…And It Felt Very VERY Relevant To What I’ve Been Doing Of Late.
“The Man Who Writes About Himself AND His Own Time Is The Only Man Who Writes About All People AND About All Time.”
—GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
I May Not See It Exactly As SHAW Had, But I Get The Gist Of What He Was Saying.
I Write About Myself, Mainly, Because I’m What I Know.
A Person MUST Write What They Know, And I’m The One Subject I Know The Best.
Sometimes, I Wish I Didn’t Know Myself So Well.
Sometimes, I Wish I Could Just Turn It All Off.
As Kids, My Brother Had A Standing Order For Xmas Or Birthday Gifts.
He Wanted A “Remote Controlled Bradley” So He Could “Turn Him Off“!!!
😦
I’m Not Even Joking There, My Peeps.
That’s Exactly What He Wanted.
People Have Wanted To Turn Me Off The Bulk Of My Life.
It Comes With The Territory.
It Goes Hand–N–Hand With Mental Illness.
No One Knows How To Fix You…
…Yet Everyone Wants To.
Even Little Brothers.
So, What Can I Say Toward That?
Honestly, Not Much.
I Do Wish I Had An Off-Switch.
It Would Have Come In Handy Many, Many Times.
But, Alas, I Do Not.
So, Now What?!
Help Me Here, My Peeps.
What’s Up?
What’s The Story?
What’s The Scoop??
What Can I Do???
It’s Just A Bit After 5AM…
…Yet, Here I Sit…
…Talking To Y’all…
…Wishing I Had More To Honestly Say.
Everything I Want To Say, I Can’t.
Everything I Want To Do, I Can’t.
So, Where Does That Leave Us?
If You Said “Right Back Where We Started“ You’d Be Very Much Correct.
I’m Tired.
I Feel Used-Up.
I Feel Worn-Out.
Maybe I Should Try Going Back To Bed?
Well, I Would If I Knew It Would Be A Positive.
But, It Wouldn’t Be.
It’d Just Be More Of The Same.
Tossing.
Turning.
Blankly–Staring.
I Just Don’t Know, My Peeps.
I Sincerely Don’t Know.
I Do Know I Don’t Write For All People…
…Nor For All Time.
I’m Just Here.
I’m Just Me.
I’m Just Writing What Feels Right.
Even Though, Sometimes, It’s Very VERY Wrong.
I Hate My Brain.
I Hate My Heart.
I Hate Everything About Myself.
Why?
Because, I Don’t Function Properly.
I Can Be The Nicest, Most Charming Person Around.
And, Then, In The Same Breath, I Can Be Malicious.
I Can Be Cruel.
I Can Be Evil.
Life’s Funny That Way, I Suppose.
Is It Funny I Find That Funny?
Is It Wrong?
Is It In Bad-Taste?
I Just Don’t Know.
I Do Know It’s Time To End This Ramble.
I’m Just Not Feeling It.
I Started–Out Shaky On The Subject…
…And I Remain So.
So, I’ll Just Shut-Up.
Perhaps Later I’ll Be More Able To Convey My Thoughts And Feelings.
Right Now…
…Both MY MIND And MY HEART Are In A Very Dark Place.
Trying To Work When I’m Like This Is Generally A Bad Thing.
Nothing Good Has Ever Come Of It…
…And I Don’t See Any Good Coming Anytime Soon.
Perhaps Later?
Perhaps.
"You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" 
Sounds like you need a vacation to clear your head. Go somewhere different or try something that you’ve never tried before.
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I Need SOMETHING To Clear My Head. At This Point, I’d Settle For Most Anything. And Rarely Do I Settle. 😉
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Bradley do you exercise? I started running again. It has helped me deal with my anxiety issues. My body is getting tired enough at night now that I can actually sleep for 4-5 hours at a stretch. I know it’s cold out. Find a gym to join. They can be relatively inexpensive. It will help give you an endorphin rush, ease your anxiety and depression too.
Honey, not one of us is normal. There are only guidelines to follow. No normal. Stop beating yourself up over what you perceive to be inadequacies or flaws. They are merely differences. In body, soul and brain chemistry. Isn’t that the beauty of us humans, our differences?
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When I was a lad, my family would try to shut me up by having a “Let’s See Who Can Be Quiet The Longest” contest, and I would invariably lose.
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I don’t function properly either. It sucks sometimes. But now more often than not I can handle the fact that I operate outside the norm 85% of the time. There’s lots of reasons why but mostly I chalk it up to one amazing, wonderful and fantabulous therapist who really got me. Have you tried therapy?
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I’ve Been Seeing A Therapist Since The Age Of 5yo. Thus Far, All It Has Done Is Allow Me To Say, “Oh Yeah, I See A Therapist” And That’s About It. 😦
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Awww, honey. I went through 2 therapists, a hospital stay and a whole bunch of pills before I found the therapist who was a perfect fit for me. (((hugs)))
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I’ve Been Through More Than A Dozen Therapists, Multiple Hospital Stays, And I’ve Failed All The Meds I’ve Tried Thus Far.
Needless To Say, I Feel Very VERY Stuck With My Issues.
I’ll Take A Good Hug Anytime I Can Get It, Though.
Thank You For That, And For Caring, Ms. Misty.
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