Defeated… …AGAIN!

Why Me?!

😦

I Don’t Honestly Know Any Other Way To Say It, My Peeps.

I’ve Tried.

But, In The End, I Continue To Come back To Those Two Simple…

…Personally Scathing…

…Personally Crushing Words…

Why Me?!

😦          😦

Why Say “Why Me?!” You Ask???

I Don’t Actually Have An Answer For You.

Not A Good Answer, Anyway.

I Know We Haven’t Talked Much Of Late, But I’m Sure You’ve Already Noticed That.

My “Good Cheer”?!

It’s Gone.

I’m Back Down, Again.

I’m Discovering That My Emotions Are Rather Fragile.

More Fragile Than Even I Had Ever Realized.

Like, Ever Ever.

That’s Probably Because I’ve Spent The Bulk Of My Life Suppressing Them.

As I Slowly Let Them Out, I’m Forced To Realize More And More Why I Had Always Shielded Myself From Them.

To Be Perfectly Honest…

…I Sincerely SUCK At Managing Them.

Period.

I Will Say This, My Peeps…

…I’d Hand-Written A Very Loooooong-Winded Rant About What’s Been Happening Of Late…

…But, Now, I Sincerely Don’t Want To Discuss It All Right Here.

I Made A Promise Not To Write About My Current Love Life…

…Or LACK-THERE-OF…

…And I Was Honestly About To Break That Promise.

Then, Well, I Actually Took The Time To Think It All Over.

Just Know That Things Are No Longer “Going My Way” And It Has Been Quite Depressing.

I Know Things Will Never ALWAYS Go My Way, But In This Instance It Really Did Just Crack Me Over The Skull And Then Laugh At Me.

Have I Learned Anything From My Life’s Recent Events???

Yes.

Yes, I Have.

• –>1.) BE VERY VERY CAREFUL WHOM YOU TRUST!<–

• –>2.) IF SOMETHING FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE HONEST AND TRUE, IT IS!<–

• –>3.) I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BOTH OF THOSE LESSONS BY NOW, I JUST APPARENTLY HAD FORGOTTEN THEM… …AGAIN!<–

😦          😦          😦

Just Do Me A Solid, My Peeps, And Don’t Worry About Me.

I Know I’ll Rebound Again.

It’s Like The Famous Quotation…

“We Are Healed Of A Suffering ONLY By Experiencing It To The Full.”

—MARCEL PROUST

He Was A Rather Smart Man, Wouldn’t You Say?!

Yeah.

I Wholeheartedly Agree, My Peeps.

Totally.

What Does One Do?!

I Mean, Really Do?!

When You’re “In Love” It Feels Wonderful.

When You’re “In Love” And The Object Of Your Affections Is Also “In Love” You Feel Amazingly Wondrously Wonderful.

When You’re “In Love” And The Other Person Could Honestly Care Less…

…Well…

…You Feel Worthless.

You Feel Defeated.

You Feel Left Alone, Wounded And Dying On The Battlefield.

But, I Am Finding-Out Something I Didn’t Know Already.

The More I Talk About This, The More I Find-Out Almost No One Gets The One They Truly Want.

Truly Wanted, I Should Say.

I Know, For A Fact, That I’ll Never Get “The One” And I’ve Done My Best To Accept It.

He’s Wonderful.

He’s Amazing.

He’s Untouchable.

At Least…

…Untouchable To Me.

So…

…What Does One Do?

Do You Move On?

Do You Continue The Fight?

Do You Throw A Pit Party And Suffer, Just As I Already Have?

What Does One Do?

That Question…

…Sadly…

…Has Plagued My Thoughts.

It Has Done So For A Long-Time, Now.

What Do I Do?

Do I Cling?

Do I Hold-Out-Hope?

Or, Do I Give-In.

Do I Just Accept What’s Handed To Me And Carry-On?

Isn’t That The Exact Same Thing As Being Defeated?

It’s A Nicer Way Of Saying It…

…But That’s What It Means…

…Right?!?

I Hate Being Sick.

It Gives Me Nothing To Do But Dwell.

Dwell On Things I Shouldn’t.

Dwell On Things I Have No Control Over.

Dwell.  Dwell.  Dwell.

It’s What I Do.

It Does Ignite My Spark, I’ll Give It That.

It Makes Me Want To Sit Here And Do Something.

But What Am I Really Doing?

Am I Saying Anything Important?

Am I Saying Anything That Isn’t Already Known?

No.

Not Really.

Maybe They’ve Yet To Be Said In This Way…

…But They’ve Been Said, Nevertheless.

I’m Just A Statistic.

One Among Billions.

One With An Issue Felt By So So Many.

When Thought Of That Way…

…My Issues Seem Meaningless.

And, Honestly, They Are.

The Only One Who Truly Cares About My Issues Is “A #1” Me.

I Just Need To Pull My Head Out Of My Ass And Get Busy, Again.

I’ve Been In There Long Enough.

This Topic, Coupled With My Illness, Has Made For Plentiful Material.

Perhaps Life Will Once Again Accept Me…

…Allowing Me To Sample From Its Day-To-Day Goings-On.

I Think It Will.

Life’s My Bitch.

It Does What It’s Told.

And When It Doesn’t?

I Curl-Up Into A Little Ball And Sob Loudly In The Quiet Corner.

Man Has To Have Some Outlet, Ya Know?!

SURE YOU DO!!

😉       😉