Well, I know it has been a long long while…

…But I sincerely felt the need to do-up a quick post for y’all.

You see, I got to spend tonight conversing with a close friend.

It had been forever and a day since we’d spent any time together, and the conversation was exceptionally enlightening.

We talked about this and that, and it was all very helpful to me.

Eventually, the conversation turned to life, love, and relationships.

He bluntly stated that I sincerely need to make-my-move on my best friend.

We’ve been the best of friends for quite some time, and it’s no secret at all that I’ve been madly in-love with him for the past two years.

It’s an odd situation, to say the least.

Honestly, I would have made my move a long while ago, but I just haven’t felt like the timing was proper.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want him.

Yes, I’d give anything to make him mine Mine MINE.

The biggest reason I haven’t made said move is because I don’t sincerely believe he would say “YES!” to my proposal.

I know it’s odd for a man to be madly in-love with his best friend, but it’s a situation I simply cannot escape.

Soooooo…

…what do I do???

He knows I love him.

He knows I care about him above all others.

He knows I’d marry him at the drop of a hat.

Sadly, I think that’s why nothing has progressed between us.

There’s no challenge.

There’s no mystery.

There’s simply He and I.

The thing is, not much would honestly change between us if we did become an exclusive item.

I just don’t know what to do, kiddies.

I’m happy.

I’m comfortable.

But, alas, I want MORE.

Period.

So, again, what does one do???

How do you tell the person you consider your closest companion that you would be even happier and more contented if he would simply marry you???

His family is in my corner.

Our friends are in my corner.

Everyone of any importance in our worlds seem to feel that we would be the ideal couple.

I totally agree.

The thing is, I don’t think he does.

That’s what’s most difficult.

If he would only say “YES!” to my advances, I’m sure life would grow by leaps and bounds.

I am a man in-lust.

I am a man in-love.

I am a man who wants what he wants, and I’m getting sick and tired of feeling unwanted and under-appreciated.

So, again, I ask “WHAT DO I DO???”

Do I throw caution to the wind and simply go for it?

Or, should I simply be contented with things as they are?

I know, I know…

…I’ve written about this same subject many a time, but the issue continues to plague me.

Am I happy? YES.

Could I be much much happier? YES YES.

And, would I give a year of my life to simply know the answer to the question that continues to haunt my day to day existence? YES YES YES.

It makes me feel pathetic at times, but I don’t rightly care.

I want what I want.

And all I want is HIM.

Period. Period. Period.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

What’s Worse… …???

Yesterday Evening, I Posed A Question On My Facebook Page.

I Felt It Was Pretty Cut And Dry.

Whats Worse
Feeling Like Youre Betraying Someone You Love
Or, Knowing Youre Betraying Your Own Heart???
Either Way, You Lose.
Right???
So, What’s Worse???”

And, WellSince I Didnt Get The Responses I Was Truly Hoping For, Ive Decided To Pose The Same Question To Yall.

I Really Do Wish To Know What People Think (((Sometimes))) And I Cant Think Of Anything Id Rather Have Answered.

So, What Do You Think, My Peeps???

WHATS WORSE???

My Curiosity Abounds.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Feeling Brilliant; Feeling Foolish: It Really Is A Fine FINE Line To Travel Upon…

…And Of That There Can Be Little Debate.

Granted, There Are People Whom Can AND Will Debate Anything AND Everything.

To Those People, Honestly, I Say…

“More Power To Ya.”

To The Rest Of Us Whom Teeter-Totter On The Edge Of  The Before Mentioned “Feeling Brilliant” AND “Feeling Foolish” There Really Isn’t Much To Say Other Than…

“It’s Called LIFE. Deal With It. If You Don’t Get One Outcome, You’re ALMOST Assured To Get The Other. It’s Called LIFE.”

2013, Now More Than Half Over, Has Been A Year Filled With BOTH Feelings/Mindsets.

I Do Admit To Having A Few Truly Brilliant Moments, This Year.

True, They May Have Been Situations Where I Was Confident In The Outcome Ahead Of Time AND Was Thus Proved Correct.

But, Honestly, That Feels A Touch Beside The Point.

At Least, For Now. 😉

Sadly, However, 2013 Has Felt More And More AND MORE Like A Year Of Foolishness On My Part.

Family Issues.

Friend Issues.

Relationship Issues.

Personal Issues.

You Name It, Chances Are I Can Equate Whatever It Is Into Yet Another Foolish Moment For Yours Truly.

But, And I’m Curious About This In Many Respects, What Truly Is The Fine Line Between “Brilliance” And “Foolishness”???

Sadly, I Keep Coming Back To The Same One-Word Answer…

“SUCCESS”

Period.

If Something Is A Winner, Chances Are You’ll Be Overtly Contented.

You’ll Be Feeling The Wondrous Side Of A Success, Regardless Of What It Is.

You’ll Most Likely Even Feel A Flash Of “Brilliance” Wash Over You.

But…

…What If You Fail???

What If There Is No Real Success In Whatever It Is You’ve Attempted???

You’ll Be Feeling The Vile Side Of A Lost Chance At A Success…

…And Of That, I Sincerely Have No Doubts.

You Won’t Feel Any Waves Of “Brilliance” Afterward.

No, You’ll Be Feeling As I Do Most Of The Time.

You’ll Be Feeling Like A “Fool” And Feeling Listless In Wonder As To Where You Went Wrong.

I Think That’s Why I Love Baseball So Very Very Much.

It Truly Is More About Failure And Loss.

At Least, More So Than Anything Else.

Winning Is WONDERFUL!

Losing SUCKS ASS!

But, You Don’t Learn Much From Winning, Other Than The Elation Of The Actual Win.

You Do, On The Other Hand, Learn So So SO Much More From Defeat.

Now, I Know You’re All Waiting For Me To Divulge Some Of Said “Foolish” Moments, But I Don’t Really Think I Can.

Not Without Getting Myself, Or Others, In Trouble…

…With Someone…

…Somewhere…

…Be They Person, Or Entity.

Honestly, The Moment I’m Going To Briefly Mention Is A Combo Of BOTH “Brilliance” AND “Foolishness” Like You Wouldn’t Believe.

You See, My Peeps My Friends The Kiddies, I’ve Been Living Through A Self-Imposed EXILE For Almost A Month, Now.

It’s Honestly Killing Me.

I’ve Never EVER Felt So Alone In My Life.

Hell, I Spent A Couple Months In Boot-Camp, Which Was About The Loneliest Time In My Life…

…Until Now.

I Feel So Alone Because I’ve Simply Been Toooooooooooooo Damned Embarrassed To Be Around Other People.

Period.

Other Than My Immediate Family, Only ONE PERSON Has Seen Me AND Spent Time With Me While I’m In This Condition.

For Those Of You Whom Don’t Know…

…I FINALLY GOT MY ORAL SURGERY!

I Got It Last Month.

I’m Literally About Two-Weeks Away From Having A Perfect Smile, Again!

I Couldn’t Be Happier About That Part.

It’s The Waiting In-Between PHASE I And PHASE II That’s The Killer.

I Do Feel Brilliant For Finally Pulling The Trigger, Plunking Down The Money I Can’t Afford To Burn In Any Way, And Getting ALL Of My Teeth Fixed.

Trust Me, Kids, Years And Years AND YEARS Of Acid Erosion Can Be Dentally Devastating.

I’m A Living, Breathing Poster-Board For It.

Sadly, I Also Am Feeling Very VERY Foolish.

Foolish Because I Have, More Or Less, Gone Into Total Hiding.

I Don’t Go Anywhere ((save my morning walks)).

I Don’t Meet Other People.

I Stay As Totally Off The Social Grid As Possible.

I’m Sad, Yes.

I’m Lonely, Yes.

I’m Going Out Of My Mind In The Want/Need To Spend Time With Those Other People I Care Deeply For.

But, As Foolish As This Exile Has Been…

…For Me, Personally Personally, It Has Been Bordering On Brilliant.

I’ve Looked Bad In The Past…

…But I Really Don’t Want People Seeing Me At My Absolute Worst.

I’m Far Toooooo Self-Conscious For That.

So, By Adding The Pains Of Loneliness…

…Sadness…

…And Racing Thoughts…

…It Adds Up To A Bit Of The “Foolish Factor” Feeling.

BUT, By Removing The Pains Of Embarrassment…

…And Extreme Paranoia Due To The Overt Self-Conscious Issues…

…I’m Experiencing A Touch Of The Ole “Brilliance Factor” Feeling, Also.

😀

Sooooooooooooo…

…What Do You Think?

Am I Just Being Foolish??

Or, Is There Even A Hint Of Brilliance To It???

Do YOU Often Feel Like This????

--Yeah. You. In The Back. Pretending Not To Be Reading Over The Other Person's Shoulder.--

Do YOU Often Feel Like This, My Peeps?????

My Curiosity Abounds!

😀       😉       😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Fighting Physical Cravings: How Does One Do It???

Sooo…

…How Does One…

…How Do YOU Fight Those Cravings Of The Flesh???

How Do You Not Feel Affectionate…

…Nor Aroused…

…Nor Just Plain Horny, When You See Certain Parts Of Your Lover That GREATLY Turn-You-On???

I Don’t Even Mean This In A Dirty Way.

Not Really.

The Blade Of Their HipBone, Slightly StickingOut, Lightly Exposed, While Youre Laying Together.

(((That's MY FAVORITE, By The Way.)))

Or, The Curve Of Their Neck Into Their Naked Shoulder.

Or, Their Amazingly Clear And Beautiful Eyes, After Removing Their WiryGlasses.

I Sincerely Can’t Help Myself In The Presence Of These Things.

Strange, But Wonderful, Sensations Flood My Mind And Body.

I Want To Trace, And Lightly Tongue, That HipBlade.

I Want To Nibble And Nite And Kiss The Neck, The Curve, And The Naked Shoulder.

I Want To Stare Into Those Eyes AllllllNightLong

And Into The Following Morning.

THE SPARK

My Muse

My Lust

My Love

My Desire

…Makes Me Burn.

Not With Anything Bad.

No.

Well, Not Really.

But, I Do Burn.

I Burn With WANT And NEED.

How Does One, In The End, Fight Against WANT And NEED???

I Can't.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Remaining “Cool” And “Focused” During Crazy Times???

Are You Kidding?

ME??

Do THAT???

Riiiiiiiiiiight.

I Will Say “I’m Trying” And I Sincerely Hope That’s Good Enough.

I’m Trying Really Hard, Honestly.

Things Have Been Happening Like Rapid-Fire, And I’m Really Just Trying To Take Everything In Stride WITHOUT Losing Siad “Cool” Or Said “Focus“…

…It’s Just Really REALLY HARD.

Period.

THE SPARK In My Life Does Build Me Up.

But, THE SPARK Also Keeps Me Grounded.

Reminding Me Over And Over That “Keeping My Cool” And “Maintaining My Focus” Are Totally Essential.

Especially Now, While Things Are So Crazy In My Little World.

Sheesh.

How Do YOU Do It, My Peeps???

How Do YOU Stay “Cool” And “Focused”???

Do YOU Have A Routine???

What Is It YOU Do???

Is There Some Trick I’m Missing???

Sheesh, Again.

Lemme Know, Though.

I’m Very Curious, To Say The Least.

I’d Like To Know.

🙂     😉     😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

“For The First Great Question, And That Which Involves Every Other In It, And From Which Every Other Will Flow…”

“…Is HAPPINESS.”

THOMAS PAINE

Thomas Paine (via patriotweek.org)

-{[17371809]}-

-=[FOUNDING FATHER]=-

-=[REVOLUTIONARY]=-

-=[PHILOSOPHER]=-

-=[AUTHOR]=-

-=[WRITER]=-

Something To Ponder, My Peeps.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE Once Said…

NO MAN, For Any Considerable Time, Can Wear One Face To Himself And Another To The Multitude Without Finally Getting Bewildered As To Which May Be The True.”

Nathaniel_Hawthorne (via Wikipedia)

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE ((18041864))

*** *** ***

Yeah.

Now, Tell Me This Quote Wasn’t Written For Me.

Not For Me Alone, No, But Totally For Me In General.

It Gets Right At The Heart Of What I’ve Been Trying To Talk About The Past Few Days.

We Lie To Ourselves So Much.

We Convince Ourselves We’re Not Good Enough…

…Not Fast Enough…

…Not Strong Enough…

…Not Attractive Enough…

…And We Do So At A Break-Neck-Pace.

Suddenly, A Life That Really Wasn’t So Bad Becomes A Living Hell.

Through No One’s Fault But Our Own, We Do This.

We Beat Ourselves Down.

Down To The Ground.

We Take What Good We Do Have Going For Us, And We Tarnish It.

We Do This All The Time.

The Big Question Is…

…As Always…

WHY?!?!?

Does Anyone Have A Decent Answer?

Anyone??

ANYONE???

I Didn’t Think So.

Honestly…

…I Don’t Have A Decent Answer, Either.

I Wish I Did.

I Sincerely Wish I Did.

There Are Some Whom Believe I Lead A Charmed Existence.

And Then, There Are Some Whom I Couldn’t Give My Life To.

 Some May Think It So Vile.

Some May Think It Amazingly Wonderful.

We’re All Different.

Different Wants.

Different Needs.

Different Tastes.

All Of Us.

You.

Me.

Us.

Again, I Ask WHY?!?

Is This Simply How It Goes?

Is This How Life Goes??

Is This All That I Am???

Is There Nothing More???

I Simply Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Wish I Did, But Know I (likely) Never Will.

Which Face Am I Wearing Now?

Which Face Shall I Wear Later?

Does It Honestly Change With The Entrance Of Each New Person Into Our Day?

Which Face Are They Wearing?

Once You Start Thinking About It, You Can Almost Make Yourself Sick.

I Don’t Like The Thought.

I Don’t Like Having To Even Ponder This At All.

I’m Already Wracked With So Much Self-Doubt.

Now, I Can’t Stop Thinking About ME And Then The “ME” Whom The Rest Of The World Is Allowed To See.

They’re Very Different Creatures, Fo SHO, My Peeps.

I’m Very Guilty Of This.

Sadly…

…I Suspect You Are, Also.

Sooo…

…What Do We Do, Now?

Where Do We Go From Here??

I Suppose We Just Carry-On As We Always Do.

I’ll Be ME

You’ll Be YOU

I’ll Show YouME“…

You’ll Show MeYOU“…

And We’ll All Make Sure We Appear To Be That Which We Are Not.

Such Is Life???

So Goes Life???

Shit.

Now I Have A Headache.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

A Relevant Quotation That’s Sticking With Me, Today…

…Comes To Us From FYODOR MIKHAYLOVICH DOSTOYEVESKY:

Lying To Ourselves Is MORE Deeply Ingrained Than Lying To Others.”

192px-Vasily_Perov_-_Портрет_Ф.М.Достоевского_-_Google_Art_Project (via Wikipedia)

How’s ’bout Them Apples, My Peeps?

True?

False?

True To Truth?

What?

What Do YOU Think?

To ME…

…This Quote Is Like A MEGA-SCREAM In The Silent Stillness Of The Night.

I’ve Had It Rollin’ ’round My Brain Since Last Night…

…And I’m Still Thinking About It.

WHY?

Because, It’s So True, My Peeps.

It’s So Very VERY True.

Lying To Others Sucks, But It Can Be Even Worse When We Can’t Remember Exactly Which Lie We Told To Which Person.

Lying To One’s Self, However, Is A Totally Different Animal.

You’ve Got Time To Play With It.

To Mull It Over.

To Utter It Over AND Over Again.

Eventually, Correct OR Not…

…Right OR Wrong…

…Lie OR Truth…

…It Sticks.

Once That Happens, You’re Personally Fu*ked.

Once It’s In There, It’s Nearly Impossible To Remove It.

You’ll Remember It All Right.

You’ll Remember It Well.

You’ll Remember It Waaaaaaaay Tooooooooo Well.

Suddenly, The Lie You Told Yourself Has Become Personal Scripture.

It’s A Part Of You, Now.

Part Of Your Mental AND Emotional Make-Up.

Your Chances Of Forgetting About It Just Went To ZERO.

Or, At Least, As Close To ZERO As One Can Muster.

I’ve Lied A Lot In My Life.

I’d Be A Liar If I Didn’t Admit That.

((Huh??? What???))

BUT…

…I Find It Harder, As The Years Pass Me By, To Maintain Those Lies.

I Hate Lying.

It’s Simply A Necessary Evil, Sometimes.

And At Other Times, It’s Simply Used As A Personal Out.

An Escape.

It Also Becomes A Gut Reaction.

A Lot Of Times, We’re Much More Inclined To Lie Than To Even Consider Facing-Up To The Truth.

I Don’t Like It Anymore Than You Do, My Peeps, But You Know I’m Very Correct.

Lying Becomes Second-Nature.

One Lie Perpetuates Another…

…Perpetuates Another…

…Perpetuates Another.

Pretty Soon, You Find You’re Living A Lie.

I Don’t Want That For Myself.

I Don’t Want To Live A Lie.

The Reality Of My Situation, However, Does Make Me Think AND Reflect.

How Much Of My Life Is A Lie?

How Much Isn’t?

Do I Even Know, Anymore?

Do YOU?

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

“Live Your Questions NOW…”

“…And Perhaps Even Without Knowing It, You Will Live Along Some Distant Day Into Your Answers.

RAINER MARIA RILKE

Rainer_Maria_Rilke,_1900 (via Wikipedia)

-(({18751926}))-

-((POET))-

-((WRITER))-

-((NOVELIST))-