I Don’t Want To Post Things Peeps Don’t Care About…

…But Sometimes That’s An Impossible Task.


I’m Doing It Again.

I’m Rambling.

I Really Should Get That Part Of My Brain Checked-Out.

There Must Be A “Rambling OFF Button” Somewhere.

No One Has Been Able To Find Mine…


Maybe One Day?!

Maybe, Indeed.


Anyway, Kiddies…

…I’m Tired.

I Need A Rest.

I Haven’t Been Sleeping Very Well During My Current Ills.

It’s Hard To Sleep When You Can’t Breathe Through Your Nose.

This Is Something I’m VERY SURE Y’all Can Identify With.

It’s A Pisser, Fo SHO, My Peeps.


…I’m Going To Put On A Movie…

…I’m Going To Put My Feet Up…

…I’m Going To Relax To The Max…

…And I’m Going To Try My Best To NOT Do Anything Of Mention.

I Figure If I’m Not Doing Anything Worth Mentioning…


…Ya Know…

…Perhaps I Won’t Mention It.


What Movie Shall I Watch?!

I’m Thinking…







!!! !!!


Sound Good To You?!


Sounds Good To Me, Also!!

So Let’s Chill, My Peeps.

Let’s Put Up Our Feet.

Let’s Relax.

Let’s Get Lost In The World That Is Cinema.





I Felt Like Warmed-Over-Arse…

…So I Spent The Bulk Of My Saturday In Bed.

I Simply Couldn’t Function.


I Felt Tired…

…I Felt Lethargic…

…I Felt Mopy And Draggy…

…I Simply Couldn’t Operate Up To Factory Specs.

And I Don’t Even Know What Was Wrong With Me.

It’s Very VERY Unusual For Me To Spend So Much Time Sleeping.

Some Folks Get Away With It…

…But Not I.

And Upon Awaking…

…I Found That I Had Silly Hands.

Silly Hands Means My Hands Are Twitchy.

I Can’t Get Them To Do Exactly As I’d Like…

…Or Exactly As They Would Normally Work.

I Mean, Come On Hands, Work For Me, Dammit, And Work NOW!

It’s Taken Me Forever And A Day Just To Type This Much.

It Sucks.

It Blows HARD, And Not In A Good Way.

There’s Nothing Pleasant About Having Silly Hands.

They Plague Me.

They Are The Bane Of My Existence.

They Cause So Many Issues.

As I Type Onward, They Don’t Improve.

They Only Get Worse.

You Try Typing With Silly Hands.

Or Try Pouring, AND Carrying, A Cup Of Coffee With Them.

Silly Hands Are What Have Kept Me From Doing Any Type Of Technical Work.

Hard To Work On Someone’s Computer When Your Hands Don’t Want To Operate Like They Should.

It’s Maddening.

It’s Frustrating.

It’s A Whole Bunch Of Horseshit, Is What It Is.

And There’s Nothing I Can Do About It.

I Simply Have To Let Them Pass.

Eventually, My Hands Will Go Back To Normal.

Or, As Normal As They’ll Get.

Which Ain’t So Normal.

And NOW I’m Realizing I’ve Spent This Much Time Talking About My Hands.



Get Me On A Roll About Something, And I’ll Just Babble On And On About It.

My Bad.

What I Meant To Be Talking About Was My Health.

I Don’t Feel Right.

I Don’t Feel Well.

I Feel…


…How Do I Feel?

I Feel…


Does Crappy Fit Here?

Crappy SHOULD Fit Here.

I’m Just Not Me.

I Haven’t Been Me All Damned Day.

I Wasn’t Me All Of Yesterday.

Hell, I Wasn’t Even Me This Past Friday.

Just Tired.

Just Draggy.

Just Mopy.

I’d Say I Need To Get Out-N-About And Do Something.

I Would Do So.

But I Sincerely Don’t Know If I’ve Come-Down With Something.

My Temp Was Up A Touch Friday.

I Didn’t Take It Saturday, As I Knew I Didn’t Feel Good.

Perhaps I Should Take It Today?!

Perhaps, Indeed.

I’m Gonna Stop This, Now.

I’m Talking Way Too Much, And For No Good Reason.

As I Said, When I Don’t Feel Good, And I Get On A Topic, I Have The Tendency To Babble.

So I Shall Leave You Be, My Peeps.

I Promise To Work More, Today.

Working Generally Quells My Ill-Feelings.

Let’s Just Hope It Works In This Instance.

I Think I’ll Pop-On A JAMES BOND Flick On The Ole Blu-ray.

That Usually Helps Me Relax.

I’m Thinking…


…How About…


…The Flick That Has Become My Favorite Of The ROGER MOORE Bond Adventures.


That Sounds Good.

Some I’m Gonna Go For That.

Why Not, Eh?!

Why Not, Indeed.


Y’all Take Care.

Y’all Be Good.

Y’all See Me Soon.

Y’all Talk To Me Sooner.

I Foresee Another Day In Bed.

Nothing Wrong With That When You’re Sickly, Right?!





…For The First Time In EIGHT (8) DAYS



I Do Promise To Keep Y’all Apprised Of What’s Going On With This…

…But I Simply Had To Say It To Y’all!

I Can’t Say I Don’t Know WHY She Did This…

…As The WHY Is Pretty Open AND Shut…

She Was F-in HUNGRY!

If Any Of Y’all Hadn’t Had Any Food For EIGHT (8) Days, You’d Be Hungry.



The Question Is…






…To Turn EIGHT (8) Days Of Eating Absolutely Nothing…

…After Losing More Than FOUR (4) Pounds Of Herself In Those EIGHT (8) Days

…To Appear To Suffer Mightily And To Such An Extent As To Make Everyone Question Themselves On Whether She Should Be “Put-Down” To End Said Suffering…

…Into Finally Having Some Nibbles Of Cat Food AND A Little Goat’s Milk?!?!?

??? !!! ???

I Simply Haven’t An Answer.


…This Could Be A Fluke.

She Could Have Just Been Trying To Eat…

…Before Realizing Once Again That Eating Is Not An Option.


All I Know Is She Has Shocked The Hell Out Of Me.


I Sincerely Hope This Isn’t A Fluke.

I Sincerely Hope She’s Coming-Out Of Whatever She’s Been Suffering With.

I Sincerely Hope She Decides To Eat A Little More…

…And Then A Little More…

…And Then More And More And More!

She’s Still Got A Long Way To Go If She’s Going To Make A Full-Recovery…

…To Regain Those Lost Pounds…

…To Get The Moxie Back In Her Mix…

…To Get ANY Spring Back In Those Steps…

…Etc Etc Etc.

Like I Said…

…I Promise To Keep Y’all Apprised Of What’s Going On.

Fluke OR Not

She’s Made Me VERY Happy.


…As Happy As One Can Be In A Situation Like This.

I’m Still Worried As Hell That She’s Going To Die…

…Or That She Continues To Suffer.


…This IS Something.

It Really REALLY IS!

Keep Those Fingers Crossed, My Peeps.

For Those Of You Who Go In For The Whole Prayer Business, Please Continue.

So Long As She Continues To Eat, I Would Like To Think She’s Got A Shot At Recovery.

I Know I’m “Mr. Negative” In Cases Like This…

…But I’m Also “Mr. Hopeful”

…And I’d Settle For No-Less.

I Suppose That’s Why I’m “Mr. Contradiction” Too.