Feeling Brilliant; Feeling Foolish: It Really Is A Fine FINE Line To Travel Upon…

…And Of That There Can Be Little Debate.

Granted, There Are People Whom Can AND Will Debate Anything AND Everything.

To Those People, Honestly, I Say…

“More Power To Ya.”

To The Rest Of Us Whom Teeter-Totter On The Edge Of  The Before Mentioned “Feeling Brilliant” AND “Feeling Foolish” There Really Isn’t Much To Say Other Than…

“It’s Called LIFE. Deal With It. If You Don’t Get One Outcome, You’re ALMOST Assured To Get The Other. It’s Called LIFE.”

2013, Now More Than Half Over, Has Been A Year Filled With BOTH Feelings/Mindsets.

I Do Admit To Having A Few Truly Brilliant Moments, This Year.

True, They May Have Been Situations Where I Was Confident In The Outcome Ahead Of Time AND Was Thus Proved Correct.

But, Honestly, That Feels A Touch Beside The Point.

At Least, For Now. 😉

Sadly, However, 2013 Has Felt More And More AND MORE Like A Year Of Foolishness On My Part.

Family Issues.

Friend Issues.

Relationship Issues.

Personal Issues.

You Name It, Chances Are I Can Equate Whatever It Is Into Yet Another Foolish Moment For Yours Truly.

But, And I’m Curious About This In Many Respects, What Truly Is The Fine Line Between “Brilliance” And “Foolishness”???

Sadly, I Keep Coming Back To The Same One-Word Answer…



If Something Is A Winner, Chances Are You’ll Be Overtly Contented.

You’ll Be Feeling The Wondrous Side Of A Success, Regardless Of What It Is.

You’ll Most Likely Even Feel A Flash Of “Brilliance” Wash Over You.


…What If You Fail???

What If There Is No Real Success In Whatever It Is You’ve Attempted???

You’ll Be Feeling The Vile Side Of A Lost Chance At A Success…

…And Of That, I Sincerely Have No Doubts.

You Won’t Feel Any Waves Of “Brilliance” Afterward.

No, You’ll Be Feeling As I Do Most Of The Time.

You’ll Be Feeling Like A “Fool” And Feeling Listless In Wonder As To Where You Went Wrong.

I Think That’s Why I Love Baseball So Very Very Much.

It Truly Is More About Failure And Loss.

At Least, More So Than Anything Else.



But, You Don’t Learn Much From Winning, Other Than The Elation Of The Actual Win.

You Do, On The Other Hand, Learn So So SO Much More From Defeat.

Now, I Know You’re All Waiting For Me To Divulge Some Of Said “Foolish” Moments, But I Don’t Really Think I Can.

Not Without Getting Myself, Or Others, In Trouble…

…With Someone…


…Be They Person, Or Entity.

Honestly, The Moment I’m Going To Briefly Mention Is A Combo Of BOTH “Brilliance” AND “Foolishness” Like You Wouldn’t Believe.

You See, My Peeps My Friends The Kiddies, I’ve Been Living Through A Self-Imposed EXILE For Almost A Month, Now.

It’s Honestly Killing Me.

I’ve Never EVER Felt So Alone In My Life.

Hell, I Spent A Couple Months In Boot-Camp, Which Was About The Loneliest Time In My Life…

…Until Now.

I Feel So Alone Because I’ve Simply Been Toooooooooooooo Damned Embarrassed To Be Around Other People.


Other Than My Immediate Family, Only ONE PERSON Has Seen Me AND Spent Time With Me While I’m In This Condition.

For Those Of You Whom Don’t Know…


I Got It Last Month.

I’m Literally About Two-Weeks Away From Having A Perfect Smile, Again!

I Couldn’t Be Happier About That Part.

It’s The Waiting In-Between PHASE I And PHASE II That’s The Killer.

I Do Feel Brilliant For Finally Pulling The Trigger, Plunking Down The Money I Can’t Afford To Burn In Any Way, And Getting ALL Of My Teeth Fixed.

Trust Me, Kids, Years And Years AND YEARS Of Acid Erosion Can Be Dentally Devastating.

I’m A Living, Breathing Poster-Board For It.

Sadly, I Also Am Feeling Very VERY Foolish.

Foolish Because I Have, More Or Less, Gone Into Total Hiding.

I Don’t Go Anywhere ((save my morning walks)).

I Don’t Meet Other People.

I Stay As Totally Off The Social Grid As Possible.

I’m Sad, Yes.

I’m Lonely, Yes.

I’m Going Out Of My Mind In The Want/Need To Spend Time With Those Other People I Care Deeply For.

But, As Foolish As This Exile Has Been…

…For Me, Personally Personally, It Has Been Bordering On Brilliant.

I’ve Looked Bad In The Past…

…But I Really Don’t Want People Seeing Me At My Absolute Worst.

I’m Far Toooooo Self-Conscious For That.

So, By Adding The Pains Of Loneliness…


…And Racing Thoughts…

…It Adds Up To A Bit Of The “Foolish Factor” Feeling.

BUT, By Removing The Pains Of Embarrassment…

…And Extreme Paranoia Due To The Overt Self-Conscious Issues…

…I’m Experiencing A Touch Of The Ole “Brilliance Factor” Feeling, Also.



…What Do You Think?

Am I Just Being Foolish??

Or, Is There Even A Hint Of Brilliance To It???

Do YOU Often Feel Like This????

--Yeah. You. In The Back. Pretending Not To Be Reading Over The Other Person's Shoulder.--

Do YOU Often Feel Like This, My Peeps?????

My Curiosity Abounds!

😀       😉       😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Defeated… …AGAIN!

Why Me?!


I Don’t Honestly Know Any Other Way To Say It, My Peeps.

I’ve Tried.

But, In The End, I Continue To Come back To Those Two Simple…

…Personally Scathing…

…Personally Crushing Words…

Why Me?!

😦          😦

Why Say “Why Me?!” You Ask???

I Don’t Actually Have An Answer For You.

Not A Good Answer, Anyway.

I Know We Haven’t Talked Much Of Late, But I’m Sure You’ve Already Noticed That.

My “Good Cheer”?!

It’s Gone.

I’m Back Down, Again.

I’m Discovering That My Emotions Are Rather Fragile.

More Fragile Than Even I Had Ever Realized.

Like, Ever Ever.

That’s Probably Because I’ve Spent The Bulk Of My Life Suppressing Them.

As I Slowly Let Them Out, I’m Forced To Realize More And More Why I Had Always Shielded Myself From Them.

To Be Perfectly Honest…

…I Sincerely SUCK At Managing Them.


I Will Say This, My Peeps…

…I’d Hand-Written A Very Loooooong-Winded Rant About What’s Been Happening Of Late…

…But, Now, I Sincerely Don’t Want To Discuss It All Right Here.

I Made A Promise Not To Write About My Current Love Life…


…And I Was Honestly About To Break That Promise.

Then, Well, I Actually Took The Time To Think It All Over.

Just Know That Things Are No Longer “Going My Way” And It Has Been Quite Depressing.

I Know Things Will Never ALWAYS Go My Way, But In This Instance It Really Did Just Crack Me Over The Skull And Then Laugh At Me.

Have I Learned Anything From My Life’s Recent Events???


Yes, I Have.




😦          😦          😦

Just Do Me A Solid, My Peeps, And Don’t Worry About Me.

I Know I’ll Rebound Again.

It’s Like The Famous Quotation…

We Are Healed Of A Suffering ONLY By Experiencing It To The Full.”


He Was A Rather Smart Man, Wouldn’t You Say?!


I Wholeheartedly Agree, My Peeps.


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

In Regard To Life, Love, Loss, Happiness, Sadness…

Lifes A Funny Creature, Sometimes. She Has A Very VERY Bad Habit Of Jerking The Proverbial Rug From Under Us At The Oddest Moments. Just When Youre Feeling Comfortable. Feeling Secure. Feeling Happy. BAAM! She Strikes. And She Never Strikes Lightly. No No. She Jerks The Rug AND Gives You BOTH Barrels ALL AT ONCE. Such Is Life, Eh?! Yeah. Such Is Life.”


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

When Remembering Turns To Dwelling Turns To Suffering…

You Know Youre Fu*ked.

At This Moment, Im Writing Just To Watch Myself Write.

Ive Slept Less Than 35Hours In The Past 10Nights COMBINED.

Im Irritable.

Im Sullen And Moody.

Ive Lost 15LBS In That 10Day Span.

I Dont Understand Why I Let Myself Get This Depressed.

I Know I Do It To Myself.

Its My Own Fault.

But, IM Not My Own Fault.

I Know That.

I Never Have Been.

I Was Created And Shaped By Events In My Life That Have Seriously Fu*ked-MeUp.

Why Cant I Shake This?

Why Does The Past Still Cling To Me Like The Stench Of Death?

It Haunts My DayToDay Existence.

I Know Why.




Its These Memories.

I Cant Handle Them As Well As Id Like To.

As Well As I SHOULD.

Its Honestly Maddening.

Its Hard.

Its So Very VERY Hard.

I Go From Day To Day Seeing No Benefit From It All.



Ive Become My Own Worst Enemy.

Just As I Was Always TOLD I Would Be.

Just As I Always KNEW I Would Be.

It Happens To Us All At Some Point, Sure.

It’s Life.

Its LIVING Life.

My Moments Of Weakness And Horror Come To Me Like Flashes.

As Images.

Images A Person Should Never See.

No One.

The Thoughts Linger.

The IllFeelings They Cause Linger Longer.

Am I Having An Identity Crisis?

Whatever It Is, Its Hanging On Way Way WAY Tooo Long.

Talking To People Is Becoming More And MORE Difficult.

There Are A Couple Key People Id Love To Talk To.

They Just Dont Want To Talk To Me.

Sometimes, I Break Down And Simply MUST Talk To Someone.

Those Are The Moments When Im Feeling My Worst.

When I Know Somethings Wrong Inside, And I Need To Make An Outside Connection Before I Snap.

I Feel The Worst, Though, When I Do Have To Ask For Help.

But, At The Point I Start Talking, Im Already Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel For The Oxygen I Need To Survive.

I Am.

It Gets Hard To Breathe.

I Start Feeling Sorry For Myself.

I Lose Personal Control.

I Become Someone Else.

Someone I Truly Am NOT.

A Whining




I Know I’m Only 30ishish.

Some Attempt To Push Upon Me That Im Still Far Too Young To Deal With Shit As I Do.

But, Everyones Different


Everyones Got Their Own Stopping And Starting Point.

Their Own Breaking Point.

I Guess Mine Was Just A Bit Earlier In Life Than Some Others.

I Know I Dont Have It That Bad.

Its Not Like Someone Close To Me Has Died, Or Is Dying.

Its Simply The Past.

A Past Ive Yet To Beat.

A Past Ive Yet To Escape From.

A Past Ive Yet To Come To Terms With.

A Past Ive Yet To Let Go Of And Move On From.

And Its Destroying My Present.

I Guess Some Of This Is Normal, Right?

Thinking Of It All Has Just Brought Me Down So Much.

I Just Feel Very Alone, At Times.

But, I Do Understand That Life Could Be Much Worse.


My Once RemarkedUpon Eyes Are Heavy, Dark, And Tired.

My Hopeful Outlook Has Turned Bleak.

Yet, Despite It All, I Survive.

MAYBE It All Has Made Me Stronger In Some Ways?

But, At What Personal Cost?

With Age And Experience Has Also Come Fear



Where I Once Felt Love, I Now Feel Bitterness.

Where I Once Felt Alive, I Now Feel Drained.

Where I Once Cared About Life, I Now Resent It.

So Sad, Yet, So True.

It Just Pisses Me Off To No Extent.

When Wonderful Memories Become Jaded With Time.

I Swear, It Literally Makes Me Sick.

What I Wouldnt Give For A Moments Peace.

A Clear Mind.

A Quiet Mind.

I Know I Have Some Amazing Moments Stored In My BrainCase.

Ive Just Become To Bitter To See Them.

*** ***

PLEASE, My Peeps

Dont Be Alarmed By Anything Ive Said.

Its Just A Downer Moment For Me, And Im Allowing You To Experience It With Me.

I Guess I Just Wanted To Vent A Bit, As I Often Do When I Get Like This.

As Ive Said To Yall Before

…Sometimes, Its Not Just The BEST Therapy

…Its The ONLY Therapy.



So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

The Song Stuck In My Head??? “I Should Have Learned This Lesson Long Ago… …That Friends And Lovers Always Come And Go…” –QUARTERFLASH’s “FIND ANOTHER FOOL” (1981)

QuarterFlash (1981) (via Amazon.com)

FIND ANOTHER FOOLIs A Hot HOT Jam From QUARTERFLASH‘s Self-Titled 1981 Debut Album !!!




“…Now You Claim

That Everythings Okay

Well, Ive Got Just One Thing To Say

Why Dont You

Find Another

((Find Another!))


Find Another

((Find Another!))


Find Another

Find Another


Too Love You

Find Another. …”




Alright, My Peeps…

…Let Me Quickly Say, I Don’t Just Listen To This Song…



…When Someone Has Treated Me Foolishly And I Wanna Vent.


I Also Listen To This Song When I’m Dwelling Upon MY Foolishness.

We’ve All Been Foolish In Matters Of Love At One Point Or Another.

Most Especially In Matters Of Love, Honestly.

In Fact…

…It’s In Matters Of Love Where I’ve Suffered Through Many MANY Bad Experiences In My 30’ish’ish Years.

And, I’ve Done So ((ALMOST)) Totally Because Of MY Personal Foolishness.

Then Again, Isn’t That Generally How It Goes?

Is That How It Always Goes For You?

How About You??

And You, There, In The Back???

Yes, And YOU, Also?!?!?


That’s Kinda What I’d Figured.

Our Favorite Game As Human-Being’s Is LOVE.

Always Has Been.

Some Will Quip, Its Not A Game!”

To Those People, I Say Good On Ya.”

I Also Say, If You Dont Think It’s A Game, Then Youve Likely Been Hurt, Or Have Hurt Someone Else, While Playing And You Are/Were Pissed About It.”

To Be Honest, My Peeps, I Don’t Know What Else To Call LOVE.

It’s Always Felt Like A Game.

It Has Losers.

It Has Winners.

It Has First Time Players.

It Has Umpteenth Time Players.

It Has Unskilled Players.

It Has Highly Skilled Players.

It Has The Sheer Bliss Of A Solid Victory.

It Has The Horrid Dejection Of A Terrible Loss.

In Short…

…If It Ain’t A Game…

…What Is It?!?

That’s A Question I Sincerely Struggle With.

Honestly, As I Said, I Don’t Know What Else To Call It.

I Was Hoping To Get A Hand From Y’all, In That Regard.

That’s What We’re Here For, Correct?!

A Learning Experience.

I Know That’s A Big Reason I’m Here.

It’s Not The Only Reason, But It’s An Important One.

Fo Sho???


😉          😀

LOVE, Whether A Thought OR A Feeling, Perpetuates Foolishness.

We Do So Many Foolish Things Whilst Playing Along.

We Do Things.

Things We Either WANT Or DON’T WANT To Do, All Because Of What We Feel, Or Think We Feel, For Someone, Or Something, Else.

Y’all Know I’m Not Slippin’ You Any Jive.

I’m Callin’ It Like It Is.

The Problem With This Wondrous, Beautiful, Vile, Evil, Amazing Thing We Call Love Is This:

How Do We Know When Were Playing, And How Do We Know When Were Being Played???”


Exactly My Point, My Peeps.

Honestly, You Don’t Know.

You Don’t Know Until Something Eventful Happens.

He Said YES!” 😀

He Said NO!” 😦

He Said MAYBE SO!” 😐

Any Way It Goes, You Never Know Until Something Happens.

You Never Know Until The Proof Is There.

You Never Know Until It’s Tangible.

And, Even Then, Do You Really Know?

You Think You Do.

Is That Enough?

Sometimes, That Has To Be Enough.

Sometimes, That’s All We Really Have.



My Advice?

You Kids Just Be Good.

Play Nice.

Try Not To Hurt Anyone, Especially Yourself.

Try Not To Do Anything Toooooooooo Foolish, Ya Hear Me?!?

Now, Go Get ‘Em, Tiger!!!

Good Game… …Good Game.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

“So Denied. So I Lied. Are You The Now Or Never Kind? …” –EVE 6’s “HERE’S TO THE NIGHT” ((2000))

“…In A Day

And A Day, Love

I’m Gonna Be Gone For Good Again. …

Are You Willing To Be Had? …

Are You Cool With Just Tonight? …”

“…Here’s A Toast

To All Those

Who Hear Me All Too Well. …”


We Felt Alive. …

Here’s To The Tears

You Knew You’d Cry. …

Here’s To Goodbye

Tomorrow’s Gonna Come Too Soon. …”

Eve6_Horrorscope_2000 (via Wikipedia)

HERE’S TO THE NIGHT Is The Ultimate Track From The 2000 AlbumHORRORSCOPEBy The Band EVE 6 !!!

… … …

:: ::




This Song…


by EVE 6

…Gained A Whole New Level Of Relevance With Me During The Latter Portion Of 2000, And Well Into 2001.

To ME, It Was An Anthem For The Always Coming And Always Going Military Person.

I’d Venture To Say Most Of Y’all Have Had A Friend Or Relative In The Armed Forces.

And, Because I Ventured There, I’m Also Venturing Y’all Understand The Process Of Taking “Shore Leave” Or “Liberty” As We Called It.

It’s Horrid.

You Come Home For A Couple Days…

…And Then You’re Gone For Months And Months.

You Come Home Again For Maybe A Week Or So…

…And Then Your Ass Is Out The Door For The Next Year.

For Those Of You Whom Have Never Had To Deal With This Situation, Trust Me, I Envy You.

Going Home On “Shore Leave” Was Almost Always The Best Part Of My Year.

Going Back To Wherever I Was Stationed At The Time Was Always The Biggest Downer.

I May Have Loved My Job In The Navy…

…But There Was Nothing I Hated More So Than Having To Up And Leave My Family And Friends.

I Never Got Used To Saying Goodbye.


But, You Suck-It-Up AND You Deal-With-It.


You Didn’t Have Any Other Options.

That’s Why I Was Drawn To This Song.

I Heard It.

I Listened To It Over And Over.

I Fell In Love With It.

It Was Just So Damned Relevant.

It Fit My Life Situation Perfectly, At That Time.

To This Day, I Have A Very Tender Place In My Heart For This Jam.

It Reminds Me Of An Exceptionally Crazy-Hard Period In My Life.

It Reminds Me Of BOTH The Good AND The Bad Of Said Crazy-Hard Period.

This Song Has Become Quite The Staple In My Life’s Journey.

That’s A Good Thing, Right?!


😀          😀

Please Do Try To Enjoy Your Day, My Peeps.

I Shall Endeavor To Do The Same.

I Wish Us ALL Luck.

L8r L8r, My Tater-Tots.

😉       🙂       😀

These Hands Of Mine…

…And This Is 3 Day, Also.

My Hands Continue To Twitch.

There’s Nothing I Can Do About Them.

I’ve Tried Everything I Can Think To Do, Soooooo…

…I’ll Be Making A Doctor’s Appointment.

The Days Of Limited Use Are Plenty For Me.

My Legs Continue To Jump.

They Continue To Move Without My Consent.

I Can Hardly Walk.

My Legs Don’t Want To Move Like They Should.

I Simply Don’t Know What’s Wrong.

You’d Laugh If You Knew How Long It Took Me To Type This.


…The Person Who Types 100WMP.

Not Today.

I’m Lucky To Be Typing At All.

Something Ain’t Right.

And I Don’t Know What.

The Onset Is What’s Scary.

I Went From Zero…

…To Less That Zero….

…And I Did It In Just A Few Days.

Y’all Know I Don’t Have  A Grand Self-Image…

…And This Is Just Making It All The Worse.

I’m Falling Apart.

In Front Of My Face…

…I Continue To Fall Apart.

My Hands Don’t Work…

…My Legs Don’t Work…

…I Haven’t Even Tried The Rest Of Me, Thought I Expect They Don’t Work Either.

I Can’t Maintain Concentration.


My Attention-Span Is Next To Nothing.

I’m Screwed-Up, My Peeps.

I Don’t Know What’s Up.

I Have Several Theories.

But Nothing Concrete.

And It’s Affecting My Plans.

There’s Someone I Was Planning To Rescue For The Weekend…

…But That Was Scrapped.

I’m Pissing A Lot Of People Off..

I Promise In All Sincerity I Can’t Help What’s Going On.

The Last Thing I Want To Do Is Anger My Friends.

But That’s What’s Happening.

My Friends Deserve Better Than What I Can Provide Them.

They Deserve Another Friend That Can Kick-It With Them.

That Can Spend Time With Them As Needed.

I Can’t Do Shit.

I Can Hardly Make My Way Down The Hallway.

And My Hands…

…My Hands Are Basically Useless.

It’s Taken Me 30-Minutes, Or So, To Type This Much.

Hunt And Peck.

Hunt And Peck.

It’s Killing Me.

I Just Wish I Knew What Was Wrong With Me.

I Want To Type As I Did.

To Write As I Did.

Neither Is Happening.

Thank Christ I’m Not A Ball-Player.

I’d Be On The Disabled-List.

And I’d Be There For No Good Goddamn Reason.

Silly Hands.

Silly Hands.

It’s Mainly My Left Hand.

It’s All Over The Place.

The Right Side Is A Bit Impaired…

…But The Left Side Is Useless.

I Just Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Haven’t The Foggiest.

My Body Function’s Like It’s Had A Stroke.

Except For It Being Wide-Spread…

…That Would Be My First Guess.

My Meds Did Not Help.

Rest Did Not Help.

So, I Continue My Rest…

…In The Hopes That Will Keep It A Bay.

I Don’t Know If It Willl Or Nothing…

…But It’s What I Have To Work-With…

…To Work-On.

Wish Me Continued Success.

Any Success.


So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Why Can’t I Stop Listening To -“I AM…I SAID” by NEIL DIAMOND (1971)- ???


/  \


“…But I’ve Got An Emptiness Deep Inside

And I’ve Tried

But It Won’t Let Me Go

And I’m Not A Man Who Likes To Swear

But I Never Cared For The Sound Of Being Alone…”

… …

Neil Diamond

… …

“…I Am, I Said

To No One There

And No One Heard At All

Not Even The Chair

I Am, I Cried

I Am, Said I

And I Am Lost

And I Can’t Even Say Why. …”






It’s Turned Into One Of THOSE Nights.



Depressingly Depressing.

I Mean, Come On…

…When Do YOU Break-Out The Ole…



This Is The Only Song Of His On My Player…

…And I Never Listen To It…

…Unless I’m Having A Little Personal Pity Party For Me, Personally.

I Love This Song.


…Has Always Been My Favorite Track Of His.


The Lyrics Always Spoke To Me A Tad.

Guess I’ve Been Kinda Depressing.

But When I Get The Blues…

…I Tend To Listen To Sad Songs.


You Do It, Also!!!

You KNOW You Do!!!

Don’t You Dare Try And Lie To Me!!!


Some Peeps, Eh?!

(*shakes head in a disappointing manner*)

Now I Suppose I’m Gonna Be Taking Shit From You Just Because I Broke-Down And Broke-Out Ole NEAL, Eh?!


He Has That Effect On Some Peeps, My Peeps.

I Suppose I Can’t Hold It Against You.

I Could TRY To Do So…

…But Doubt I’d Get Very Far With it.

So I’ll Just Shut-Up.

It’s Not Something I Do Easily.


…Unless I’m Around People I Don’t Know, Nor Want To Speak With.

In Moments Of That Type…

…I’m Like A Younger, Taller,  Better-Looking Version Of…



If You Get That Quip…

…I’m Proud Of You For Paying Attention In Class.


If You Didn’t Get It…


…You Probably Just Didn’t Give A Shit In The First Place.



Come In Here To Vent With Y’all A Touch…


…I Crack A Smile In The Really Real World!

This Is The Really Real World, Isn’t It?!

This Isn’t Russia, Is It?

Is This Russia?!

This Isn’t Russia.

Glad We Got That Straight.

Was Worried For A Minute…

…Or Two…

…Or The Last Two-Hours.

Or Whatever.


Maybe I Should Try Laying Down Again?

Ya Think?!

Alright, Kids.

I’m Takin’ Your Advice.

Just Don’t Wake Me Until The Sun’s Up.

Fat Chance, But I Can Hope…



😉     😀     🙂

Life, Friends, Happiness, Sadness, And Patience.


…Let Me Begin This With A Relevant Quotation.

*** ***




*** ***


…I’ve Made A Point Of It Before, But I Don’t Have Many Friends.

And By That, I Do NOT Mean Online Friends.

Of Those, I Have A Plethora.

What I Mean Is…

…I Don’t Have Many Friends I Can Physically See With My Own Eyes…



And Like Most Folks In This Sort Of Situation, I’m Not Happy About It.

I Know I’ve Always Kinda Been The Loner Type.

I Simply Don’t Handle People Very Well.

Especially People Who Don’t Already Know Me…


…At The Least, People Who Don’t Know Certain Things About Me.

It’s Just Exceptionally Hard For Me To Trust Anyone.

And I Do Mean ANYONE.

Other Than My Immediate Family…

…And A Couple Core-Friends…

…Trust Takes Forever And A Day To Drag Out Of Me.

Some People Are Simply Too Trusting, In My Opinion.

The Thing Is, My Peeps…

…I’ve Been Trying…

…Really Really Trying To Let More People In…

(Another Quote Works Very Well Here.)

*** ***




*** ***

…And I’m Pretty Sure This Has Backfired On Me.


Have You Ever Known Someone Who Trusted You Waaay Too Much?



Well, I’ve Only “Over-Trusted” Newer People A Couple Times In My Lifetime.

And In Those Instances, I Got Burned.

So I Closed Myself Off…

…And I Shut Myself Down.

“I’ll Never Trust Anyone That Way, Again!”

…I Would Say To Myself.

And For The Longest Time, I Sincerely Didn’t Trust Anyone Except My Best Friends…

…Whom Have Known Me For 20, Or Even 30 Years, Now.


…Over The Past Year Or So…

…I’ve Been Slowly Slowly Slowly Letting A Couple New People Into My World A Little Deeper Than I Ever Expected To.

To Be Honest, It Really Felt Wonderful To Be Opening-Up A Bit More.

I Would Even Venture To Say I Loved These New Friends.

They Treated Me With Kindness AND Consideration.

They Treated Me As Though I Were One Of Their Own.

From The Same Crop, Ya Know?!

They Made Me Feel Comfortable Being MYSELF.

Isn’t That Were The Love Of Friends Comes From, And Grows?!


…It’s Really Starting To Look Like I Was Wrong.

(Quote Time)

*** ***





*** ***

I Hate Hate HATE Feeling This Way.

Feeling Like I’ve Opened-Up Too Much And…


1.) The New People Couldn’t Handle My “OVER-TRUSTING” Them.


2.) They Were Simply Never Really My Friends In The First Place, And I’ve Simply Been Played As The Fool, Yet Again.

All I Can Really Do Is Reflect Upon The Experiences Of Our Time Spent Together…

…And Deconstruct It.

I’ll Rephrase That.

All I Really AM DOING Is Reflecting Upon The Experiences Of Our Time Spent Together…

…And Deconstructing It OVER And OVER And OVER Again.


That’s How My Brain Works.

I Find It Impossible To NOT Do This.

And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.



“What Is It?”

“Where Did I Go Wrong?”

“What Have I Done Wrong?”

“What Have I Done To Deserve This?”

That’s It.


Those Same Questions.

“Was It This?”

“Was It That?”

“Was It Me?”

“Was It Them?”

“Was It Us?”

(And One More Quote)

*** ***




*** ***

I’m Going To Say This Now, Just To Be Sure It’s Very VERY Clear…

…I Am NOT Giving-Up On My Friends.

I Will Not.

Or, At The Least, Not Yet.

Time Is Important In Every Friendship.

Time Is Honestly The Most Important Thing In Our Lives.

We’re Always Faced With It.

Fighting It.

Struggling Against It.



And, Because Of This, I’m Doing Something I Don’t Do Well.

I’m Being Patient.

Being Patient Is NOT A Virtue, By The Way, Regardless Of What You’ve Been Told.

Being Patient Is A LEARNED SKILL.

Period Period.

I’m Very VERY Used To Being Put Into Positions Where Being Patient Is All I Can Be.

It’s Either Be Patient Or Climb The Walls, Ya Know?!

I’m Sure The Bulk Of You Do.

I Don’t Want To Lose My Friends.

I Care Deeply For My Friends…

…Even Though I May Struggle To Show That, Sometimes.

My Closest Friends And I Are Like Family.

We’re Like Brothers.

We Are A Brotherhood.

My Newer Friends And I Are Still In “Friendship Infancy” In Many Ways…

…Though, In Other Ways, I Was Sure We Were More.

Perhaps That Was A Lapse In Judgment By Me.

I Don’t Honestly Know.

I Can’t Know, Yet.

Patience, Bradley, Patience.

I’m Trying To Be.

I Just Hope I’m Being Smart About It…

…And That I’m Doing The Right Thing.

Time Will Tell All…

…Or All It Wants To Tell.

I’m Just Hoping It Does So Sooner, Rather Than Later.

(A Closing Quotation)

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(c. 525 B.C. – c. 456 B.C.)