“My Trials and Tribulations with Dreaming”

Having a bad Reality, at times, is one thing.
Having bad Dreams all night about said bad Reality???
O M F G it S U C K S.
The one place I hope to escape to…
…continues to be one more place I can’t really get to.
I really was a much happier person when I could go to sleep and it was like stepping off into the blackness of space (((because I’d be in such a deep deep sleep))).
Now, it’s like falling off of a cliff into a world of twisted and fucked half-memories.

I try to change my current Reality, in the hopes of bettering my future Reality.
But, when it comes to past Reality, I’m helpless.
We all are, I know that.
…I guess I really need to learn how to change my Dreams.




At moments like this, I truly envy people like My Father.

He always told me he rarely, if ever, remembers his Dreams.

I remember the bulk of mine.

And mine are rarely, if ever, pleasant.

Even those with pleasant moments are often still bad Bad BAD Dreams.

It really is ALMOST enough to push a person tooooooooooooooooo far, sometimes.

Sleep is supposed to be restful, riiiiight?

You’re not supposed to feel worse when you awaken of a morning, correct??

And, YES, I’ve had sleep-studies done.

Nothing wrong with my breathing, nor anything else they could honestly measure.

I’ve talked to ((literally)) dozens of shrinks in my lifetime.

I’ve taken every medication they can think of to sling in my direction.

And, yet, here I sit.

Typing this.

Telling you, My Peeps, instead of yet another doctor that doesn’t seem to understand a goddamn thing about Me, nor My Situation.

I don’t want a lot of My Memories.

I don’t want a lot of My Reality.

But, MOST OF ALL, I don’t want to keep having these Dreams.

I accept My Memories.

I accept some of My Reality.

But, I do NOT accept that My “Dreamland” must be tainted.

I can’t accept that.

I won’t accept that.


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

I Do So Enjoy Being Proud Of Myself…

…But Not Because I’m (truly)Proud Of Myself.

I’m Proud Of The Fact I Didn’t F*uck-Something-Up…


This Is What I Can Do:

I’m A Constant Tinkerer-er In Regard To Most Things, Especially IF I’m Interested In It.

But, I Like Understanding The Main Questions One Should Always Ask…

…Especially Those That Yield The Most Answers To my Quarry…

…Or, Are Likely To Yield.







If I Get Those Things, I’m Generally Content.

But, Sometimes  Getting Them All Just Isn’t Enough.

I’m Proud Of Myself For (almost) Being Careful (to a point), (almost) Being Optimistic (though not really), (almost) Open (either to greatness, or to a fault, whichever comes), And (almost) Able To Function. Life Doesn’t Come With A Manual, But You Already Know That. I Just Sincerely Wish There Really Was Something (something at all).

I Do Not “Get” (read as “understand”) Things Faith Based…

…But, I Do Get Those That Are Reality Based.

I Accept REALITY Over FAITH Any Moment Of Any Day.

From What I’ve Seen/Done In Life…

…I Honestly Don’t Care What The Situation Is.

I Care About What I Care About.

I Care About My Peeps, Myself, And Other People’s Approval Of Me.

Not Acceptance.


There IS A Difference.

All Of What I Talk About Is MY Personal Anguish And Joy.

How I’m Feeling.

How I Got Hurt.

How I Made Myself Suffer.

How I Made Someone Else Suffer.

How I Truly Look-At/Consider Topics, And And Certain Things.

I’m Not Sheltered.

I’m Rather Worldly.

I’ve Been All Over The World, As A Matter Of Fact.

And It’s Taught Me That You CANNOT Always Put Yourself “Out There” So So SO Much.


My Head Hurts.

My Eyes Hurt.

I Think It Could Be Bedtime.

Or, It’s Very Close At-Hand.


And Now…

…I Leave You All With The Song That’s Been Playing In My Ear For Nearly 30-Minutes…

BILLY JOEL‘s Exceptionally Fun Jam “KEEPING THE FAITH” From (1983)

Sleep Sweet, My Peeps.

We ALL Deserve It.

So We’re Going To Get It.

Damn Skippy?



😐       😉      😐

“If One Is Lucky, A Solitary Fantasy Can Totally Transform One Million Realities.” –MAYA ANGELOU

-<><>MAYA ANGELOU<><>-