Well, I know it has been a long long while…

…But I sincerely felt the need to do-up a quick post for y’all.

You see, I got to spend tonight conversing with a close friend.

It had been forever and a day since we’d spent any time together, and the conversation was exceptionally enlightening.

We talked about this and that, and it was all very helpful to me.

Eventually, the conversation turned to life, love, and relationships.

He bluntly stated that I sincerely need to make-my-move on my best friend.

We’ve been the best of friends for quite some time, and it’s no secret at all that I’ve been madly in-love with him for the past two years.

It’s an odd situation, to say the least.

Honestly, I would have made my move a long while ago, but I just haven’t felt like the timing was proper.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want him.

Yes, I’d give anything to make him mine Mine MINE.

The biggest reason I haven’t made said move is because I don’t sincerely believe he would say “YES!” to my proposal.

I know it’s odd for a man to be madly in-love with his best friend, but it’s a situation I simply cannot escape.

Soooooo…

…what do I do???

He knows I love him.

He knows I care about him above all others.

He knows I’d marry him at the drop of a hat.

Sadly, I think that’s why nothing has progressed between us.

There’s no challenge.

There’s no mystery.

There’s simply He and I.

The thing is, not much would honestly change between us if we did become an exclusive item.

I just don’t know what to do, kiddies.

I’m happy.

I’m comfortable.

But, alas, I want MORE.

Period.

So, again, what does one do???

How do you tell the person you consider your closest companion that you would be even happier and more contented if he would simply marry you???

His family is in my corner.

Our friends are in my corner.

Everyone of any importance in our worlds seem to feel that we would be the ideal couple.

I totally agree.

The thing is, I don’t think he does.

That’s what’s most difficult.

If he would only say “YES!” to my advances, I’m sure life would grow by leaps and bounds.

I am a man in-lust.

I am a man in-love.

I am a man who wants what he wants, and I’m getting sick and tired of feeling unwanted and under-appreciated.

So, again, I ask “WHAT DO I DO???”

Do I throw caution to the wind and simply go for it?

Or, should I simply be contented with things as they are?

I know, I know…

…I’ve written about this same subject many a time, but the issue continues to plague me.

Am I happy? YES.

Could I be much much happier? YES YES.

And, would I give a year of my life to simply know the answer to the question that continues to haunt my day to day existence? YES YES YES.

It makes me feel pathetic at times, but I don’t rightly care.

I want what I want.

And all I want is HIM.

Period. Period. Period.

Later Nights… …Earlier Mornings: An Insomniac’s Tale of Life and Love

I’m not altogether sure where this is going to go…

…BUT…

…I am sure it’s going to go somewhere.

So stick with me, please?

Thanks!

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Have you ever been torn, My Peeps?

Wow.

Wait.

Okay, I do realize that can be taken sooooo many ways…

(((many of them dirty dirty)))

…so I’ll do my best to clarify.

Have you ever been torn by LOVE?

Knowing you want to be with someone, but knowing you really enjoy the person you’re with at that moment?

Well…

…it has happened to me.

It has happened multiple times, honest.

As far back as I could remember, I was generally with one person while already having wanted, and still wanting, to be with a certain someone else.

I get with someone because they’re very special to me, but all the while I have someone else on the front of my brain.

Someone else whom I already love/want/need/require.

Someone else whom I know I probably can never, and will never, truly call “MINE.”

And, no matter how wonderful things might become with the one person, you still yearn for the certain someone else.

Knowing/Hoping/Feeling/Thinking things WOULD be better if you were truly with the someone else.

It’s crazy, I know.

But, I also believe it to be human nature.

Right?

I mean, it is, right?

“The Grass Is Always Greener Somewhere F*ckin’ Else, And All That Jazz!”

That’s how that goes, riiiiiiight?

Hmm.

Moving On.

Until last night, I truly was torn.

Torn between the lover I once had, whom is now an exceptionally close friend…

…and the man I’ve loved for over a year, whom isn’t mine in any way except in the ways that should truly truly matter.

I’ve been torn, because I can’t spend all the time with the both of them that I’d really like.

And, honestly, it had become harder to juggle.

Last night, however, I had a long talk with the now friend (former lover).

We discussed so much, it was amazing.

He’s not the easiest to speak to at times when the conversation is of a personal nature such as this one was.

But, last night, he was jovial.

He was kind.

He was insightful.

He was respectful.

And he flat-out told me that he felt things would be better for ME if I really did spend more time with the someone else.

He’s not dismissing me.

We’re still going to see each other a lot.

But, now, I truly have the freedom to spend all the time with the someone else whenever I choose.

I won’t have to dance around and be pissy because I have to cancel on one to see the other.

My friend wishes me to explore things with the someone else, knowing now how I truly feel.

Thing is, all of this took place around MIDNIGHT.

And it didn’t end there.

My friend and I stayed up talking for hours and hours, and it was a truly grand experience.

We watched some “BATTLESTAR GALACTICA” and some “STAR TREK: TNG”…

…and then we watched “DARKMAN” on the Blu-ray.

By 3:30am, I was texting with the someone else.

And things couldn’t be better, at least in regard to all of the before mentioned.

We’re cool.

We’re all cool.

So, for the first time in a long time, the tension I’ve felt has lifted.

I feel amazingly contented and relaxed.

I’m happy.

Happy to know I didn’t lose a good friend.

Happy to know I didn’t lose the man I love.

Happy to know things are working out exactly as I had hoped, instead of how I had sadly expected.

Expectations can be a major High, or a major Low Low Low.

I was in the midst of a Low Low Low mindset toward my Expectations.

Instead, I was surprised with the elation of everything working out as I’d truly hoped hoped hoped they would.

Amazing.

I finally went to sleep around 5:30am…

…and was awake and writing this by 7:30am.

I know good moods aren’t forever.

They don’t last.

They can’t last.

Not really real ones.

But, for now, I’m into a really good mood mindset.

And I’m really hoping it’s able to perpetuate for a while.

That would be very nice.

I could use more good days.

This is the first time in a long long long time my not being able to sleep has led to something positive.

Insomnia almost always sucks ass.

Last night, it was an asset.

Go figure, eh?

Yeah.

Go figure.

😉