What The Hell Is Going On Around Here?!?

Honestly, My Peeps, So So Very Much Has Been Going On.

Life Has Been Quirky…

…Odd…

…Frustrating…

…Wonderful…

…Horrible…

…Exciting…

…Trying…

…Oh, So Very Very Trying.

BUT…

…I’ve Been Weathering It All Quite Well, I Would Say.

I Know It Has Been A While Since We’ve All Shot-The-Shit…

…Kicked-It-Back…

…Talked-Some-Shop…

…BUT…

…I Sincerely Promise There Have Been Plenty Of Quality Reasons.

You See, My Peeps, I’ve Been Trying Very Very Hard To Have A Life.

It’s Not Something I’m Really Accustomed To.

Like, At All.

But, I Have Been Trying.

I Got Myself A Man.  😀

I Got Myself A Job.  🙂

I Got Myself Fired From Said Job Before It Really Got Going.  😦

I’ve Been Playing The Helpful/Dutiful Son.

I’ve Been Playing The Helpful/Dutiful Grandson.

I’ve Been Playing The Helpful/Dutiful Boyfriend.

I’ve Been Playing For The Sake Of Playing.

I’ve Been Having FUN For A Freakin’ Change, And Trying To Enjoy Every Moment Of It.

😀       🙂       😉

Sadly, It Hasn’t All Been Fun And Games.

I’ve Had Multiple Family Members Die Over The Past Few Months.

:*(     :*(

I’ve Suffered Through A Couple Bouts Of Fairly Extreme Illness.

😦

Life Has Really Been Bringing The Heat, But Totally Keeping Me Honest With A Steady Supply Of Curve-Balls.

Sheesh, I Tell You.

Sheesh, Indeed.

I’m Writing This Today Because I’m Looking To Begin Again.

I Miss Working On This Blog A Bundle, Though I Admit I Could Have Come Back To Y’all A Lot Sooner.

But, I Chose To Continue Being A “Reblog-Whore” And Just Let Things Ride.

I Still Plan To Be A “Reblog-Whore”, But I’ll Be Injecting Myself Into Things Whenever I Can.

😉

TODAY…

…APRIL 10TH…

…Is My Birthday.

Everyone Always Asks The Same Question:

"DO YOU FEEL ANY OLDER?"

Honestly, My Peeps, Yes Yes YES I DO.

Period.

I Know I’m Not THAT Old, But I’m Old Enough.

Old Enough To Realize I Have To Continue Trying To Have A Life.

Old Enough To Understand How Important It Is To Continue Onward.

Old Enough To Feel Old Enough.

I’m Tired, My Peeps.

I’m So Very Tired.

But, There Are Still Duties To Perform…

…And Life Goes On.

I’m Going To Leave Y’all For Now.

But, I Do Promise To Be Back Again.

I’ve Been Writing A Lot.

Pen-To-Paper, Ya Know?

Perhaps I’ll Be Sharing More Of That With Y’all.

I Plan To.

So Let Us All See If I Actually Make That Happen.

I Really Do Plan To.

As I Exit (for now) I’m Going To Leave You With A Song.

A Song That Has Quickly Become A Personal Favorite.

DEPECHE MODE Has Just Released Their Latest Album, “DELTA MACHINE“, And I’m Totally In LOVE/LUST With It.

The Song For Today Is…

“SOOTHE MY SOUL“

…And It’s A Real Kicker!

I Sincerely Hope Y’all Enjoy It.

I Find It Simply Exceptional!!!

Please Take Care, My Peeps.

I’ll Write More When I’m Able.

Until Then…

…Take Care…

…Be Good…

…See Me Soon…

…And Talk To Me Sooner!!!

Much Love To Y’all, Fo SHO Fo SHO!!!

😀     😀     😀     😀     😀

😀     😀     😀

I’ve Been Putting Pen-To-Paper So Much…

…I’ve Nearly Lost Myself Here.

I Don’t Mean To Neglect Y’all, My Peeps, But I’ve Been Trying To Take Things In A Whole New Direction.

New For Me.

New For You.

New For Us.

My Fire…

…My Drive…

…My Want…

…My Need…

…My Desire…

…They’re All Returning.

Returning Harder And Faster Than I’d Honestly Known Was Even Possible.

I Was Burning-Out.

The Fire Had Seriously Dimmed.

It Felt Choked.

Smothered.

Almost Strangled Out Of Existence.

And Then It Happened.

The Spark Came Into My Life, And It’s Not Letting Me Go…

…I’m Not Letting It Go.

The Fire Is Burning Hotter And Brighter Than It Has In Forever.

Things Are Changing.

Inside And Out, They’re Are Changing.

And I’m Loving It.

I’m Loving Every Bit Of It.

Am I Setting Myself Up For Failure?

Maybe.

I Don’t Really Care.

No Risk, No Reward.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

Soon, You’re All Going To Start Noticing The Transitions I’m Working-Out.

You’re Going To Hear Me Talk A Lot About The “Clean Slate“ And How It Can Literally Mean Everything.

I Wanted Nothing More Than A “Clean Slate“…

…A “Fresh Start“…

…A “New Beginning“…

…However You Wanna Put It.

Now, I’m Getting That Chance.

I’m Making That Chance.

I’m Taking That Chance.

It’s Mine.

All I Have To Do Is Own It.

And, Own It, I Shall.

🙂       😉       😀

And Now, For Your Listening Pleasure, The Song That Totally Says Everything I Need It To Say Right This Moment…

“INSIGHT“

by DEPECHE MODE

…From Their 1997 Album “ULTRA” !!!

Enjoy It, My Peeps.

You Already Know I Do…

…I Am…

…I Will.

Always And Forever, I Will.

I’ve Given You An Insight Into MY Life…

…I Just Hope To Reward Your Loving Patience.

Later On, My Peeps.

We’ll Be Talking More VERY Soon!!!

I Know I’ve Been A Reblog Whore Of Late, But I DO Have My Reasons…

…Mainly, I‘ve Been Out Living My Life.

And, Honestly, It Has Been WILD.

Not WILD As In “Exotic“…

…More Like “Chaotic“…’ish.

My Emotional Roller–Coaster Continues.

But, Without Some Of Those Emotional Lows, Would I Really Appreciate All Those Emotional Highs So So SO Keenly???

Doubtful.

Doubtful, Indeed.

I‘m Taking The Good With The Bad, But I‘m Content With The Give And Take.

It Seems Only Fair.

My Head And My Heart Have BOTH Been Working Overtime.

Often, They‘ve Been Working Said Overtime In Opposing Manners.

And, While There Are A Few Moments I‘ve Disliked, I Remain Happy.

That‘s The Primary Goal, Right?!

The Happiness?!

The Joy?!

The Good Stuff?!

That‘s The Game I‘m Playing, Right Now.

I Don‘t Really Know If I’m Winning Or Losing…

…But I FEEL Like I‘m Winning.

Maybe That‘s The Whole Point?!

Maybe?!

I Can Handle A“Maybe?!” Alllll Niiiiiiiiight Loooooooong!!!

🙂       😉       😀

In Regard To Life, Love, Loss, Happiness, Sadness…

“Life‘s A Funny Creature, Sometimes. She Has A Very VERY Bad Habit Of Jerking The Proverbial Rug From Under Us At The Oddest Moments. Just When You‘re Feeling Comfortable. Feeling Secure. Feeling Happy. BAAM! She Strikes. And She Never Strikes Lightly. No No. She Jerks The Rug AND Gives You BOTH Barrels ALL AT ONCE. Such Is Life, Eh?! Yeah. Such Is Life.”

—BRADLEY ALAN

I’m Not Really Sure What To Think…

…I Just Know I’ve Maintained My Good Mood.

I’ve Been This Way Since Friday.

And, Honestly, I Like It.

😀

I’m Not Going To Discuss The Details, As Those Are Mine To Delight In.

I Just Ask That You Be Delighted With Me.

I’ve Been Taking Some Chances, And They’re Paying-Off.

No Risk, No Reward, Right???

RIGHT!!!

And Now…

…Now I’m In The Holding Pattern.

The Classic Game Of Hurry-Up And Wait.

The Thing Is, This Time, I’m Not Sure If I Mind It One Bit.

It’s A Jumble Of Odd Feelings.

I’m Anxious.

I’m Nervous.

I’m Buzzing-About.

It Just Feels Odd.

Not Bad, My Peeps, But Odd.

And, Right Now, Odd Feels Pretty Damned Wonderful.

I’ve Had Good Moments In Life.

I’ve Had Bad Moments In Life.

But, I’m Relishing In These Odd Moments.

Am I Being Foolish???

Honestly, I Don’t Think So.

I Feel Confident.

I’m Not Sure Of What’s Going To Happen…

…But I’m Still Confident.

I’m Confident SOMETHING Is Going To Happen.

That’s The Only Answer I Can Give Where I’m Assured 100% Victory.

I Know, I Know…

…No Risk, No Reward.

Well, In This Instance, I’m Betting On The House.

The House Always Wins, Right???

No, Really, Is That Right???

I’m Generally Not A Gambling Man.

Only When I Want Something Bad Enough, Ya Know?!?

Well, Right Now, I Want Something So Bad I Can Taste It.

I Can Taste It, And It’s Sweet.

It’s So Very VERY Sweet.

But, I’m Going To Have To Work For It.

I’m Going To Have To Work Very VERY Hard.

But, To Me, It’s Worth It.

😉

I’ve Been Listening To A Lot Of Music This Past Day/Night.

“YOU‘RE ONLY HUMAN (SECOND WIND)“

by BILLY JOEL

…Is The Song I’ve Listened To The Most.

It’s Very Fitting, Right Now.

Give It A Listen.

I’m Sure You’ve All Been In A Similar Situation As The Person In The Song.

I’ve Blogged About The Song Before…

http://youjivinmeturkey.com/2012/11/02/of-all-the-songs-to-get-stuck-in-my-head-youre-only-human-second-wind-1985-by-billy-joel/

…But It’s Very VERY Relevant For Me At This Particular Time.

Like The Man Says…

“…You‘ve Been Keeping To Yourself These Days…

…’Cause You‘re Thinking Everything‘s Gone Wrong…

…Sometimes  You Just Wanna Lay Down And Die…

…That Emotion Can Be So Strong…

…But, Hold On…

…’Til That Ole Second Wind Comes Along. …”

He’s Got It Exactly Right, My Peeps.

Spot On, BILLY JOEL, Spot On.

Well Played, Sir, Well Played.

😀       😉

I Do Promise, My Peeps, That I’ll Keep Y’all Posted As Best As I Can.

For Now…

…For Right Now…

…Just Know I Am Happy.

Whether That Feeling Lasts, Or Not, Remains To Be Seen.

But, For Now, I’m Rollin’ With It.

Sometimes, That’s Good Enough.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

😀       😀       😀

When Remembering Turns To Dwelling Turns To Suffering…

…You Know You‘re Fu*ked.

—At This Moment, I‘m Writing Just To Watch Myself Write.

I‘ve Slept Less Than 35–Hours In The Past 10–Nights COMBINED.

I‘m Irritable.

I‘m Sullen And Moody.

I‘ve Lost 15–LBS In That 10–Day Span.

I Don‘t Understand Why I Let Myself Get This Depressed.

I Know I Do It To Myself.

It‘s My Own Fault.

But, I‘M Not My Own Fault.

I Know That.

I Never Have Been.

I Was Created And Shaped By Events In My Life That Have Seriously Fu*ked-Me–Up.

Why Can‘t I Shake This?

Why Does The Past Still Cling To Me Like The Stench Of Death?

It Haunts My Day–To–Day Existence.

I Know Why.

BECAUSE I LET IT.

Period.

MY BAD.

It‘s These Memories.

I Can‘t Handle Them As Well As I‘d Like To.

As Well As I SHOULD.

It‘s Honestly Maddening.

It‘s Hard.

It‘s So Very VERY Hard.

I Go From Day To Day Seeing No Benefit From It All.

I‘ve…

…Sheesh…

…I‘ve Become My Own Worst Enemy.

Just As I Was Always TOLD I Would Be.

Just As I Always KNEW I Would Be.

It Happens To Us All At Some Point, Sure.

It’s Life.

It‘s LIVING Life.

My Moments Of Weakness And Horror Come To Me Like Flashes.

As Images.

Images A Person Should Never See.

No One.

The Thoughts Linger.

The Ill–Feelings They Cause Linger Longer.

Am I Having An Identity Crisis?

Whatever It Is, It‘s Hanging On Way Way WAY Tooo Long.

Talking To People Is Becoming More And MORE Difficult.

There Are A Couple Key People I‘d Love To Talk To.

They Just Don‘t Want To Talk To Me.

Sometimes, I Break Down And Simply MUST Talk To Someone.

Those Are The Moments When I‘m Feeling My Worst.

When I Know Something‘s Wrong Inside, And I Need To Make An Outside Connection Before I Snap.

I Feel The Worst, Though, When I Do Have To Ask For Help.

But, At The Point I Start Talking, I‘m Already Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel For The Oxygen I Need To Survive.

I Am.

It Gets Hard To Breathe.

I Start Feeling Sorry For Myself.

I Lose Personal Control.

I Become Someone Else.

Someone I Truly Am NOT.

A Whining…

…Crying…

…Sniveling…

…Used–To–Be.

I Know I’m Only 30‘ish‘ish.

Some Attempt To Push Upon Me That I‘m Still Far Too Young To Deal With Shit As I Do.

But, Everyone‘s Different…

…Correct???

Everyone‘s Got Their Own Stopping And Starting Point.

Their Own Breaking Point.

I Guess Mine Was Just A Bit Earlier In Life Than Some Others.

I Know I Don‘t Have It That Bad.

It‘s Not Like Someone Close To Me Has Died, Or Is Dying.

It‘s Simply The Past.

A Past I‘ve Yet To Beat.

A Past I‘ve Yet To Escape From.

A Past I‘ve Yet To Come To Terms With.

A Past I‘ve Yet To Let Go Of And Move On From.

And It‘s Destroying My Present.

I Guess Some Of This Is Normal, Right?

Thinking Of It All Has Just Brought Me Down So Much.

I Just Feel Very Alone, At Times.

But, I Do Understand That Life Could Be Much Worse.

Sadly…

…My Once Remarked–Upon Eyes Are Heavy, Dark, And Tired.

My Hopeful Outlook Has Turned Bleak.

Yet, Despite It All, I Survive.

MAYBE It All Has Made Me Stronger In Some Ways?

But, At What Personal Cost?

With Age And Experience Has Also Come Fear…

…Hate…

…Despair.

Where I Once Felt Love, I Now Feel Bitterness.

Where I Once Felt Alive, I Now Feel Drained.

Where I Once Cared About Life, I Now Resent It.

So Sad, Yet, So True.

It Just Pisses Me Off To No Extent.

When Wonderful Memories Become Jaded With Time.

I Swear, It Literally Makes Me Sick.

What I Wouldn‘t Give For A Moment‘s Peace.

A Clear Mind.

A Quiet Mind.

I Know I Have Some Amazing Moments Stored In My Brain–Case.

I‘ve Just Become To Bitter To See Them.

*** ***

PLEASE, My Peeps…

…Don‘t Be Alarmed By Anything I‘ve Said.

It‘s Just A Downer Moment For Me, And I‘m Allowing You To Experience It With Me.

I Guess I Just Wanted To Vent A Bit, As I Often Do When I Get Like This.

As I‘ve Said To Y‘all Before…

…Sometimes, It‘s Not Just The BEST Therapy…

…It‘s The ONLY Therapy.

Right???

RIGHT!!!—

The Song Stuck In My Head??? “I Should Have Learned This Lesson Long Ago… …That Friends And Lovers Always Come And Go…” –QUARTERFLASH’s “FIND ANOTHER FOOL” (1981)

“FIND ANOTHER FOOL” Is A Hot HOT Jam From QUARTERFLASH‘s Self-Titled 1981 Debut Album !!!

*

***

///\\\

“…Now You Claim…

…That Everything‘s Okay…

…Well, I‘ve Got Just One Thing To Say…

…Why Don‘t You…

…Find Another…

((Find Another!))

…FIND ANOTHER FOOL To Love You…

…Find Another…

((Find Another!))

…FIND ANOTHER FOOL To Love You…

…Find Another…

…Find Another…

…FIND ANOTHER FOOL To Love You…

…Too Love You…

…Find Another. …”

\\\///

***

*

Alright, My Peeps…

…Let Me Quickly Say, I Don’t Just Listen To This Song…

“FIND ANOTHER FOOL“

by QUARTERFLASH

…When Someone Has Treated Me Foolishly And I Wanna Vent.

No.

I Also Listen To This Song When I’m Dwelling Upon MY Foolishness.

We’ve All Been Foolish In Matters Of Love At One Point Or Another.

Most Especially In Matters Of Love, Honestly.

In Fact…

…It’s In Matters Of Love Where I’ve Suffered Through Many MANY Bad Experiences In My 30’ish’ish Years.

And, I’ve Done So ((ALMOST)) Totally Because Of MY Personal Foolishness.

Then Again, Isn’t That Generally How It Goes?

Is That How It Always Goes For You?

How About You??

And You, There, In The Back???

Yes, And YOU, Also?!?!?

Yeah.

That’s Kinda What I’d Figured.

Our Favorite Game As Human-Being’s Is LOVE.

Always Has Been.

Some Will Quip, “It‘s Not A Game!”

To Those People, I Say “Good On Ya.”

I Also Say, “If You Don‘t Think It’s A Game, Then You‘ve Likely Been Hurt, Or Have Hurt Someone Else, While Playing And You Are/Were Pissed About It.”

To Be Honest, My Peeps, I Don’t Know What Else To Call LOVE.

It’s Always Felt Like A Game.

It Has Losers.

It Has Winners.

It Has First Time Players.

It Has Umpteenth Time Players.

It Has Unskilled Players.

It Has Highly Skilled Players.

It Has The Sheer Bliss Of A Solid Victory.

It Has The Horrid Dejection Of A Terrible Loss.

In Short…

…If It Ain’t A Game…

…What Is It?!?

That’s A Question I Sincerely Struggle With.

Honestly, As I Said, I Don’t Know What Else To Call It.

I Was Hoping To Get A Hand From Y’all, In That Regard.

That’s What We’re Here For, Correct?!

A Learning Experience.

I Know That’s A Big Reason I’m Here.

It’s Not The Only Reason, But It’s An Important One.

Fo Sho???

FO SHO!!!

😉          😀

LOVE, Whether A Thought OR A Feeling, Perpetuates Foolishness.

We Do So Many Foolish Things Whilst Playing Along.

We Do Things.

Things We Either WANT Or DON’T WANT To Do, All Because Of What We Feel, Or Think We Feel, For Someone, Or Something, Else.

Y’all Know I’m Not Slippin’ You Any Jive.

I’m Callin’ It Like It Is.

The Problem With This Wondrous, Beautiful, Vile, Evil, Amazing Thing We Call Love Is This:

“How Do We Know When We‘re Playing, And How Do We Know When We‘re Being Played???”

Yeah.

Exactly My Point, My Peeps.

Honestly, You Don’t Know.

You Don’t Know Until Something Eventful Happens.

“He Said YES!” 😀

“He Said NO!” 😦

“He Said MAYBE SO!” 😐

Any Way It Goes, You Never Know Until Something Happens.

You Never Know Until The Proof Is There.

You Never Know Until It’s Tangible.

And, Even Then, Do You Really Know?

You Think You Do.

Is That Enough?

Sometimes, That Has To Be Enough.

Sometimes, That’s All We Really Have.

Right???

RIGHT!!!

My Advice?

You Kids Just Be Good.

Play Nice.

Try Not To Hurt Anyone, Especially Yourself.

Try Not To Do Anything Toooooooooo Foolish, Ya Hear Me?!?

Now, Go Get ‘Em, Tiger!!!

Good Game… …Good Game.

The Song Stuck In My Head??? “I Need To Be Cleansed… It’s Time To Make Amends… For All Of The Fun… The Damage Is Done…” –DEPECHE MODE’s “TO HAVE And TO HOLD” (1987)

“…I Feel Diseased…

…I’m Down On My Knees…

…I Need Forgiveness…

…Someone To Bear Witness…

…To The Goodness Within…

…Beneath The Sin…

…Although I May Flirt…

…With All Kinds Of Dirt…

…To The Point Of Disease…

…I Want Release…

…All This Decay…

…Take It Away…

…And Somewhere…

…There’s Someone Who Cares…

…With A Heart Of Gold…

…TO HAVE And TO HOLD.”

“TO HAVE And TO HOLD” Is Off DEPECHE MODE‘s 1987 Album “MUSIC For The MASSES” !!!

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

*** ***

I Have Mentioned This Song…

“TO HAVE And TO HOLD“

by DEPECHE MODE

…Before, But I Honestly Didn’t Tell You WHY It’s Important To Me.

It’s Pretty Easy To See Why This Song Is Stuck In My Head.

Right???

Yes, It’s A Personal Favorite.

Yes, It’s (admittedly) NOT Everyone’s Cup’O’Tea.

It’s Slow.

It’s Quirky.

It’s Dark.

BUT…

…It’s Also Amazingly Beautiful…

…And Brilliant…

…And Simple…

…And Profound.

It’s A Song That Has Stayed Close To My Heart Seemingly Forever.

Since I Was A Teenager, Anyway.

I Know All The Words By Heart AND By Head.

During My Roughest Patches, This Song Was A Savior.

It ALWAYS Said What I Couldn’t.

I Listened To It Over AND Over.

I Did.

Hell, I Did Right Before I Decided To Write About It.

Yeah, I Can Be A “Moody Bitch”…

…And This Song Helps Carry Me Through All Of It.

It’s One Of Those Songs That Brings A Mental AND Emotional Change.

It Does.

It Carries Me, At Times.

And, I Always Come Out On The Other Side.

Usually Damaged.

But, Always Still Alive.

I’d Say That’s Good Enough.

This Song…

“TO HAVE And TO HOLD“

by DEPECHE MODE

…Has, At Times, Kept Me Alive.

It Expresses Itself Sooo Much.

So Much So, In Fact, It Takes Care Of A LOT Of MY Expressing.

It’s So Much Easier To Calm Down When You Have A Song That Feels So Deeply.

You Become Helpless In Its Grasp.

You Get Lost For A Moment.

Just Long Enough To Calm Your Ass Down, Ya Know?!

It Rarely Fails.

Don’t Worry, My Peeps, It’s VERY Safe To ENJOY The Song.

Just Be Careful Where You Sing It Out-Loud.

Other People Will Always Give You That Look As If You’ve Got Some Serious Problems.

Pfft.

What Do They Know, Anyway?!

😉       😀       😉

“NO MAN Was EVER So Much Deceived By Another…”

“…As By HIMSELF.”

—CHARLES GREVILLE

-<>(1794–1865)<>-

/\

//\\

\\//

\/

Have Truer Words Ever Been Uttered?

One Would Be Hard Pressed To Find Any, That‘s Fo SHO.

With How I‘ve Been Feeling Of Late, These Words Are Burning A Hole Right Through Me.

Such Is Life???

Holy Hell, I Hope Not!!!

But…

…It Feels Like A Fool‘s Hope.

Just Sayin‘.