“BRILLIANT DISGUISE” (1987) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
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Well, My Peeps…
…Bradley Was Taken-To-Task, Tonight.
He Was Coldly (yet thoughtfully) Reminded He’s Not Making The Progress He Should Be On His “Non-Blog” Creative-Writing Endeavors.
And Ya Know Something, Kiddies, He’s Very VERY Correct.
I’m Not Making The Progress I Should Be.
I’ve Let My Emotions Overload My Better Judgment…
…Again.
I’ve Spent Most Of My Time So Worried And Focused On Other Things I’ve Not Really Spent The Time I Should Be Spending On My More Pressing Projects.
In Short…
…I’ve Been SLACKING.
That’s The Only Way To Explain It.
I’ve. Been. SLACKING.
Period.
No One Will Ever Take Me Seriously Until I Have Something To Show For My Efforts.
Will They?
No.
Probably Not.
Until It’s A Reality, It’s Just A Dream.
Correct?
Correct.
So I’m Throwing Myself Into My Work, Again.
It Really Would Make Me Feel Like A Fraud If I Never Completed One Of These Stories.
I’ve Worked So Long, And So Hard On Them.
I Can’t Just Give-‘Em-Up.
I Can’t Just Walk-Away.
I Can’t Just Quit.
I’ve Done That With Nearly Everything I’ve Ever Set-Out-To-Do In My Whole Life.
Talk About A Tough Pill To Swallow.
Ignoring It Has Been Easy.
Realizing It?
Facing It?
Those Have Both Just Sucked Some Major Asshole.
Dealing With It?
I Am.
I So Am.
I Feel Like I’ve Been Wearing Different Masks For A Long Time.
Different Disguises.
I Know That’s Why This Song…
“BRILLIANT DISGUISE“
by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
…Resonated With Me So Much, Tonight.
I’ve Been Hiding Because I Doubt Myself.
I Doubt Every Move I Make.
I Doubt Every Move I Don’t Make.
I Doubt Every Thought…
…Every Memory…
…Every Known-Fact…
…Every Unknown-Fact.
Doubt…Doubt…Doubt.
For A Man With A Memory As Acute As Mine…
…That’s A Helluva Lot Of Doubts.
I Used To Be So Sure.
Sure Of Every Action.
Sure Of Every Inaction.
Sure That What I Was Doing Was How I Should Be Doing It.
Sure Of This.
Sure Of That.
Sure…Sure…Sure.
I’m Not Sure When The Doubts Set In.
I Am Sure There Has To Have Been An Event.
There Has To Be A Trigger.
Like Anything Else…
…There Is Cause And Effect.
“A” Happens, And Thus “B” Happens.
That Might Be Oversimplifying It, But It Works.
It Does What I Need It To Do.
I Was A Man Who Was Sure Of Everything.
And Became A Man Who Is Sure Of Nothing.
Something Happened Along The Way.
Some Moment.
Some Event.
Some Trigger.
Am I Right About This?
I Am…Right???
This Final Line Of The Song Is What Really Got Me:
-“…God Have Mercy On The Man Who Doubts What He’s Sure Of.“-
I May Not Be A Man Of Faith, But I Can Totally Identify With What’s Being Said.
I Was Sure Of What I Wanted.
I Was Sure Of How To Get It.
I Was Sure Of How It Was Going To Go Down.
I Was Sure Of Myself.
Then, I Stumbled.
Somewhere Along The Way, I Stumbled.
Time To Pull-Up The Ole Bootstraps And Carry-On, Eh?!
Eh, Indeed!!
I Know How To Write.
I Know I Know How To Write.
So Why The Hell Haven’t I Been Writing?
Like My Friend Told Me…
…My Blog IS A HOBBY.
It IS NOT A PROFESSION.
Somewhere Along The Way I Forgot That Little Fact, Also.
I Love My Blog.
I Have Fun With My Blog.
It Brings Me Joy.
But, In The End, It Really Is Just A Hobby…
…Isn’t It?
Accordingly, I Must Treat It As Such.
Something To Tinker With When The Real Work Has Ceased For The Day.
Right?!
RIGHT!!
Midnight Is Drawing Near.
I Suppose I’ve Said What Needed To Be Said.
I’m Grateful To My Friend For Having The Balls To Just Break-It-Down For Me Like That.
The Best Way To Thank Him, However, Would Be To Excel.
I’m NOT SURE I Can.
I AM SURE I Can Try Try TRY.
Rest Easy, My Peeps.
Friday Is Here.
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