So, I’ve Had A String Of Overtly Off Moments, Lately…

…And Tonight It Has Really Snowballed Into A Very Deep Depression.

I Know Most Say You Shouldn’t Write For Publication At Times Like These, But, In This Case, It Can’t Be Helped.

It’s Not Your Usual Depression About Your Usual Mundane Bullshit.

Not This Time, Anyway.

For Those Of You Whom Have Read Me For The Past (almost) Two Years, You Know That, While I Do Acquaint Myself With Other People On Occasion, I Generally Spend Most Of My Time Alone.

I Live In My Head, And Am Generally Not The Best Of Company.

I Tend To Be Really Quiet,,, ,,,Except When I Laugh.

I Get My Money’s Worth When I Do Bellow Out A Jolly One.

Aside From My Eyes, My Best Feature May Actually Be That Laugh.

I Even Snort… …On Occasion.

That Generally Means I’ve Laughed Too Hard.

Sadly, Aside From The Time I Spend With Someone Very Special To Me, I Tend To Not Laugh At All.

I Giggle A Bit… …But It’s Internal.

Outwardly, I’m A Tad Cold.

The Problem Is…

...As It Always Is In My World...

…Knowing Some Of Those I Love Most, Are Those Whom Don’t Really Share The Feeling.

I Constantly Get The Feeling Other People Lie And Say They Enjoy My Company, But It’s Only Because They Truly (deep down) Feel Sorry For Me.

Seeing Me Makes Them Realize How Grand Their Life Has The Potential To Be, And Might Already Be.

I’ve Failed At Every Venture I’ve Ever Undertaken.

Every. Single. One.

Alright…

…I Did Win A “First Place Superior” In The 6th Grade Science Fair.

But, They Gave Out Like 10 Of Those.

So, Honestly, It Never Felt Like A True Victory.

Anyway, Sorry, I’m Drifting.

The Point Is…

…I’ve Been The Saddest Boy In The World For The Past 48-Hours, And It’s Literally Driving Me Crazy.

My Thoughts And Feelings Have Been Running Rampant, And They’re Literally Driving Me (even more-so) Crazy!

Can I Pinpoint The Biggest Issue?

Yes.

Can I Do Anything Whatsoever To Correct Said Biggest Issue?

Not. At. All.

I Know They Say You Shouldn’t Worry About What You Can’t Control, But Piss On Them.

They Just Don’t Get It, Or Are Lying To You AND Themselves.

I Can’t Control How I Feel…

…Yet It Constantly Worries The Everlasting Shit Out Of Me.

You Want A Little Detail?

Fine.

I Have TWO (2) Best Friends…

…One Straight, One Gay.

The Straight One I’ve Known Since The Age Of 2yo, And We’ve Been Best Friends Since The Age Of 10yo.

The Gay One I’ve Known For Three Years…

…And I’ve Been In Love With Him For The Past Two.

That’s What Has Me So Depressed, Kiddies.

The Fact That I Can’t Get Myself Over Those Extra Feelings.

Loving Someone Is Important, Especially Someone You Call Your BFF.

But, Being IN-LOVE With Said BFF???

O M F G

I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin On How That Feels.

For The Most Part, It’s A Mix Of Extreme Joy AND Extreme Pain.

I’ve Loved Before, Sure.

I’ve Loved Many People In My 30+Years On Earth.

But, Never Like This.

Never This Strongly.

And, Yes, I Already Know It Has Very Little Chance To Become More Than What It Already Is…

…More Than What We Already Are.

Yet, I Don‘t Waiver.

I Don‘t Stop Feeling As I Do.

I Don‘t Stop Wanting As I Do.

Needing As I Do.

It‘s Insane.

It‘s Killing Me.

It‘s Crushing What Spirit I May Have.

Yet, I Don‘t Waiver.

SOOOOO…

…You Tell Me, My Peeps…

…Am I A Fool, Or Just Being Foolish?

There IS A Difference, You Know… …Riiiiiiiiigh???

RIGHT!!!

My Curiosity Abounds, Kiddies.

Honestly And Truly It Does!

“A Great Secret Of Success…”

“…Is To Go Through Life As A Man Who NEVER Gets USED-UP.”

—ALBERT SCHWEITZER

*((1875–1965))*

*[PHYSICIAN]*

*[THEOLOGIAN]*

*[MEDICAL MISSIONARY]*

*[PHILOSOPHER]*

*[NOBEL PRIZE WINNER]*

*** ***

**

*

This Quotation Is Dedicated To My BFF, Mr. Kojsmak, The Hardest Working Human–Being I‘ve Ever Known.

That‘s Honestly Saying A Whole Hell Of A Lot.

My Father AND My Grandfather Worked Amazingly Hard ALL THE TIME…

…Yet Mr. Kojcrak Has Them, And Everyone Else I Know,  Beat Beat BEAT.

Period.

Get Some Rest For Pete‘s Sake!!!

You‘ve Earned The Downtime, I‘m Very VERY Sure.

GOODNIGHT, WordPress.

Y‘all Sleep Sweet.

😉     🙂     😉

What’s On Now?! Gene Hackman in Francis Ford Coppola’s “THE CONVERSATION” (1974)

Filmed In 1974 In-Between…

“THE GODFATHER“

…And…

“THE GODFATHER Part II“

…It Has Always Been Easy To Consider This Flick…

“THE CONVERSATION“

…As An Almost Totally Forgotten Classic.

It Was Written, Produced AND Directed By…

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA

…And I, Honestly, Don’t Know Too Many People Whom Have, Honestly, Seen It.

I Hadn’t Seen It In Many Years, Until Borrowing It From A BFF ((Whom I Sincerely Need To Be Hanging With More Often, Anyway)).

I Saw It There In His Movie Collection And Immediately Said To Him…

“I Need To Borrow THE CONVERSATION, Dude.”

To Which He Replied…

“THE CONVERSATION?! Sure, Sure!! It’s A Good One!!”

And Ya Know What, My Peeps?

It Is.

It’s A Good One.

It’s A Very VERY Good One, Indeed.

GENE HACKMAN

…Is Generally Known For Playing…

…Hmm…

…Rather Volatile Characters?

(((I.E. "Popeye Doyle", "Reverend Scott", "Lex Luthor", "Little Bill Daggett", "Captain Ramsey", etc etc etc)))

But, In This Flick, He Gives One Of The Most Quiet, Understated Performances You’re Likely To Ever Find.

And It’s Brilliant.

Quiet, Understated Brilliance.

Period.

His Performance Is So Spot On Perfect, It’s Almost Tooo Good.

I’ve Known People Like “HARRY CAUL”, The Reserved Wire-Tapper Character He Portrays.

You See, “HARRY CAUL” Is A Professional Surveillance Expert.

He’s Been Hired To Bug A Conversation Between Two People; A Possibly Unfaithful Woman And Her Possible Lover.

Sounds Simple Enough, Right?!

But, Now Those Whom Hired Him Want The Tapes, And It Appears They’re Willing To Kill For Them.

Now “HARRY” Is Listlessly Lost Within A Web Of Deceit, Mystery, Paranoia And Murder.

This Is Very Honest Acting, Writing, AND Directing, My Peeps.

It’s Very Nearly Priceless.

In Short?

I Loved It.

I Still Love It.

I’ve Now Watched “THE CONVERSATION” TWICE This Week, Just To Be Sure I’m Sure Sure Of What I’m Saying.

And NOW…

…Well…

…I Suppose I Should Get Crackin’ On Viewing Number THREE.

I’ve Gotta Make Sure Sure Sure, Ya Know?!

Right?!

RIGHT!!!

😉       🙂       😀

Friends… Bloggers… Countrypersons… Lend Me Your Reading-Glasses!

As Some Of You May Have Noticed…

…I’ve Been In A Sort Of “Creative-Funk” Of Late.

I’ve Had So Much On My Mind…

…So SO Much, In-Fact…

…That I Sincerely Feel My Blog Has Been Suffering For It.

I’ve Felt Kinda Lost.

I’ve Felt Kinda Overwhelmed.

I’ve Felt I Could/Should Be Doing More.

So SO Much More.

It’s October…

…Which Is Usually My Favorite Month Of The Year…

…And I’ve Spent The Bulk Of It Depressed As Shit.

I’m Not Sure What To Make Of It.

I Mean…

…Yeah, I Know I’ve Had Some Dental Issues That Have Curbed My Little Joy-Ride Several Times…

…And I’ve Been Dealing With A Horrid Bout Of Loneliness…

…But Neither Of Those Are Quality Excuses.

Right Now…

…At This Moment In Time…

…I’m Also Dealing With The Reality That My Cat…

“MISSY“

(aka “MYSTIQUE“)

…Is Nearing Death.

She’s Been Very Sick For A Couple Weeks…

…And There’s Really Nothing I, Nor Anyone Else, Can Do For Her.

She’s Stopped Eating, Now.

Her Systems Are Shutting-Down.

She Just Wants To Lay Down, Anymore.

She’s Lost Her Will To Live, Or So It Seems, But I Can’t Bring Myself To Have Her Simply “Put-Down” As The Vet Would Say.

I’ve Never Been As Attached To Any Pet As I Have Been Toward Her…

…So That I Do Know Has Added To This “Funk” I’m In.

Things Are Just Starting To Snowball.

My Hair Is Long, Now.

Longer Than It’s Ever Been.

I’m About Halfway Into Having A Full Beard Again.

As Grandma Would Say, I Look Like A “Ragamuffin” Or Something To That Effect.

I Can’t Go On My Mind-Clearing-Walks Because My Feet Have Dried-Out And Split-Open On The Bottoms In Multiple Places (F-in OUCH!).

My Mouth Hurts…

…And There Are More Dental Appointments On The Horizon.

Years And Years Of Puking-My-Guts-Up On A Daily Basis Has Simply DESTROYED My Teeth.

They’re Weak.

They’re Brittle.

They Break Like It’s Nobody’s Business.

They Make Me Horridly Self-Conscious.

Especially In This Day And Age Where Everyone Strives For That Perfect Smile…

…Ya Know…

…The One I Used To Have.

I Really Could Go On And On, But I’ll Digress From That Point.

PUT THIS…

…ALL OF THIS…

…TOGETHER…

…And It Works-Out To A Simple Answer:

October Is Now My LEAST Favorite Month.

Period.

At Least…

…This October Is.

Perhaps Next Year Will Be Better.

I Sincerely Doubt It Will Be Better…

…But That Doesn’t Mean I’m Not HOPING It’ll Be Better.

I Just Need To Find A Way To Snap-Out-Of-It Somehow.

Ya Know Ya Know, My Peeps?!?

I Just Haven’t Yet Figured-Out The SOMEHOW Part.

I Just Know I Have To Have My “A”-Game Grooving By This Time Next Week.

I’m Taking A Weekend Trip To Chicago, Next Weekend.

My BFF Lives There…

…And I Haven’t Seen Him For Nearly THREE (3) Years.

His Brother…

…My Other BFF…

…Is Picking Me Up Friday, And We’re Making The Drive.

I’m Super Stoked About That…

…Though I Admit The Bulk Of My Excitement Is Buried Deep Down Inside Me.

You Know Me…

…It’s Not Easy For Me To Outwardly Show My True Emotional States.

But I DO Promise Y’all I’m Looking Forward To The Trip With Anxious-Anticipation.

I Just Don’t Want To Show-Up On His Doorstep In A Severely Depressed State Of Heart And Mind.

ANYWAY…

…I Think I’m Going To Shut-Up, Now.

No One Likes Reading A Blog Where The Author Just Sits About And Rambles On About His Pathetic-Excuse For A Life.

So I’ll End My Ramble.

Just Please Please PLEASE, My Peeps, Take Good Care Of Yourselves…

…And Take Good Care Of Each-Other.

I’m Sure I’ll Be Back To Ramble With Y’all Again.

Hopefully Very Soon.

L8r L8r, Tater-Tots.

😐

Songs That Make Me Smile: “RIVER OF DREAMS” by BILLY JOEL (1993)

… … …

“…In The Middle Of The Night…

…I Go Walking In My Sleep…

…Through The Jungle Of Doubt…

…To The River So Deep…

…I Know I’m Searching For Something…

…Something So Undefined…

…That It Can Only Be Seen…

…By The Eyes Of The Blind…

…In The Middle Of The Night…”

… … …

“…I’m Not Sure About A Life After This…

…God Knows I’ve Never Been A Spiritual Man…

…Baptized By The Fire, I Wade…

…Into The River That Is Running To The Promised Land…”

… … …

“…In The Middle Of The Night…

…I Go Walking In My Sleep…

…Through The Desert Of Truth…

…To The River So Deep…

…We All End In The Ocean…

…We All Start In The Streams…

…We’re All Carried Along…

…By The…

…RIVER OF DREAMS…

…In The Middle Of The Night. …”

… … …

“RIVER OF DREAMS” Is The Title Song To BILLY JOEL‘s 1993 Album… …”RIVER OF DREAMS“

… … …

… … … … …

… … …

Alright…

…So How On Hell’s Half-Acre Does This Song…

“RIVER OF DREAMS“

by BILLY JOEL

…Make Bradley Smile???

Well…

…You Actually Have To Go Back To It’s Initial Release In 1993.

My Father Purchased The Album For My Mother And I…

…Since My Mother And I Were Chomping At The Bit To Get Our Hands On It.

As You Know Already…

 (if you've kept up with my bloggin'ings over the past 8 months) 

…I Was Raised On The Music Of MR. JOEL.

I Was One Of The Only Kids I Knew Of Whom Could Honestly Call Himself…

“A BILLY JOEL FAN-BOY”

.Period.

But You See…

…There Was An Issue.

My BFF Was, At The Time, Listening To MAINLY “Contemporary Christian” Music…

…A Music Genera I’ve Never Been Able To Stomach.

SO…

…I Had A Plan.

Since This Album…

“RIVER OF DREAMS“

…Had An Almost Gospel’ish-Like Sound…

…I Was Going To Attempt To Convert Him Into Listening To The Music I Loved.

.Period Period.

The Problem Was…

…His Parents HATED My Music.

They Felt It Was Horridly UN-Christian.

I Know…

…It Doesn’t Sound Like Something That Would Make One Smile…

…But Hindsight Is Funny That Way.

You See…

…It Was WORKING!

I Was Succeeding In My Conversion!

Right Up To The Part Where MR. JOEL Sings Aloud…

“…God Knows I’ve Never Been A Spiritual Man…”

😕

OOPS!

Upon Hearing That Line…

…The Music Was Ejected From The Player…

…And I Was Sent Home For Attempting To Corrupt My Devoutly Religious Friend.

I Could Honestly Go On And On About This Subject…

…But, In Fairness To My BFF, I Shall Not.

Let’s Just Say This…

…The Music Eventually DID WIN!

Hell, It Won SO Convincingly…

…That My BFF Was The Person Whom Eventually Introduced Me To…

“THE BLOODHOUND GANG“

“RICHARD CHEESE“

“KID ROCK“

etc etc etc

😀

And NOW Y’all Can See WHY This Song Makes Me Smile.

“RIVER OF DREAMS“

by BILLY JOEL

…Was Step Number One In Helping My BFF Break-Free Of The Shackles That Had So Bound His Childhood.

I Don’t Take Total Credit For It, Though.

He’d Wanted To Break-Away For A Long, LONG Time.

He Just Didn’t Know How To Go About It.

Cue The Godless Heathen That Was HIS BFF…

…And BAAM!!!

The Snowball Began To Roll…

…And It Rolled And Rolled And Rolled.

And Now…

…He’s The Coolest Cat Anyone’s Ever Known.

He’s The Life Of The Party.

He’s The Man With The Plan.

He Picks Up What You’re Puttin’ Down.

He Can Read What You’re Writin’.

He Can Smell What You’re Cookin’.

He’s The Guy The Rest Envy, Because He Lives HIS Life HIS Way.

And It All Began…

…In Regard To MY PART In Helping Him Out…

…With A Jammin’ Little Tune By…

BILLY JOEL

!!! !!! !!!

How’z ’bout Them Apples!!!

😀