Tag Archives: Doubts

Doubt: How Would SHAKESPEARE Have Put It?!?

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“Our Doubts Are Traitors, And Make Us Lose The Good We Oft Might Win By Fearing To Attempt.“

—WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

shakespeare-4 (via bookhaven.stanford.edu)

((1564–1616))

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Yep.

That’s How.

And, He’s Exceptionally Correct.

As Humans, It’s A Given That Doubts Will Exist In The Minds AND Hearts Of Us All At Some Point.

I Feel I’ve Missed Out On A Lot In My Life Because Of My Personal Doubts.

At Times, Yes, They’ve Been An Asset.

I Can’t Deny That, And I Won’t Even Begin Trying To Do So.

BUT…

…Most Of The Time, They’ve Been The Furthest Thing From An Asset.

Potential Jobs…

…Potential Money…

…Potential Friends…

…Potential Lovers…

…Potential Sexual-Encounters…

…Etc Etc Etc…

…All Washed Away Because Of Untimely Doubts.

It’s Happened So Often, In Fact, I Often Feel As If My Doubts In Life Have RULED Said Life.

I’m Not Saying Having Doubts Are A Bad Thing.

I’m Just Saying I’ve Had More Than My Fair Share.

Sadly, FAIR And LIFE Hardly EVER Jive TOGETHER.

I’m Not Me Being A “Negative Nancy” Or Anything Of The Sort.

It’s Simply A Life-Fact.

PERIOD.

It’s At Times Like These That I Sincerely Wish I Had Faith To Fall-Back-On.

I Know People Of Faith Have Doubts, They’re Simply Of A Different Type.

Those Folks Feel Their Faith Is Something Like A Shield.

They Live, As I Believe, In A World Of Ignorant Bliss.

Regardless Of What Happens In Their Collective Worlds…

…They Always Have Their Imagined Fall-Back-Position.

“The Lord Shall Provide.”

Nonsense Like That.

I Simply Can’t Do It.

Someone Mentions Faith To Me, And I Either Want To Laugh At Them…

…Or Punch Them In Their “Lordly Provided” Jaw.

I’m Not A Violent Man.

At Lest…

…Not Outwardly.

On The Inside?

Well…

…I’m Not Going To Get Into What Sort Of Man I Am On The Inside.

I Don’t Need To Say It.

You Don’t Need To Hear It.

If You’ve Read Me Long Enough, You Already Know.

If You’ve NOT Read Me For Very Long…

…Well…

…I’ll Just Use The Term “Overly Aggressive” And Leave It Lie There.

My Point, Is That I Am Both Repulsed By Them…

…Just As I Am Envious Of Them.

But, I’d Rather Be Wracked With Doubt Than To Be A Devout Follower Of An Unprovable (by any stretch of it) “Truth”.

My Life Has Had Its Ups AND Downs.

Just Like The Rest Of You.

Except, At The End Of The Day, I Don’t Feel The Lifting Of The Doubts I’ve Suffered.

Quite The Contrary.

I’m Riddled With Doubts.

My Mind Is A Torrent.

My Heart Is Heavy.

My Life Is A Shambles.

My World Doesn’t Appreciate Me.

I Simply Am.

I Am Me.

I’m Still Here Because My Life Has Had Brief Intermissions.

Red Flags.

Moments That Tell Me…

“Dude, This Isn’t A Good Idea.”

“Dude, Your Thinking Is Muddled.”

“Dude, Do You Really Want To Eat That Microwave Burrito?”

“Dude, How Can You Ever Have Faith In Something You’ve Never Believed To Begin With??”

“Dude, Did You Just Grab My Ass???”

They’re All The Same.

Ideas…

…Thinking…

…Burritos…

…Faith…

…Ass-Grabbing…

…They’re ALL The Same.

At Least, I Think Of Them In The Same Breath.

The Worst Doubt Of All, However, Is The Doubt Of Oneself.

Of That, I Am Most Assuredly Guilty.

Sadly…

…I Don’t See That Changing Anytime Soon.

Actually, I Don’t See That EVER Changing.

Once The Doubts Enter The Mind…

…Once The Doubts Make A Happy (or unhappy) Home For Themselves…

…Honestly…

…You’re Fu*ked.

One Doubt Begets Another, Begets Another, Begets Another.

It Becomes A Viscous Cycle.

It’s An Endless Circle.

It Hits Once…

…And Then Shortly Thereafter It Hits Again.

You Begin To Question AND Doubt EVERYTHING.

Who Are Really Your Friends?

Who Are Those That Truly Love You?

Who Are Those You Can Honestly, Truly Trust?

Who The Hell Are YOU?

Who The Hell Am I?

Sadly (yet again)…

…One Never Truly Knows.

One Can’t Truly Know.

One Has No F-in’ Clue What Truly Is In The Heart, Or Mind, Of Another.

We See What They Present To Us.

We See What We THINK We See.

But, Is Any Of It Truly, Truly Honest AND Correct AND Sincere?

I Don’t Know.

I Just Know I’m Doubtful.

Extremely Doubtful.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

“…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.” –BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (from his “Brilliant Disguise” (1987))

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"BRILLIANT DISGUISE" (1987) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

“BRILLIANT DISGUISE” (1987) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

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Well, My Peeps…

…Bradley Was Taken-To-Task, Tonight.

He Was Coldly (yet thoughtfully) Reminded He’s Not Making The Progress He Should Be On His “Non-Blog” Creative-Writing Endeavors.

And Ya Know Something, Kiddies, He’s Very VERY Correct.

I’m Not Making The Progress I Should Be.

I’ve Let My Emotions Overload My Better Judgment…

…Again.

I’ve Spent Most Of My Time So Worried And Focused On Other Things I’ve Not Really Spent The Time I Should Be Spending On My More Pressing Projects.

In Short…

…I’ve Been SLACKING.

That’s The Only Way To Explain It.

I’ve. Been. SLACKING.

Period.

No One Will Ever Take Me Seriously Until I Have Something To Show For My Efforts.

Will They?

No.

Probably Not.

Until It’s A Reality, It’s Just A Dream.

Correct?

Correct.

So I’m Throwing Myself Into My Work, Again.

It Really Would Make Me Feel Like A Fraud If I Never Completed One Of These Stories.

I’ve Worked So Long, And So Hard On Them.

I Can’t Just Give-‘Em-Up.

I Can’t Just Walk-Away.

I Can’t Just Quit.

I’ve Done That With Nearly Everything I’ve Ever Set-Out-To-Do In My Whole Life.

Talk About A Tough Pill To Swallow.

Ignoring It Has Been Easy.

Realizing It?

Facing It?

Those Have Both Just Sucked Some Major Asshole.

Dealing With It?

I Am.

I So Am.

I Feel Like I’ve Been Wearing Different Masks For A Long Time.

Different Disguises.

I Know That’s Why This Song…

“BRILLIANT DISGUISE“

by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

…Resonated With Me So Much, Tonight.

I’ve Been Hiding Because I Doubt Myself.

I Doubt Every Move I Make.

I Doubt Every Move I Don’t Make.

I Doubt Every Thought…

…Every Memory…

…Every Known-Fact…

…Every Unknown-Fact.

Doubt…Doubt…Doubt.

For A Man With A Memory As Acute As Mine…

…That’s A Helluva Lot Of Doubts.

I Used To Be So Sure.

Sure Of Every Action.

Sure Of Every Inaction.

Sure That What I Was Doing Was How I Should Be Doing It.

Sure Of This.

Sure Of That.

Sure…Sure…Sure.

I’m Not Sure When The Doubts Set In.

I Am Sure There Has To Have Been An Event.

There Has To Be A Trigger.

Like Anything Else…

…There Is Cause And Effect.

“A” Happens, And Thus “B” Happens.

That Might Be Oversimplifying It, But It Works.

It Does What I Need It To Do.

I Was A Man Who Was Sure Of Everything.

And Became A Man Who Is Sure Of Nothing.

Something Happened Along The Way.

Some Moment.

Some Event.

Some Trigger.

Am I Right About This?

I Am…Right???

This Final Line Of The Song Is What Really Got Me:

-“…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.“-

I May Not Be A Man Of Faith, But I Can Totally Identify With What’s Being Said.

I Was Sure Of What I Wanted.

I Was Sure Of How To Get It.

I Was Sure Of How It Was Going To Go Down.

I Was Sure Of Myself.

Then, I Stumbled.

Somewhere Along The Way, I Stumbled.

Time To Pull-Up The Ole Bootstraps And Carry-On, Eh?!

Eh, Indeed!!

I Know How To Write.

I Know I Know How To Write.

So Why The Hell Haven’t I Been Writing?

Like My Friend Told Me…

…My Blog IS A HOBBY.

It IS NOT A PROFESSION.

Somewhere Along The Way I Forgot That Little Fact, Also.

I Love My Blog.

I Have Fun With My Blog.

It Brings Me Joy.

But, In The End, It Really Is Just A Hobby…

…Isn’t It?

Accordingly, I Must Treat It As Such.

Something To Tinker With When The Real Work Has Ceased For The Day.

Right?!

RIGHT!!

Midnight Is Drawing Near.

I Suppose I’ve Said What Needed To Be Said.

I’m Grateful To My Friend For Having The Balls To Just Break-It-Down For Me Like That.

The Best Way To Thank Him, However, Would Be To Excel.

I’m NOT SURE I Can.

I AM SURE I Can Try Try TRY.

Rest Easy, My Peeps.

Friday Is Here.

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