Defeated… …AGAIN!

Why Me?!

😦

I Don’t Honestly Know Any Other Way To Say It, My Peeps.

I’ve Tried.

But, In The End, I Continue To Come back To Those Two Simple…

…Personally Scathing…

…Personally Crushing Words…

Why Me?!

😦          😦

Why Say “Why Me?!” You Ask???

I Don’t Actually Have An Answer For You.

Not A Good Answer, Anyway.

I Know We Haven’t Talked Much Of Late, But I’m Sure You’ve Already Noticed That.

My “Good Cheer”?!

It’s Gone.

I’m Back Down, Again.

I’m Discovering That My Emotions Are Rather Fragile.

More Fragile Than Even I Had Ever Realized.

Like, Ever Ever.

That’s Probably Because I’ve Spent The Bulk Of My Life Suppressing Them.

As I Slowly Let Them Out, I’m Forced To Realize More And More Why I Had Always Shielded Myself From Them.

To Be Perfectly Honest…

…I Sincerely SUCK At Managing Them.

Period.

I Will Say This, My Peeps…

…I’d Hand-Written A Very Loooooong-Winded Rant About What’s Been Happening Of Late…

…But, Now, I Sincerely Don’t Want To Discuss It All Right Here.

I Made A Promise Not To Write About My Current Love Life…

…Or LACK-THERE-OF…

…And I Was Honestly About To Break That Promise.

Then, Well, I Actually Took The Time To Think It All Over.

Just Know That Things Are No Longer “Going My Way” And It Has Been Quite Depressing.

I Know Things Will Never ALWAYS Go My Way, But In This Instance It Really Did Just Crack Me Over The Skull And Then Laugh At Me.

Have I Learned Anything From My Life’s Recent Events???

Yes.

Yes, I Have.

• –>1.) BE VERY VERY CAREFUL WHOM YOU TRUST!<–

• –>2.) IF SOMETHING FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE HONEST AND TRUE, IT IS!<–

• –>3.) I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BOTH OF THOSE LESSONS BY NOW, I JUST APPARENTLY HAD FORGOTTEN THEM… …AGAIN!<–

😦          😦          😦

Just Do Me A Solid, My Peeps, And Don’t Worry About Me.

I Know I’ll Rebound Again.

It’s Like The Famous Quotation…

“We Are Healed Of A Suffering ONLY By Experiencing It To The Full.”

—MARCEL PROUST

He Was A Rather Smart Man, Wouldn’t You Say?!

Yeah.

I Wholeheartedly Agree, My Peeps.

Totally.

Something To Ponder, My Peeps.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE Once Said…

“NO MAN, For Any Considerable Time, Can Wear One Face To Himself And Another To The Multitude Without Finally Getting Bewildered As To Which May Be The True.”

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE ((1804–1864))

*** *** ***

Yeah.

Now, Tell Me This Quote Wasn’t Written For Me.

Not For Me Alone, No, But Totally For Me In General.

It Gets Right At The Heart Of What I’ve Been Trying To Talk About The Past Few Days.

We Lie To Ourselves So Much.

We Convince Ourselves We’re Not Good Enough…

…Not Fast Enough…

…Not Strong Enough…

…Not Attractive Enough…

…And We Do So At A Break-Neck-Pace.

Suddenly, A Life That Really Wasn’t So Bad Becomes A Living Hell.

Through No One’s Fault But Our Own, We Do This.

We Beat Ourselves Down.

Down To The Ground.

We Take What Good We Do Have Going For Us, And We Tarnish It.

We Do This All The Time.

The Big Question Is…

…As Always…

…WHY?!?!?

Does Anyone Have A Decent Answer?

Anyone??

ANYONE???

I Didn’t Think So.

Honestly…

…I Don’t Have A Decent Answer, Either.

I Wish I Did.

I Sincerely Wish I Did.

There Are Some Whom Believe I Lead A Charmed Existence.

And Then, There Are Some Whom I Couldn’t Give My Life To.

 Some May Think It So Vile.

Some May Think It Amazingly Wonderful.

We’re All Different.

Different Wants.

Different Needs.

Different Tastes.

All Of Us.

You.

Me.

Us.

Again, I Ask WHY?!?

Is This Simply How It Goes?

Is This How Life Goes??

Is This All That I Am???

Is There Nothing More???

I Simply Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Wish I Did, But Know I (likely) Never Will.

Which Face Am I Wearing Now?

Which Face Shall I Wear Later?

Does It Honestly Change With The Entrance Of Each New Person Into Our Day?

Which Face Are They Wearing?

Once You Start Thinking About It, You Can Almost Make Yourself Sick.

I Don’t Like The Thought.

I Don’t Like Having To Even Ponder This At All.

I’m Already Wracked With So Much Self-Doubt.

Now, I Can’t Stop Thinking About ME And Then The “ME” Whom The Rest Of The World Is Allowed To See.

They’re Very Different Creatures, Fo SHO, My Peeps.

I’m Very Guilty Of This.

Sadly…

…I Suspect You Are, Also.

Sooo…

…What Do We Do, Now?

Where Do We Go From Here??

I Suppose We Just Carry-On As We Always Do.

I’ll Be ME…

…You’ll Be YOU…

…I’ll Show You “ME“…

…You’ll Show Me “YOU“…

…And We’ll All Make Sure We Appear To Be That Which We Are Not.

Such Is Life???

So Goes Life???

Shit.

Now I Have A Headache.

Life, Friends, Happiness, Sadness, And Patience.

First-Off…

…Let Me Begin This With A Relevant Quotation.

*** ***

“THE CREST And CROWNING Of ALL GOOD, LIFE’S FINAL STAR, Is BROTHERHOOD.“

—EDWIN MARKHAM

(1852-1940)

*** ***

Alright…

…I’ve Made A Point Of It Before, But I Don’t Have Many Friends.

And By That, I Do NOT Mean Online Friends.

Of Those, I Have A Plethora.

What I Mean Is…

…I Don’t Have Many Friends I Can Physically See With My Own Eyes…

…In-Person…

…Face-To-Face.

And Like Most Folks In This Sort Of Situation, I’m Not Happy About It.

I Know I’ve Always Kinda Been The Loner Type.

I Simply Don’t Handle People Very Well.

Especially People Who Don’t Already Know Me…

…Or…

…At The Least, People Who Don’t Know Certain Things About Me.

It’s Just Exceptionally Hard For Me To Trust Anyone.

And I Do Mean ANYONE.

Other Than My Immediate Family…

…And A Couple Core-Friends…

…Trust Takes Forever And A Day To Drag Out Of Me.

Some People Are Simply Too Trusting, In My Opinion.

The Thing Is, My Peeps…

…I’ve Been Trying…

…Really Really Trying To Let More People In…

(Another Quote Works Very Well Here.)

*** ***

“THE ONLY WAY To HAVE A FRIEND Is To BE ONE.“

—RALPH WALDO EMERSON

(1803-1882)

*** ***

…And I’m Pretty Sure This Has Backfired On Me.

😦

Have You Ever Known Someone Who Trusted You Waaay Too Much?

Maybe??

Okay.

Well, I’ve Only “Over-Trusted” Newer People A Couple Times In My Lifetime.

And In Those Instances, I Got Burned.

So I Closed Myself Off…

…And I Shut Myself Down.

“I’ll Never Trust Anyone That Way, Again!”

…I Would Say To Myself.

And For The Longest Time, I Sincerely Didn’t Trust Anyone Except My Best Friends…

…Whom Have Known Me For 20, Or Even 30 Years, Now.

But…

…Over The Past Year Or So…

…I’ve Been Slowly Slowly Slowly Letting A Couple New People Into My World A Little Deeper Than I Ever Expected To.

To Be Honest, It Really Felt Wonderful To Be Opening-Up A Bit More.

I Would Even Venture To Say I Loved These New Friends.

They Treated Me With Kindness AND Consideration.

They Treated Me As Though I Were One Of Their Own.

From The Same Crop, Ya Know?!

They Made Me Feel Comfortable Being MYSELF.

Isn’t That Were The Love Of Friends Comes From, And Grows?!

But…

…It’s Really Starting To Look Like I Was Wrong.

(Quote Time)

*** ***

“ONE Is EASILY FOOLED By THAT WHICH ONE LOVES.“

—JEAN-BAPTISTE POQUELIN

(Aka “MOLIÈRE“)

(1622-1673)

*** ***

I Hate Hate HATE Feeling This Way.

Feeling Like I’ve Opened-Up Too Much And…

…Either…

1.) The New People Couldn’t Handle My “OVER-TRUSTING” Them.

…Or…

2.) They Were Simply Never Really My Friends In The First Place, And I’ve Simply Been Played As The Fool, Yet Again.

All I Can Really Do Is Reflect Upon The Experiences Of Our Time Spent Together…

…And Deconstruct It.

I’ll Rephrase That.

All I Really AM DOING Is Reflecting Upon The Experiences Of Our Time Spent Together…

…And Deconstructing It OVER And OVER And OVER Again.

Yeah.

That’s How My Brain Works.

I Find It Impossible To NOT Do This.

And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.

Well…

…Crazier.

“What Is It?”

“Where Did I Go Wrong?”

“What Have I Done Wrong?”

“What Have I Done To Deserve This?”

That’s It.

OVER And OVER And OVER Again.

Those Same Questions.

“Was It This?”

“Was It That?”

“Was It Me?”

“Was It Them?”

“Was It Us?”

(And One More Quote)

*** ***

“BE SLOW In CHOOSING A FRIEND, SLOWER In CHANGING.“

—BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

(1706-1790)

*** ***

I’m Going To Say This Now, Just To Be Sure It’s Very VERY Clear…

…I Am NOT Giving-Up On My Friends.

I Will Not.

Or, At The Least, Not Yet.

Time Is Important In Every Friendship.

Time Is Honestly The Most Important Thing In Our Lives.

We’re Always Faced With It.

Fighting It.

Struggling Against It.

But TIME Is LIFE.

Period.

And, Because Of This, I’m Doing Something I Don’t Do Well.

I’m Being Patient.

Being Patient Is NOT A Virtue, By The Way, Regardless Of What You’ve Been Told.

Being Patient Is A LEARNED SKILL.

Period Period.

I’m Very VERY Used To Being Put Into Positions Where Being Patient Is All I Can Be.

It’s Either Be Patient Or Climb The Walls, Ya Know?!

I’m Sure The Bulk Of You Do.

I Don’t Want To Lose My Friends.

I Care Deeply For My Friends…

…Even Though I May Struggle To Show That, Sometimes.

My Closest Friends And I Are Like Family.

We’re Like Brothers.

We Are A Brotherhood.

My Newer Friends And I Are Still In “Friendship Infancy” In Many Ways…

…Though, In Other Ways, I Was Sure We Were More.

Perhaps That Was A Lapse In Judgment By Me.

I Don’t Honestly Know.

I Can’t Know, Yet.

Patience, Bradley, Patience.

I’m Trying To Be.

I Just Hope I’m Being Smart About It…

…And That I’m Doing The Right Thing.

Time Will Tell All…

…Or All It Wants To Tell.

I’m Just Hoping It Does So Sooner, Rather Than Later.

(A Closing Quotation)

*** ***

“SWEET Is A GRIEF WELL ENDED.“

—AESCHYLUS

(c. 525 B.C. – c. 456 B.C.)

😉

“TRUST YOURSELF…”

“…You Know More Than You Think You Do.”

—BENJAMIN SPOCK

-(1903–1998)-

–PEDIATRICIAN–

–EDUCATOR–

–ACTIVIST–

–AUTHOR–

“It Is WEAKNESS Rather Than WICKEDNESS…”

“…Which Renders Men Unfit To Be Trusted With Unlimited Power.“

—JOHN ADAMS

(1735–1826)

-<>Our 2ND PRESIDENT Of The UNITED STATES Of AMERICA<>-

“Only Trust Thyself, And Another Shall Not Betray Thee.” –WILLIAM PENN

–WILLIAM PENN–

-(1644–1718)-

–A FOUNDING FATHER–

“The Best Way To Find Out If You Can Trust Somebody…”

“…Is To Trust Them.“

—ERNEST HEMINGWAY

-(1899–1961)-

–PULITZER PRIZE WINNER For FICTION–

–NOBEL PRIZE WINNER For LITERATURE–

“In Things Of Moment, On Thyself Depend…”

“…Nor Trust Too Far Thy Servant Or A Friend.“

—BENJAMIN FRANKLIN  

(1706–1790)

-AUTHOR-

-INVENTOR-

-DIPLOMAT-

-STATESMAN-

-AMERICAN-