Something To Ponder, My Peeps.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE Once Said…

“NO MAN, For Any Considerable Time, Can Wear One Face To Himself And Another To The Multitude Without Finally Getting Bewildered As To Which May Be The True.”

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE ((1804–1864))

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Yeah.

Now, Tell Me This Quote Wasn’t Written For Me.

Not For Me Alone, No, But Totally For Me In General.

It Gets Right At The Heart Of What I’ve Been Trying To Talk About The Past Few Days.

We Lie To Ourselves So Much.

We Convince Ourselves We’re Not Good Enough…

…Not Fast Enough…

…Not Strong Enough…

…Not Attractive Enough…

…And We Do So At A Break-Neck-Pace.

Suddenly, A Life That Really Wasn’t So Bad Becomes A Living Hell.

Through No One’s Fault But Our Own, We Do This.

We Beat Ourselves Down.

Down To The Ground.

We Take What Good We Do Have Going For Us, And We Tarnish It.

We Do This All The Time.

The Big Question Is…

…As Always…

…WHY?!?!?

Does Anyone Have A Decent Answer?

Anyone??

ANYONE???

I Didn’t Think So.

Honestly…

…I Don’t Have A Decent Answer, Either.

I Wish I Did.

I Sincerely Wish I Did.

There Are Some Whom Believe I Lead A Charmed Existence.

And Then, There Are Some Whom I Couldn’t Give My Life To.

 Some May Think It So Vile.

Some May Think It Amazingly Wonderful.

We’re All Different.

Different Wants.

Different Needs.

Different Tastes.

All Of Us.

You.

Me.

Us.

Again, I Ask WHY?!?

Is This Simply How It Goes?

Is This How Life Goes??

Is This All That I Am???

Is There Nothing More???

I Simply Don’t Know, My Peeps.

I Wish I Did, But Know I (likely) Never Will.

Which Face Am I Wearing Now?

Which Face Shall I Wear Later?

Does It Honestly Change With The Entrance Of Each New Person Into Our Day?

Which Face Are They Wearing?

Once You Start Thinking About It, You Can Almost Make Yourself Sick.

I Don’t Like The Thought.

I Don’t Like Having To Even Ponder This At All.

I’m Already Wracked With So Much Self-Doubt.

Now, I Can’t Stop Thinking About ME And Then The “ME” Whom The Rest Of The World Is Allowed To See.

They’re Very Different Creatures, Fo SHO, My Peeps.

I’m Very Guilty Of This.

Sadly…

…I Suspect You Are, Also.

Sooo…

…What Do We Do, Now?

Where Do We Go From Here??

I Suppose We Just Carry-On As We Always Do.

I’ll Be ME…

…You’ll Be YOU…

…I’ll Show You “ME“…

…You’ll Show Me “YOU“…

…And We’ll All Make Sure We Appear To Be That Which We Are Not.

Such Is Life???

So Goes Life???

Shit.

Now I Have A Headache.

A Relevant Quotation That’s Sticking With Me, Today…

…Comes To Us From FYODOR MIKHAYLOVICH DOSTOYEVESKY:

“Lying To Ourselves Is MORE Deeply Ingrained Than Lying To Others.”

How’s ’bout Them Apples, My Peeps?

True?

False?

True To Truth?

What?

What Do YOU Think?

To ME…

…This Quote Is Like A MEGA-SCREAM In The Silent Stillness Of The Night.

I’ve Had It Rollin’ ’round My Brain Since Last Night…

…And I’m Still Thinking About It.

WHY?

Because, It’s So True, My Peeps.

It’s So Very VERY True.

Lying To Others Sucks, But It Can Be Even Worse When We Can’t Remember Exactly Which Lie We Told To Which Person.

Lying To One’s Self, However, Is A Totally Different Animal.

You’ve Got Time To Play With It.

To Mull It Over.

To Utter It Over AND Over Again.

Eventually, Correct OR Not…

…Right OR Wrong…

…Lie OR Truth…

…It Sticks.

Once That Happens, You’re Personally Fu*ked.

Once It’s In There, It’s Nearly Impossible To Remove It.

You’ll Remember It All Right.

You’ll Remember It Well.

You’ll Remember It Waaaaaaaay Tooooooooo Well.

Suddenly, The Lie You Told Yourself Has Become Personal Scripture.

It’s A Part Of You, Now.

Part Of Your Mental AND Emotional Make-Up.

Your Chances Of Forgetting About It Just Went To ZERO.

Or, At Least, As Close To ZERO As One Can Muster.

I’ve Lied A Lot In My Life.

I’d Be A Liar If I Didn’t Admit That.

((Huh??? What???))

BUT…

…I Find It Harder, As The Years Pass Me By, To Maintain Those Lies.

I Hate Lying.

It’s Simply A Necessary Evil, Sometimes.

And At Other Times, It’s Simply Used As A Personal Out.

An Escape.

It Also Becomes A Gut Reaction.

A Lot Of Times, We’re Much More Inclined To Lie Than To Even Consider Facing-Up To The Truth.

I Don’t Like It Anymore Than You Do, My Peeps, But You Know I’m Very Correct.

Lying Becomes Second-Nature.

One Lie Perpetuates Another…

…Perpetuates Another…

…Perpetuates Another.

Pretty Soon, You Find You’re Living A Lie.

I Don’t Want That For Myself.

I Don’t Want To Live A Lie.

The Reality Of My Situation, However, Does Make Me Think AND Reflect.

How Much Of My Life Is A Lie?

How Much Isn’t?

Do I Even Know, Anymore?

Do YOU?

Engaged Twice… …But Still Single.

That’s Right, My Peeps.

Yours Truly Has Been Ready To Tie-The-Knot…

…Not ONCE…

…But TWICE.

At Least, I’ve Asked Two Different People To Marry Me.

The First Was An Impossibility.

She Knew It.

I Knew It.

But, It Happened Nevertheless.

Is She Better-Off Without Me?

Oh, Most Definitely.

She Was Younger.

She Was Hotter.

She Was A Jock.

Yet, She Was So Tender AND Loving.

She Lit-Up A Room Upon Entering.

She Made Everyone Smile.

She Made My Friends Pat Me On The Back Saying…

“Well Done, Sir. Well Done, Indeed.“

As It Turned-Out, However, I Was NOT What She Was Looking For.

The Engagement…

…Which Was Made Through A Phone-Call…

…Lasted Almost Exactly TWO (2) Months.

Not A Lot Of Time, I Grant That.

But Those Were Two Very Special Months.

For The First Time In My Life, I Sincerely Felt As Though I Belonged.

I Had The Gal Of My Dreams, And Nothing Was Going To Take That Away From Me.

Nothing Except Her, Of Course.

She Broke-Off The Engagement.

That Part Stung A Bit, But I Understood.

Just THREE (3) Days Later, However, She Broke-Off The Entire Relationship.

That Part Stung More Than A Bit.

It Was The Only Time In My Life I Could Easily Say I Felt Something For A Member Of The Fairer-Sex.

After She And I Ended Our Union, I Totally Gave-Up On Trying To Date Women.

I Could Never Do Better Than Her, That’s Fo SHO.

When You’ve Had The Best, Why Deal With The Rest?

Of Course, While She And I Were On-The-Rocks, I Was Also Seeing A Fellow Shipmate On The Side.

He Was Slightly My Elder.

He Was Slightly Taller.

He Was Slightly More Attractive.

He Was Priceless, Honestly.

When I Told Him My Girl Had Finally Become Fed-Up With The Whole “Long Distance” Thing, His Response Was Muted.

“Well, Hell, It Happens.“

That Was The Most I Could Get Out Of Him In This Regard.

He Knew I Wasn’t Like The Rest.

He Knew That, While Personally Disheartening, The Break-Up Wouldn’t Do Much Harm.

He Knew What I Was.

I Didn’t.

But, He Did.

I Was Still In My “Total Denial“ Phase.

You’ve Been Through One, Before.

We All Have.

Not About The Same Thing, No…

…But About Something.

There’s Always A Part Of Ourselves We’re Not Pleased With.

Something We Deny, And Continue To Deny.

We’ll Deny It Until We’re Forced To Do Otherwise.

It Took Another TWO (2) YEARS Before I Finally Came To Grips With My Denial.

I Maintained It As Long As I Could.

I Fought A Good Fight.

In The End…

…I Lost The Battle To Myself.

Hey, It Happens.

Such Is Life.

The Second Time I Was Engaged, The Circumstances Were Much, MUCH Different.

This Was Someone I’d Dated A While.

A Long While.

BUT…

…I Knew I Was Ready.

I Knew Whom I Wanted…

…And Exactly What I Wanted.

So, I Asked.

And He Said “YES“!!!

I Was Shocked AND Amazed.

I Didn’t Expect The “YES“, Actually.

I Expected The “Well, You’re A Great Guy, BUT…” Speech.

But, That Didn’t Happen.

Instead, I Was Suddenly Engaged For The Second Time.

Except, This Time, I Was Simply Sure Sure SURE It Was Going To Work-Out.

We’d Been Together For Over 2-Years At That Point.

It Felt Like A Very Safe Bet, And I Was Ready.

I Was Ready To Take The Plunge And Simply Go For It.

It Wasn’t Long Afterward The Proverbial Rug Was Ripped From Under Me.

He Broke-Off The Engagement…

…And Then The Relationship.

I Wanted To Cry.

I Wanted To Show How Much It Hurt.

But, I Didn’t.

I Just Sucked-It-Up.

I Carried-On.

I Will Say This…

…If I Ever Need To Escape A Relationship…

…All I Really Need To Do Is Ask The Person To Marry Me.

In Fact, I’d Likely Be Single Again Before The End Of The Day.

Is It Me?

Am I The Reason They Duck-Out?

Or, Is It Something Else?

Perhaps It’s Thoughts Of The Future?

Our Future?

Could YOU Handle Marrying Someone You Already Knew Had Mental Difficulties???

That Could Turn-Out To Be The Question Of The Day.

Could YOU Handle It, My Peeps?

Could YOU See Yourself Loving Someone Like That?

Someone Who Spends Most Of His Time In A Dark, Sullen Mood?

Someone Who Always Sees The Negative BEFORE He Sees Anything Positive?

Could You?

Could You Handle It?

It’s A Valid Question, My Peeps.

It’s One Where I’m Very, VERY Curious About The Answer.

“Live Your Questions NOW…”

“…And Perhaps Even Without Knowing It, You Will Live Along Some Distant Day Into Your Answers.“

—RAINER MARIA RILKE

-(({1875–1926}))-

-((POET))-

-((WRITER))-

-((NOVELIST))-

I Want To Write… …I Need To Write.

I Feel Most Comfortable With My Pen In My Hand…

…And Plenty Of Paper To Write Upon.

I Like To Type-Up My Work, Sure, But I Sincerely Prefer Putting Pen To Paper.

I’m More Comfortable That Way.

My Handwriting Is Unique Enough That Only I Totally Understand It All.

So It Feels So Much More Personal To Me.

Are You Like That?

Is Anyone Like That?

Anyone?

How Many Of You Are Far More Comfortable That Way?

I Think Better That Way.

I Can More Completely Construct My Thoughts.

I Think I’ve Just Lost My Focus.

I’ve Lost My Drive.

My Determination.

My Personal Purpose.

I Write Sometimes Just For The Sake Of Writing.

I Write Sometimes Because I Sincerely Have Something To Say.

Sometimes, It’s Meaningless.

Sometimes, It Means Everything.

Sometimes, I Pray That Someone Will Read What I Write.

Sometimes, I Don’t Give A Shit If Anyone Reads Any Of It.

Sometimes, It’s All For You.

Sometimes, It’s All For Me.

Sometimes, It’s All For Us.

And Sometimes, I Just Don’t Know Who/What I’m Writing For At All.

Do You?

No, Of Course Not.

You’re Not Me.

How Could You Know Why I Do As I Do?

Exactly.

Everyone’s Different.

Everyone Does Everything For A Different Reason.

Well…

…Okay…

…Sometimes We All Do As We Do For The Exact Same Reason.

I Acknowledge That.

But For The Most Part…

…We’re All Doing What We’re Doing For Our Own Reasons.

I Just Wish I Could Get My Thoughts Straight.

I Wish I Could Stop Thinking In Seemingly Endless Circles.

It’s Maddening, Honestly.

But, When It’s All Said And Done, I Come Back To My Writing.

It’s The One Thing I Have That I Can Truly Call My Own.

Well…

…Okay…

…My Writing AND My Mistakes.

Both Are My Own.

Perhaps That’s Why I Combine Them So Often.

Nothing Feels More Mine Than Writing About My Mistakes.

I’ve Made Some Whoppers, That’s Fo SHO.

But Everyone Has.

Whoppers Abound, I Know.

When I Make One, I Almost Immediately Break Out The Pen And Paper.

I Try To Put My Thoughts Together.

I Try To Make Sense Of What Happened…

…Of What I Did Wrong THIS TIME.

Sometimes, It Helps Like Nothing Else.

Sometimes, It Only Makes It Worse Once I Realize Exactly Where I Went Wrong.

I’m A Mental And Emotional Dweller.

And Today, I’m Dwelling.

I’m Dwelling HARD.

So…

…I’m Writing.

Trying To Make Sense Of Things.

Thus Far…

…It’s Not Helping.

Not YET, At Least.

Give Me Time.

I’ll Get It All Worked Out.

With Pen In Hand…

…I’ll Get It All Worked Out.

I Hope.

I Hope.

The Tag Blogathon, Turkey!!!

I Received My TAGGING From…

CKCKRED

@

http://cinematicfilmblog.com

…And Listed Below Are The Rules Of Said “Tag Blogathon”…

…Okie The Dokie?!

Coolio!!!

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1. Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.
2. They must also answer the 11 questions the ‘tagger’ has set for them.
3. They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.
4. They must then choose 11 bloggers and tag them in their post.
5. These lucky bloggers must then be told.
6. There are no tag backs.

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11 Things About BRADLEY…

#1: My Favorite Food Is PB&J!

#2: I Simply LOVE Going For A Walk, Long Or Short!

#3: Coffee Is My Favorite Beverage!

#4: I Used To Love Playing Baseball…

#5: …Now I Just Love Watching Baseball…

#6: …And I’m An Avid FANTASY Baseball Player!

#7: History Is My Favorite Subject!

#8: I Sincerely LOVE “Crap-Tastic” Flicks!

#9: My Favorite TV Show EVER Is “STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION”!

#10: I Watch More Documentaries Than Anything Else!

#11: “KRULL” (1983) Is My Favorite Motion Picture Of ALL-TIME!

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THE QUESTIONS I MUST ANSWER:

1. The Sopranos or The Wire?

“THE SOPRANOS”! 🙂

2. The Simpsons or South Park?

“SOUTH PARK”! 🙂

3. 2001 or E. T.?

“2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY”! 🙂

4. What film do you love but don’t have the urge to see very often?

“DR. STRANGELOVE: Or, HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB”! 🙂

5. Is there a star you have particular dislike for?

VIN DIESEL! Can’t Stand Him At All! 🙂

6. What recent movie you think in years to come will be hailed as a classic?

Honestly, I’m Going With Two Flicks On This One! 🙂

“OPEN RANGE” (2003)

(A Tough, Gritty Western Starring Kevin Costner And Robert Duvall, And Is A Damned Fine Western Indeed)!

“DOWNFALL” (2004)

(An Amazing And Powerful Look Into Germany During It’s Final Days Of WWII.)!

7. What is the best film you ever got to see in theaters?

“RETURN OF THE JEDI” In 1983! 🙂

8. Do you think Blu-Ray matters?

Not Really. I Like It A Lot, Sure, But I Don’t Honestly Need It, So It Really Doesn’t Matter So Long As I Get To Watch My Flicks! 🙂

9. What movie was the biggest disappointment for you?

By Far Far FAR It’s “GODZILLA” (1998)! 😦

10. If you could be any movie or TV character, who would it be?

I’d Be RALPH (William Katt) “THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO”! 😀

11. Who is your favorite actor/actress?

VINCENT PRICE, PETER SELLERS, and BURT REYNOLDS! 😀

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And Now, The 11 QUESTIONS I MUST ASK:

#1.) What’s Your Favorite Horror Flick??

#2.) Who’s Your Man: VINCENT PRICE Or CHRISTOPHER LEE Or PETER CUSHING??

#3.) If You Could Drive ANY FAMOUS CAR From A Motion Picture, What Would You Drive??

#4.) Do You Still Buy Books, Or Are You Totally Digital Now??

#5.) If You Could Bring Back Any Canceled TV SERIES, What Would It Be AND Why??

#6.) What’s Your Favorite COMFORT FOOD??

#7.) Do You Enjoy Going On The Classic ROAD-TRIP??

#8.) HITCHCOCK Or KUBRICK??

#9.) PETER SELLERS As “Inspector Clouseau” Or STEVE MARTIN??

#10.) Who Is Your Favorite HISTORICAL FIGURE??

#11.) Did You Just Grab My Ass??

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As For The Nominations…

Ms. Jaz @ http://catseyesk.wordpress.com/

Mr. Allan @ http://ohmsweetohmdotme.wordpress.com/

Ms. Carolyn @ http://abcofspiritalk.wordpress.com/

Ms. Emily @ http://emilyguido.com/

Mr. Yas @ http://yasniger.wordpress.com/

The Peeps @ http://slicethelife.com/

Mr. George @ http://euzicasa.wordpress.com/

My Southern Belle @ http://whiteladyinthehood.wordpress.com/

The Devilishly Devil @ http://devildespair.wordpress.com/

…And…

Mr. Smak @ http://prometheantimes.com/

😀     😉     😀