So, I’ve Had A String Of Overtly Off Moments, Lately…

…And Tonight It Has Really Snowballed Into A Very Deep Depression.

I Know Most Say You Shouldn’t Write For Publication At Times Like These, But, In This Case, It Can’t Be Helped.

It’s Not Your Usual Depression About Your Usual Mundane Bullshit.

Not This Time, Anyway.

For Those Of You Whom Have Read Me For The Past (almost) Two Years, You Know That, While I Do Acquaint Myself With Other People On Occasion, I Generally Spend Most Of My Time Alone.

I Live In My Head, And Am Generally Not The Best Of Company.

I Tend To Be Really Quiet,,, ,,,Except When I Laugh.

I Get My Money’s Worth When I Do Bellow Out A Jolly One.

Aside From My Eyes, My Best Feature May Actually Be That Laugh.

I Even Snort… …On Occasion.

That Generally Means I’ve Laughed Too Hard.

Sadly, Aside From The Time I Spend With Someone Very Special To Me, I Tend To Not Laugh At All.

I Giggle A Bit… …But It’s Internal.

Outwardly, I’m A Tad Cold.

The Problem Is…

...As It Always Is In My World...

…Knowing Some Of Those I Love Most, Are Those Whom Don’t Really Share The Feeling.

I Constantly Get The Feeling Other People Lie And Say They Enjoy My Company, But It’s Only Because They Truly (deep down) Feel Sorry For Me.

Seeing Me Makes Them Realize How Grand Their Life Has The Potential To Be, And Might Already Be.

I’ve Failed At Every Venture I’ve Ever Undertaken.

Every. Single. One.

Alright…

…I Did Win A “First Place Superior” In The 6th Grade Science Fair.

But, They Gave Out Like 10 Of Those.

So, Honestly, It Never Felt Like A True Victory.

Anyway, Sorry, I’m Drifting.

The Point Is…

…I’ve Been The Saddest Boy In The World For The Past 48-Hours, And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.

My Thoughts And Feelings Have Been Running Rampant, And They’re Literally Driving Me (even more-so) Crazy!

Can I Pinpoint The Biggest Issue?

Yes.

Can I Do Anything Whatsoever To Correct Said Biggest Issue?

Not. At. All.

I Know They Say You Shouldn’t Worry About What You Can’t Control, But Piss On Them.

They Just Don’t Get It, Or Are Lying To You AND Themselves.

I Can’t Control How I Feel…

…Yet It Constantly Worries The Everlasting Shit Out Of Me.

You Want A Little Detail?

Fine.

I Have TWO (2) Best Friends…

…One Straight, One Gay.

The Straight One I’ve Known Since The Age Of 2yo, And We’ve Been Best Friends Since The Age Of 10yo.

The Gay One I’ve Known For Three Years…

…And I’ve Been In Love With Him For The Past Two.

That’s What Has Me So Depressed, Kiddies.

The Fact That I Can’t Get Myself Over Those Extra Feelings.

Loving Someone Is Important, Especially Someone You Call Your BFF.

But, Being IN-LOVE With Said BFF???

O M F G

I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin On How That Feels.

For The Most Part, It’s A Mix Of Extreme Joy AND Extreme Pain.

I’ve Loved Before, Sure.

I’ve Loved Many People In My 30+Years On Earth.

But, Never Like This.

Never This Strongly.

And, Yes, I Already Know It Has Very Little Chance To Become More Than What It Already Is…

…More Than What We Already Are.

Yet, I Dont Waiver.

I Dont Stop Feeling As I Do.

I Dont Stop Wanting As I Do.

Needing As I Do.

Its Insane.

Its Killing Me.

Its Crushing What Spirit I May Have.

Yet, I Dont Waiver.

SOOOOO…

…You Tell Me, My Peeps…

…Am I A Fool, Or Just Being Foolish?

There IS A Difference, You Know… …Riiiiiiiiigh???

RIGHT!!!

My Curiosity Abounds, Kiddies.

Honestly And Truly It Does!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

What The Hell Is Going On Around Here?!?

Honestly, My Peeps, So So Very Much Has Been Going On.

Life Has Been Quirky…

…Odd…

…Frustrating…

…Wonderful…

…Horrible…

…Exciting…

…Trying…

…Oh, So Very Very Trying.

BUT…

…I’ve Been Weathering It All Quite Well, I Would Say.

I Know It Has Been A While Since We’ve All Shot-The-Shit…

…Kicked-It-Back…

…Talked-Some-Shop…

…BUT…

…I Sincerely Promise There Have Been Plenty Of Quality Reasons.

You See, My Peeps, I’ve Been Trying Very Very Hard To Have A Life.

It’s Not Something I’m Really Accustomed To.

Like, At All.

But, I Have Been Trying.

I Got Myself A Man.  😀

I Got Myself A Job.  🙂

I Got Myself Fired From Said Job Before It Really Got Going.  😦

I’ve Been Playing The Helpful/Dutiful Son.

I’ve Been Playing The Helpful/Dutiful Grandson.

I’ve Been Playing The Helpful/Dutiful Boyfriend.

I’ve Been Playing For The Sake Of Playing.

I’ve Been Having FUN For A Freakin’ Change, And Trying To Enjoy Every Moment Of It.

😀       🙂       😉

Sadly, It Hasn’t All Been Fun And Games.

I’ve Had Multiple Family Members Die Over The Past Few Months.

:*(     :*(

I’ve Suffered Through A Couple Bouts Of Fairly Extreme Illness.

😦

Life Has Really Been Bringing The Heat, But Totally Keeping Me Honest With A Steady Supply Of Curve-Balls.

Sheesh, I Tell You.

Sheesh, Indeed.

:\

I’m Writing This Today Because I’m Looking To Begin Again.

I Miss Working On This Blog A Bundle, Though I Admit I Could Have Come Back To Y’all A Lot Sooner.

But, I Chose To Continue Being A “Reblog-Whore” And Just Let Things Ride.

I Still Plan To Be A “Reblog-Whore”, But I’ll Be Injecting Myself Into Things Whenever I Can.

😉

TODAY…

…APRIL 10TH…

…Is My Birthday.

Everyone Always Asks The Same Question:

"DO YOU FEEL ANY OLDER?"

Honestly, My Peeps, Yes Yes YES I DO.

Period.

I Know I’m Not THAT Old, But I’m Old Enough.

Old Enough To Realize I Have To Continue Trying To Have A Life.

Old Enough To Understand How Important It Is To Continue Onward.

Old Enough To Feel Old Enough.

I’m Tired, My Peeps.

I’m So Very Tired.

But, There Are Still Duties To Perform…

…And Life Goes On.

I’m Going To Leave Y’all For Now.

But, I Do Promise To Be Back Again.

I’ve Been Writing A Lot.

Pen-To-Paper, Ya Know?

Perhaps I’ll Be Sharing More Of That With Y’all.

I Plan To.

So Let Us All See If I Actually Make That Happen.

I Really Do Plan To.

As I Exit (for now) I’m Going To Leave You With A Song.

A Song That Has Quickly Become A Personal Favorite.

DEPECHE MODE Has Just Released Their Latest Album, DELTA MACHINE, And I’m Totally In LOVE/LUST With It.

Depeche_Mode_-_Delta_Machine (via Wikipedia)

The Song For Today Is…

SOOTHE MY SOUL

…And It’s A Real Kicker!

I Sincerely Hope Y’all Enjoy It.

I Find It Simply Exceptional!!!

Please Take Care, My Peeps.

I’ll Write More When I’m Able.

Until Then…

…Take Care…

…Be Good…

…See Me Soon…

…And Talk To Me Sooner!!!

Much Love To Y’all, Fo SHO Fo SHO!!!

😀     😀     😀     😀     😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

😀     😀     😀

“…There Were Moments Of Gold… There Were Flashes Of Light… There Were Things I’d Never Do Again… But Then They Always Seemd Right…” –PANDORA’S BOX (“It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” (1989))

“…There Were Nights Of Sacred Pleasure

It Was More Than Any Laws Allow

Baby, Baby…”

Originalsin_cover (via Wikipedia)

ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOWWas Originally Released By The Band PANDORAS BOX On The AlbumORIGINAL SINIn 1989 !!!

“…If I Kiss You Like This

And, If You Whisper Like That

It Was Lost Long Ago

But, Its All Coming Back To Me

If You Want Me Like This

And, If You Need Me Like That

It Was Dead Long Ago

But, Its All Coming Back To Me

Its So Hard To Resist

And, Its All Coming Back To Me

I Can Barely Recall

But, ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW! …”

… … … … … … …

… … …

🙂

Alright, My Peeps…

…I Know, I Know…

…Call-Out The Lame Police On Me, This Morning.

I Know, I Know.

But, Hell, It Happens To Everyone At Some Point…

…Right???

RIGHT!!!

Now, I’m Not Going To Try To Defend My Position On This Song…

ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW

by PANDORAS BOX

…I’m Really Just Going To Let The Song And The Lyrics Speak For Themselves.

I Awoke With This Song Playing In My Ear, As I Managed To Fall Asleep (again) With My MP3Player Blaring Some Of My Favorite Jams.

I Know There Are Other Versions Of This Little Number…

…But, Honestly, This Is The One I Remember Most…

…And, This Is The One I Enjoy Most.

Again, I Know, I’m Lame.

My Bad, My Peeps.

My Bad, Indeed.

But, When I Awoke, With This Song Cranking Away, I Simply Felt Powerless.

I Was Caught Within Its Grasp.

So, I Listened To It.

And Then Again.

And Again.

Finally, Before Things Got Out Of Hand, I Knew The Only Way I’d Get It Out Of My Head Was To Blog ’bout It.

It At Least Had The Most Potential For Successfully Getting It Unstuck.

Sadly (or happily depending on your view) It Isn’t Working.

I’m Still Listening.

I’m Still Singing Along.

I’m Still Wishing I Could Properly Say All I’d Like To Say, Right Now.

But, I Know I Can’t.

I’ll Just Say This Is A Song That Feeds My Happiness…

…And Makes Me Smile To (apparently) No End.

Yeah, It’s A Cheesy Song.

Yeah, It’s Probably Not The Best Version.

Yeah, I Don’t Really Give A Rat’s Ass Either Way.

What I Can (and will) Say, Is That I’m In Such A Quality Place, Mentally And Emotionally, Right Now.

Feelings I Haven’t Felt In Seemingly Forever Continue To Bubble-Up To The Surface.

I Feel Good.

I Feel Happy.

I Feel Cared For.

I Feel Connected.

How On Hell’s Half-Acre Could I Even Consider Letting Those Feelings Slip Away?

EXACTLY, My Peeps, I CAN’T.

I WON’T.

Said Feelings Simply FEEL Amazing To Me.

I’m Content, Kiddies.

I’m Finally Content.

And, While This May Not Last, I’m Not Going To Knock-It.

I’ve Wanted To Feel This Way For So SO LOOOOONG.

How Could I Give It Up?!?

Again…

…I CAN’T And I WON’T.

Period.

This Song May Be Total Cheese-Balls…

…But It DOES FIT With My Current Mental And Emotional States.

That’s Good Enough To Make It Blog-Worthy, Right???

RIGHT!!!

😀     😀     😀

Please Enjoy Your Day, My Peeps.

The Weekend Is Upon Us.

Let’s Make It A Good One.

We Deserve That.

We Totally, TOTALLY DO, My Peeps.

Totally.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Defeated… …AGAIN!

Why Me?!

😦

I Don’t Honestly Know Any Other Way To Say It, My Peeps.

I’ve Tried.

But, In The End, I Continue To Come back To Those Two Simple…

…Personally Scathing…

…Personally Crushing Words…

Why Me?!

😦          😦

Why Say “Why Me?!” You Ask???

I Don’t Actually Have An Answer For You.

Not A Good Answer, Anyway.

I Know We Haven’t Talked Much Of Late, But I’m Sure You’ve Already Noticed That.

My “Good Cheer”?!

It’s Gone.

I’m Back Down, Again.

I’m Discovering That My Emotions Are Rather Fragile.

More Fragile Than Even I Had Ever Realized.

Like, Ever Ever.

That’s Probably Because I’ve Spent The Bulk Of My Life Suppressing Them.

As I Slowly Let Them Out, I’m Forced To Realize More And More Why I Had Always Shielded Myself From Them.

To Be Perfectly Honest…

…I Sincerely SUCK At Managing Them.

Period.

I Will Say This, My Peeps…

…I’d Hand-Written A Very Loooooong-Winded Rant About What’s Been Happening Of Late…

…But, Now, I Sincerely Don’t Want To Discuss It All Right Here.

I Made A Promise Not To Write About My Current Love Life…

…Or LACK-THERE-OF…

…And I Was Honestly About To Break That Promise.

Then, Well, I Actually Took The Time To Think It All Over.

Just Know That Things Are No Longer “Going My Way” And It Has Been Quite Depressing.

I Know Things Will Never ALWAYS Go My Way, But In This Instance It Really Did Just Crack Me Over The Skull And Then Laugh At Me.

Have I Learned Anything From My Life’s Recent Events???

Yes.

Yes, I Have.

  • –>1.) BE VERY VERY CAREFUL WHOM YOU TRUST!<–

  • –>2.) IF SOMETHING FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE HONEST AND TRUE, IT IS!<–

  • –>3.) I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BOTH OF THOSE LESSONS BY NOW, I JUST APPARENTLY HAD FORGOTTEN THEM… …AGAIN!<–

😦          😦          😦

Just Do Me A Solid, My Peeps, And Don’t Worry About Me.

I Know I’ll Rebound Again.

It’s Like The Famous Quotation…

We Are Healed Of A Suffering ONLY By Experiencing It To The Full.”

MARCEL PROUST

He Was A Rather Smart Man, Wouldn’t You Say?!

Yeah.

I Wholeheartedly Agree, My Peeps.

Totally.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Pissed-ON!?! Pissed-OFF?!? In This Instance, It Felt Like BOTH!!!

Ever Has One Of Those Moments When You Awaken In The Morning (the wee wee hours of said morning), And Something Doesn’t Feel Quite Right??

You Feel Around Lightly, And Are Quickly Able To Notice You’re Soaked.

You’re Laying In Your Own Bed, And The Physical Sensations Are Telling You One Thing…

“O.M.F.G.! I CANNOT BELIEVE I’D DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!”

At That Moment, A Touch Of A Giggle Is Met With The Horrifying Power Of Anger.

“Yes, I’m Now Completely DRENCHED And Exceptionally PISSED-OFF!!”

So, I Slowly Try To Roll Out Of What I’m Sure Is A Large Puddle In The Center Of My Bed.

Suddenly, As I Slowly turn…

…I Here A *crumple* *crumple* *crunch* Noises.

So I Quickly Make The Decision And Say, “TO HELL WITH THIS!” As I Jumped Up From My Now Soiled Mattress.

I Check My Clothes First For Conformation.

Sure Enough, My Crotch, My Ass, My Hips, My Sleep-Pants, My Sleep Shirt, All Of Me Is Practically Sopping-Wet.

Then, Upon Further Investigation…

…I Found The Culprit Behind It All.

It Was A WATER BOTTLE.

Open Water Bottle In My Bed

Apparently, Bradley Got Thirsty In His Sleep.

He Reached His Water Bottle, Opened It, Possibly Took A Drink, And Then Proceeded To Roll Back Over Into Sleep.

So, My Peeps, I Was Very VERY Pissed At The Notion That I’d Pissed-Myself…

…And Simply Felt Like An Embarrassed-Fool Upon Realizing I Hadn’t Been PISSED ON.

Period.

That Was At 4AM’ish’ish.

It’s Now 5AM’is’ish.

So, Good Morning To You, My Peeps.

May Your Day Be Filed With Enjoyable Moments.

I Won’t. I’m Seeing The Dentist, Today.

I Never Leave There With A Smile, That’s Fo SHO.

Dammit. 😦

Anyway, You Kids…

…Have A Damned Decent Day Out There. 😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

In Regard To Life, Love, Loss, Happiness, Sadness…

Lifes A Funny Creature, Sometimes. She Has A Very VERY Bad Habit Of Jerking The Proverbial Rug From Under Us At The Oddest Moments. Just When Youre Feeling Comfortable. Feeling Secure. Feeling Happy. BAAM! She Strikes. And She Never Strikes Lightly. No No. She Jerks The Rug AND Gives You BOTH Barrels ALL AT ONCE. Such Is Life, Eh?! Yeah. Such Is Life.”

BRADLEY ALAN

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

When Remembering Turns To Dwelling Turns To Suffering…

You Know Youre Fu*ked.

At This Moment, Im Writing Just To Watch Myself Write.

Ive Slept Less Than 35Hours In The Past 10Nights COMBINED.

Im Irritable.

Im Sullen And Moody.

Ive Lost 15LBS In That 10Day Span.

I Dont Understand Why I Let Myself Get This Depressed.

I Know I Do It To Myself.

Its My Own Fault.

But, IM Not My Own Fault.

I Know That.

I Never Have Been.

I Was Created And Shaped By Events In My Life That Have Seriously Fu*ked-MeUp.

Why Cant I Shake This?

Why Does The Past Still Cling To Me Like The Stench Of Death?

It Haunts My DayToDay Existence.

I Know Why.

BECAUSE I LET IT.

Period.

MY BAD.

Its These Memories.

I Cant Handle Them As Well As Id Like To.

As Well As I SHOULD.

Its Honestly Maddening.

Its Hard.

Its So Very VERY Hard.

I Go From Day To Day Seeing No Benefit From It All.

Ive…

Sheesh

Ive Become My Own Worst Enemy.

Just As I Was Always TOLD I Would Be.

Just As I Always KNEW I Would Be.

It Happens To Us All At Some Point, Sure.

It’s Life.

Its LIVING Life.

My Moments Of Weakness And Horror Come To Me Like Flashes.

As Images.

Images A Person Should Never See.

No One.

The Thoughts Linger.

The IllFeelings They Cause Linger Longer.

Am I Having An Identity Crisis?

Whatever It Is, Its Hanging On Way Way WAY Tooo Long.

Talking To People Is Becoming More And MORE Difficult.

There Are A Couple Key People Id Love To Talk To.

They Just Dont Want To Talk To Me.

Sometimes, I Break Down And Simply MUST Talk To Someone.

Those Are The Moments When Im Feeling My Worst.

When I Know Somethings Wrong Inside, And I Need To Make An Outside Connection Before I Snap.

I Feel The Worst, Though, When I Do Have To Ask For Help.

But, At The Point I Start Talking, Im Already Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel For The Oxygen I Need To Survive.

I Am.

It Gets Hard To Breathe.

I Start Feeling Sorry For Myself.

I Lose Personal Control.

I Become Someone Else.

Someone I Truly Am NOT.

A Whining

Crying

Sniveling

UsedToBe.

I Know I’m Only 30ishish.

Some Attempt To Push Upon Me That Im Still Far Too Young To Deal With Shit As I Do.

But, Everyones Different

Correct???

Everyones Got Their Own Stopping And Starting Point.

Their Own Breaking Point.

I Guess Mine Was Just A Bit Earlier In Life Than Some Others.

I Know I Dont Have It That Bad.

Its Not Like Someone Close To Me Has Died, Or Is Dying.

Its Simply The Past.

A Past Ive Yet To Beat.

A Past Ive Yet To Escape From.

A Past Ive Yet To Come To Terms With.

A Past Ive Yet To Let Go Of And Move On From.

And Its Destroying My Present.

I Guess Some Of This Is Normal, Right?

Thinking Of It All Has Just Brought Me Down So Much.

I Just Feel Very Alone, At Times.

But, I Do Understand That Life Could Be Much Worse.

Sadly

My Once RemarkedUpon Eyes Are Heavy, Dark, And Tired.

My Hopeful Outlook Has Turned Bleak.

Yet, Despite It All, I Survive.

MAYBE It All Has Made Me Stronger In Some Ways?

But, At What Personal Cost?

With Age And Experience Has Also Come Fear

Hate

Despair.

Where I Once Felt Love, I Now Feel Bitterness.

Where I Once Felt Alive, I Now Feel Drained.

Where I Once Cared About Life, I Now Resent It.

So Sad, Yet, So True.

It Just Pisses Me Off To No Extent.

When Wonderful Memories Become Jaded With Time.

I Swear, It Literally Makes Me Sick.

What I Wouldnt Give For A Moments Peace.

A Clear Mind.

A Quiet Mind.

I Know I Have Some Amazing Moments Stored In My BrainCase.

Ive Just Become To Bitter To See Them.

*** ***

PLEASE, My Peeps

Dont Be Alarmed By Anything Ive Said.

Its Just A Downer Moment For Me, And Im Allowing You To Experience It With Me.

I Guess I Just Wanted To Vent A Bit, As I Often Do When I Get Like This.

As Ive Said To Yall Before

…Sometimes, Its Not Just The BEST Therapy

…Its The ONLY Therapy.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

The Song Making Me Smile Right This Minute??? “PARALYZER” by FINGER ELEVEN (2007)!!!

/\

//\\

*** ***

I Hold On So Nervously

To Me And My Drink

I Wish It Was Cooling Me. …”

“…But, So Far Has Not Been Good

Its Been Shitty

And, I Feel Awkward As I Should. …”

“…This Club Has Got To Be

The Most Pretentious Thing

Since I Thought You And Me. …”

“…Well, I Am Imagining

A Dark Lit Place

Or, Your Place

Or, My Place. …”

“…Well, Im Not Paralyzed

But, I Seem To Be Struck By You

I Want To Make You Move

Because, Youre Standing Still

If Your Body Matches What Your Eyes Can Do

Youll Probably Move Right Through Me On My Way To You! …”

Fingereleventhemvs.youvs.me (via Wikipedia)

PARALYZER Is Off Of FINGER ELEVENs 2007 Album THEM Vs YOU Vs ME!!!

*** ***

\\//

\/

So…

…Why Is This Song…

PARALYZER

by FINGER ELEVEN

…Making Me Smile So Much, This Morning???

Welllll…

…I Was Invited To Go Out, Last Night.

I Was Invited To Go Out, To Meet-Up At The Local Dance-Club/Bar Place Thingy To Have A Few Drinks, And To Mingle With The Crowd.

Sadly, That’s Why I Had To Turn Down The Offer.

I Wanted To Go Out.

I Really Did.

In Fact, I’ll Admit I Really REALLY Wanted To Go.

So Much So, In Fact, I Originally Said I WOULD Go.

But, Then I Started Thinking About The Large Crowd And That Meager Club.

And, Well, I Slowly Started To FREAK-OUT.

😦

I Simply Can’t Handle It, Anymore.

I Mean, I Can Handle Cramped Spaces.

That’s Not My Issue.

As I’ve Told You Before, I Once Spent Three (3) Days In Solitary Confinement During My Navy Days.

So, No, It’s Not The Small Spaces I Can’t Handle.

It’s The Large Amount Of People In The Close-Quarters That I Can’t Handle.

The Last Time I Was Inside That Club, I Had A Panic-Attack.

There Were Just So Many People.

I Felt Like I, Literally, Could Not Breathe.

I Ended-Up Tearing-Ass Out Of That Place So Fast It Was Frightening.

I’ve Never Been Back Inside That Club.

Not Once.

So…

Why Am I Smiling?!?

I’m Smiling, Because The Guy In The Song Could EASILY Be ME.

He’s Having A Shitty Time.

He Doesn’t Really Want To Be There.

He Feels Awkward.

Later On In The Song, He Says…

“…I Hold Out For One More Drink

Before I Think

Im Looking Too Desperately. …”

Let Me Just Say Right Now, I Know EXACTLY How He Feels.

This Song Makes Me Smile So Much, Because I Can Totally Put Myself In His Place AND I Can Totally Understand Where He’s Coming From.

I’ll Also Admit I’m A Touch Disappointed In Myself For NOT Going Out To Spend Time With My Friend.

I Had The Chance To Show Him He’s More Important Than My Personal Issues…

…And, I Totally Blew That One Out My Ass.

I Know He Won’t Hold It Against Me, As He Already Knows My Feelings Toward The Bar Scene.

But, I Also Know He’s (probably) A Little Disappointed In Me.

That’s Totally MY BAD, My Peeps, I Know.

BUT, I’m Pretty Damned Decent At Making-Up For My Disappointments.

What Can I Say, I’ve Had A LOT Of Practice In That Field.

And, As A Final Admission, I’ll Tell You That My Friend Is VERY Attractive.

STRIKINGLY Attractive…

…Just Like The Other Person Being Talked About In The Song.

Strikingly Attractive People

+

Alcohol

+

Bradley

???

Nah.

That NEVER Works-Out Tooo Well.

So Many Reasons To Stay Home…

…Just Like The Guy In The Song Wanted To Do…

…And, Therefore, So Many Reasons To Be Smiling About This Song…

FINGER ELEVENs

PARALYZER

…This Morning.

I Think I’ll Just Settle For A Lunch Date.

Somewhere Uncrowded.

Somewhere Quite.

Somewhere I Can Have An Actual Conversation With The Other Person WITHOUT The Shitty Dance-Club-Soundtrack In The Background.

Sound Better To You???

GREAT!!!

Sounds Better To ME, Also!!!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

😀       😉       😀

Something To Ponder, My Peeps.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE Once Said…

NO MAN, For Any Considerable Time, Can Wear One Face To Himself And Another To The Multitude Without Finally Getting Bewildered As To Which May Be The True.”

Nathaniel_Hawthorne (via Wikipedia)

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE ((18041864))

*** *** ***

Yeah.

Now, Tell Me This Quote Wasn’t Written For Me.

Not For Me Alone, No, But Totally For Me In General.

It Gets Right At The Heart Of What I’ve Been Trying To Talk About The Past Few Days.

We Lie To Ourselves So Much.

We Convince Ourselves We’re Not Good Enough…

…Not Fast Enough…

…Not Strong Enough…

…Not Attractive Enough…

…And We Do So At A Break-Neck-Pace.

Suddenly, A Life That Really Wasn’t So Bad Becomes A Living Hell.

Through No One’s Fault But Our Own, We Do This.

We Beat Ourselves Down.

Down To The Ground.

We Take What Good We Do Have Going For Us, And We Tarnish It.

We Do This All The Time.

The Big Question Is…

…As Always…

WHY?!?!?

Does Anyone Have A Decent Answer?

Anyone??

ANYONE???

I Didn’t Think So.

Honestly…

…I Don’t Have A Decent Answer, Either.

I Wish I Did.

I Sincerely Wish I Did.

There Are Some Whom Believe I Lead A Charmed Existence.

And Then, There Are Some Whom I Couldn’t Give My Life To.

 Some May Think It So Vile.

Some May Think It Amazingly Wonderful.

We’re All Different.

Different Wants.

Different Needs.

Different Tastes.

All Of Us.

You.

Me.

Us.

Again, I Ask WHY?!?

Is This Simply How It Goes?

Is This How Life Goes??

Is This All That I Am???

Is There Nothing More???

I Simply Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Wish I Did, But Know I (likely) Never Will.

Which Face Am I Wearing Now?

Which Face Shall I Wear Later?

Does It Honestly Change With The Entrance Of Each New Person Into Our Day?

Which Face Are They Wearing?

Once You Start Thinking About It, You Can Almost Make Yourself Sick.

I Don’t Like The Thought.

I Don’t Like Having To Even Ponder This At All.

I’m Already Wracked With So Much Self-Doubt.

Now, I Can’t Stop Thinking About ME And Then The “ME” Whom The Rest Of The World Is Allowed To See.

They’re Very Different Creatures, Fo SHO, My Peeps.

I’m Very Guilty Of This.

Sadly…

…I Suspect You Are, Also.

Sooo…

…What Do We Do, Now?

Where Do We Go From Here??

I Suppose We Just Carry-On As We Always Do.

I’ll Be ME

You’ll Be YOU

I’ll Show YouME“…

You’ll Show MeYOU“…

And We’ll All Make Sure We Appear To Be That Which We Are Not.

Such Is Life???

So Goes Life???

Shit.

Now I Have A Headache.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-