I Ran Across This Quotation Last Night…

And It Felt Very VERY Relevant To What I’ve Been Doing Of Late.

The Man Who Writes About Himself AND His Own Time Is The Only Man Who Writes About All People AND About All Time.”

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

I May Not See It Exactly As SHAW Had, But I Get The Gist Of What He Was Saying.

I Write About Myself, Mainly, Because I’m What I Know.

A Person MUST Write What They Know, And I’m The One Subject I Know The Best.

Sometimes, I Wish I Didn’t Know Myself So Well.

Sometimes, I Wish I Could Just Turn It All Off.

As Kids, My Brother Had A Standing Order For Xmas Or Birthday Gifts.

He Wanted ARemote Controlled BradleySo He CouldTurn Him Off!!!

😦

I’m Not Even Joking There, My Peeps.

That’s Exactly What He Wanted.

People Have Wanted To Turn Me Off The Bulk Of My Life.

It Comes With The Territory.

It Goes HandNHand With Mental Illness.

No One Knows How To Fix You

Yet Everyone Wants To.

Even Little Brothers.

So, What Can I Say Toward That?

Honestly, Not Much.

I Do Wish I Had An Off-Switch.

It Would Have Come In Handy Many, Many Times.

But, Alas, I Do Not.

So, Now What?!

Help Me Here, My Peeps.

What’s Up?

What’s The Story?

What’s The Scoop??

What Can I Do???

It’s Just A Bit After 5AM

Yet, Here I Sit…

Talking To Y’all

Wishing I Had More To Honestly Say.

Everything I Want To Say, I Can’t.

Everything I Want To Do, I Can’t.

So, Where Does That Leave Us?

If You Said Right Back Where We Started You’d Be Very Much Correct.

I’m Tired.

I Feel Used-Up.

I Feel Worn-Out.

Maybe I Should Try Going Back To Bed?

Well, I Would If I Knew It Would Be A Positive.

But, It Wouldn’t Be.

It’d Just Be More Of The Same.

Tossing.

Turning.

BlanklyStaring.

I Just Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Sincerely Don’t Know.

I Do Know I Don’t Write For All People

Nor For All Time.

I’m Just Here.

I’m Just Me.

I’m Just Writing What Feels Right.

Even Though, Sometimes, It’s Very VERY Wrong.

I Hate My Brain.

I Hate My Heart.

I Hate Everything About Myself.

Why?

Because, I Don’t Function Properly.

I Can Be The Nicest, Most Charming Person Around.

And, Then, In The Same Breath, I Can Be Malicious.

I Can Be Cruel.

I Can Be Evil.

Life’s Funny That Way, I Suppose.

Is It Funny I Find That Funny?

Is It Wrong?

Is It In Bad-Taste?

I Just Don’t Know.

I Do Know It’s Time To End This Ramble.

I’m Just Not Feeling It.

I StartedOut Shaky On The Subject

And I Remain So.

So, I’ll Just Shut-Up.

Perhaps Later I’ll Be More Able To Convey My Thoughts And Feelings.

Right Now

Both MY MIND And MY HEART Are In A Very Dark Place.

Trying To Work When I’m Like This Is Generally A Bad Thing.

Nothing Good Has Ever Come Of It

And I Don’t See Any Good Coming Anytime Soon.

Perhaps Later?

Perhaps.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Life, Friends, Happiness, Sadness, And Patience.

First-Off…

…Let Me Begin This With A Relevant Quotation.

*** ***

THE CREST And CROWNING Of ALL GOOD, LIFE’S FINAL STAR, Is BROTHERHOOD.

EDWIN MARKHAM

(1852-1940)

*** ***

Alright…

…I’ve Made A Point Of It Before, But I Don’t Have Many Friends.

And By That, I Do NOT Mean Online Friends.

Of Those, I Have A Plethora.

What I Mean Is…

…I Don’t Have Many Friends I Can Physically See With My Own Eyes…

…In-Person…

…Face-To-Face.

And Like Most Folks In This Sort Of Situation, I’m Not Happy About It.

I Know I’ve Always Kinda Been The Loner Type.

I Simply Don’t Handle People Very Well.

Especially People Who Don’t Already Know Me…

…Or…

…At The Least, People Who Don’t Know Certain Things About Me.

It’s Just Exceptionally Hard For Me To Trust Anyone.

And I Do Mean ANYONE.

Other Than My Immediate Family…

…And A Couple Core-Friends…

…Trust Takes Forever And A Day To Drag Out Of Me.

Some People Are Simply Too Trusting, In My Opinion.

The Thing Is, My Peeps…

…I’ve Been Trying…

…Really Really Trying To Let More People In…

(Another Quote Works Very Well Here.)

*** ***

THE ONLY WAY To HAVE A FRIEND Is To BE ONE.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

(1803-1882)

*** ***

…And I’m Pretty Sure This Has Backfired On Me.

😦

Have You Ever Known Someone Who Trusted You Waaay Too Much?

Maybe??

Okay.

Well, I’ve Only “Over-Trusted” Newer People A Couple Times In My Lifetime.

And In Those Instances, I Got Burned.

So I Closed Myself Off…

…And I Shut Myself Down.

“I’ll Never Trust Anyone That Way, Again!”

…I Would Say To Myself.

And For The Longest Time, I Sincerely Didn’t Trust Anyone Except My Best Friends…

…Whom Have Known Me For 20, Or Even 30 Years, Now.

But…

…Over The Past Year Or So…

…I’ve Been Slowly Slowly Slowly Letting A Couple New People Into My World A Little Deeper Than I Ever Expected To.

To Be Honest, It Really Felt Wonderful To Be Opening-Up A Bit More.

I Would Even Venture To Say I Loved These New Friends.

They Treated Me With Kindness AND Consideration.

They Treated Me As Though I Were One Of Their Own.

From The Same Crop, Ya Know?!

They Made Me Feel Comfortable Being MYSELF.

Isn’t That Were The Love Of Friends Comes From, And Grows?!

But…

…It’s Really Starting To Look Like I Was Wrong.

(Quote Time)

*** ***

ONE Is EASILY FOOLED By THAT WHICH ONE LOVES.

JEAN-BAPTISTE POQUELIN

(Aka “MOLIÈRE“)

(1622-1673)

*** ***

I Hate Hate HATE Feeling This Way.

Feeling Like I’ve Opened-Up Too Much And…

…Either…

1.) The New People Couldn’t Handle My “OVER-TRUSTING” Them.

…Or…

2.) They Were Simply Never Really My Friends In The First Place, And I’ve Simply Been Played As The Fool, Yet Again.

All I Can Really Do Is Reflect Upon The Experiences Of Our Time Spent Together…

…And Deconstruct It.

I’ll Rephrase That.

All I Really AM DOING Is Reflecting Upon The Experiences Of Our Time Spent Together…

…And Deconstructing It OVER And OVER And OVER Again.

Yeah.

That’s How My Brain Works.

I Find It Impossible To NOT Do This.

And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.

Well…

…Crazier.

“What Is It?”

“Where Did I Go Wrong?”

“What Have I Done Wrong?”

“What Have I Done To Deserve This?”

That’s It.

OVER And OVER And OVER Again.

Those Same Questions.

“Was It This?”

“Was It That?”

“Was It Me?”

“Was It Them?”

“Was It Us?”

(And One More Quote)

*** ***

BE SLOW In CHOOSING A FRIEND, SLOWER In CHANGING.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

(1706-1790)

*** ***

I’m Going To Say This Now, Just To Be Sure It’s Very VERY Clear…

…I Am NOT Giving-Up On My Friends.

I Will Not.

Or, At The Least, Not Yet.

Time Is Important In Every Friendship.

Time Is Honestly The Most Important Thing In Our Lives.

We’re Always Faced With It.

Fighting It.

Struggling Against It.

But TIME Is LIFE.

Period.

And, Because Of This, I’m Doing Something I Don’t Do Well.

I’m Being Patient.

Being Patient Is NOT A Virtue, By The Way, Regardless Of What You’ve Been Told.

Being Patient Is A LEARNED SKILL.

Period Period.

I’m Very VERY Used To Being Put Into Positions Where Being Patient Is All I Can Be.

It’s Either Be Patient Or Climb The Walls, Ya Know?!

I’m Sure The Bulk Of You Do.

I Don’t Want To Lose My Friends.

I Care Deeply For My Friends…

…Even Though I May Struggle To Show That, Sometimes.

My Closest Friends And I Are Like Family.

We’re Like Brothers.

We Are A Brotherhood.

My Newer Friends And I Are Still In “Friendship Infancy” In Many Ways…

…Though, In Other Ways, I Was Sure We Were More.

Perhaps That Was A Lapse In Judgment By Me.

I Don’t Honestly Know.

I Can’t Know, Yet.

Patience, Bradley, Patience.

I’m Trying To Be.

I Just Hope I’m Being Smart About It…

…And That I’m Doing The Right Thing.

Time Will Tell All…

…Or All It Wants To Tell.

I’m Just Hoping It Does So Sooner, Rather Than Later.

(A Closing Quotation)

*** ***

SWEET Is A GRIEF WELL ENDED.

AESCHYLUS

(c. 525 B.C. – c. 456 B.C.)

😉