Tag Archives: Fail

So, I’ve Had A String Of Overtly Off Moments, Lately…

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on

…And Tonight It Has Really Snowballed Into A Very Deep Depression.

I Know Most Say You Shouldn’t Write For Publication At Times Like These, But, In This Case, It Can’t Be Helped.

It’s Not Your Usual Depression About Your Usual Mundane Bullshit.

Not This Time, Anyway.

For Those Of You Whom Have Read Me For The Past (almost) Two Years, You Know That, While I Do Acquaint Myself With Other People On Occasion, I Generally Spend Most Of My Time Alone.

I Live In My Head, And Am Generally Not The Best Of Company.

I Tend To Be Really Quiet,,, ,,,Except When I Laugh.

I Get My Money’s Worth When I Do Bellow Out A Jolly One.

Aside From My Eyes, My Best Feature May Actually Be That Laugh.

I Even Snort… …On Occasion.

That Generally Means I’ve Laughed Too Hard.

Sadly, Aside From The Time I Spend With Someone Very Special To Me, I Tend To Not Laugh At All.

I Giggle A Bit… …But It’s Internal.

Outwardly, I’m A Tad Cold.

The Problem Is…

...As It Always Is In My World...

…Knowing Some Of Those I Love Most, Are Those Whom Don’t Really Share The Feeling.

I Constantly Get The Feeling Other People Lie And Say They Enjoy My Company, But It’s Only Because They Truly (deep down) Feel Sorry For Me.

Seeing Me Makes Them Realize How Grand Their Life Has The Potential To Be, And Might Already Be.

I’ve Failed At Every Venture I’ve Ever Undertaken.

Every. Single. One.

Alright…

…I Did Win A “First Place Superior” In The 6th Grade Science Fair.

But, They Gave Out Like 10 Of Those.

So, Honestly, It Never Felt Like A True Victory.

Anyway, Sorry, I’m Drifting.

The Point Is…

…I’ve Been The Saddest Boy In The World For The Past 48-Hours, And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.

My Thoughts And Feelings Have Been Running Rampant, And They’re Literally Driving Me (even more-so) Crazy!

Can I Pinpoint The Biggest Issue?

Yes.

Can I Do Anything Whatsoever To Correct Said Biggest Issue?

Not. At. All.

I Know They Say You Shouldn’t Worry About What You Can’t Control, But Piss On Them.

They Just Don’t Get It, Or Are Lying To You AND Themselves.

I Can’t Control How I Feel…

…Yet It Constantly Worries The Everlasting Shit Out Of Me.

You Want A Little Detail?

Fine.

I Have TWO (2) Best Friends…

…One Straight, One Gay.

The Straight One I’ve Known Since The Age Of 2yo, And We’ve Been Best Friends Since The Age Of 10yo.

The Gay One I’ve Known For Three Years…

…And I’ve Been In Love With Him For The Past Two.

That’s What Has Me So Depressed, Kiddies.

The Fact That I Can’t Get Myself Over Those Extra Feelings.

Loving Someone Is Important, Especially Someone You Call Your BFF.

But, Being IN-LOVE With Said BFF???

O M F G

I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin On How That Feels.

For The Most Part, It’s A Mix Of Extreme Joy AND Extreme Pain.

I’ve Loved Before, Sure.

I’ve Loved Many People In My 30+Years On Earth.

But, Never Like This.

Never This Strongly.

And, Yes, I Already Know It Has Very Little Chance To Become More Than What It Already Is…

…More Than What We Already Are.

Yet, I Don‘t Waiver.

I Don‘t Stop Feeling As I Do.

I Don‘t Stop Wanting As I Do.

Needing As I Do.

It‘s Insane.

It‘s Killing Me.

It‘s Crushing What Spirit I May Have.

Yet, I Don‘t Waiver.

SOOOOO…

…You Tell Me, My Peeps…

…Am I A Fool, Or Just Being Foolish?

There IS A Difference, You Know… …Riiiiiiiiigh???

RIGHT!!!

My Curiosity Abounds, Kiddies.

Honestly And Truly It Does!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

“…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.” –BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (from his “Brilliant Disguise” (1987))

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on
"BRILLIANT DISGUISE" (1987) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

“BRILLIANT DISGUISE” (1987) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

/\

//\\

///\\\

Well, My Peeps…

…Bradley Was Taken-To-Task, Tonight.

He Was Coldly (yet thoughtfully) Reminded He’s Not Making The Progress He Should Be On His “Non-Blog” Creative-Writing Endeavors.

And Ya Know Something, Kiddies, He’s Very VERY Correct.

I’m Not Making The Progress I Should Be.

I’ve Let My Emotions Overload My Better Judgment…

…Again.

I’ve Spent Most Of My Time So Worried And Focused On Other Things I’ve Not Really Spent The Time I Should Be Spending On My More Pressing Projects.

In Short…

…I’ve Been SLACKING.

That’s The Only Way To Explain It.

I’ve. Been. SLACKING.

Period.

No One Will Ever Take Me Seriously Until I Have Something To Show For My Efforts.

Will They?

No.

Probably Not.

Until It’s A Reality, It’s Just A Dream.

Correct?

Correct.

So I’m Throwing Myself Into My Work, Again.

It Really Would Make Me Feel Like A Fraud If I Never Completed One Of These Stories.

I’ve Worked So Long, And So Hard On Them.

I Can’t Just Give-‘Em-Up.

I Can’t Just Walk-Away.

I Can’t Just Quit.

I’ve Done That With Nearly Everything I’ve Ever Set-Out-To-Do In My Whole Life.

Talk About A Tough Pill To Swallow.

Ignoring It Has Been Easy.

Realizing It?

Facing It?

Those Have Both Just Sucked Some Major Asshole.

Dealing With It?

I Am.

I So Am.

I Feel Like I’ve Been Wearing Different Masks For A Long Time.

Different Disguises.

I Know That’s Why This Song…

“BRILLIANT DISGUISE“

by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

…Resonated With Me So Much, Tonight.

I’ve Been Hiding Because I Doubt Myself.

I Doubt Every Move I Make.

I Doubt Every Move I Don’t Make.

I Doubt Every Thought…

…Every Memory…

…Every Known-Fact…

…Every Unknown-Fact.

Doubt…Doubt…Doubt.

For A Man With A Memory As Acute As Mine…

…That’s A Helluva Lot Of Doubts.

I Used To Be So Sure.

Sure Of Every Action.

Sure Of Every Inaction.

Sure That What I Was Doing Was How I Should Be Doing It.

Sure Of This.

Sure Of That.

Sure…Sure…Sure.

I’m Not Sure When The Doubts Set In.

I Am Sure There Has To Have Been An Event.

There Has To Be A Trigger.

Like Anything Else…

…There Is Cause And Effect.

“A” Happens, And Thus “B” Happens.

That Might Be Oversimplifying It, But It Works.

It Does What I Need It To Do.

I Was A Man Who Was Sure Of Everything.

And Became A Man Who Is Sure Of Nothing.

Something Happened Along The Way.

Some Moment.

Some Event.

Some Trigger.

Am I Right About This?

I Am…Right???

This Final Line Of The Song Is What Really Got Me:

-“…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.“-

I May Not Be A Man Of Faith, But I Can Totally Identify With What’s Being Said.

I Was Sure Of What I Wanted.

I Was Sure Of How To Get It.

I Was Sure Of How It Was Going To Go Down.

I Was Sure Of Myself.

Then, I Stumbled.

Somewhere Along The Way, I Stumbled.

Time To Pull-Up The Ole Bootstraps And Carry-On, Eh?!

Eh, Indeed!!

I Know How To Write.

I Know I Know How To Write.

So Why The Hell Haven’t I Been Writing?

Like My Friend Told Me…

…My Blog IS A HOBBY.

It IS NOT A PROFESSION.

Somewhere Along The Way I Forgot That Little Fact, Also.

I Love My Blog.

I Have Fun With My Blog.

It Brings Me Joy.

But, In The End, It Really Is Just A Hobby…

…Isn’t It?

Accordingly, I Must Treat It As Such.

Something To Tinker With When The Real Work Has Ceased For The Day.

Right?!

RIGHT!!

Midnight Is Drawing Near.

I Suppose I’ve Said What Needed To Be Said.

I’m Grateful To My Friend For Having The Balls To Just Break-It-Down For Me Like That.

The Best Way To Thank Him, However, Would Be To Excel.

I’m NOT SURE I Can.

I AM SURE I Can Try Try TRY.

Rest Easy, My Peeps.

Friday Is Here.

\\\///

\\//

\/

😀       😀       😀

“Only Aim To Do Your Duty…”

Posted by youjivinmeturkey on

“…And Mankind Will Give You Credit Where You Fail.“

—THOMAS JEFFERSON

(1743–1826)

–A FOUNDING FATHER–

–Our 1ST SECRETARY Of STATE–

–Our 2ND VICE-PRESIDENT–

…And…

–Our 3RD PRESIDENT Of The UNITED STATES Of AMERICA–