Feeling Brilliant; Feeling Foolish: It Really Is A Fine FINE Line To Travel Upon…

…And Of That There Can Be Little Debate.

Granted, There Are People Whom Can AND Will Debate Anything AND Everything.

To Those People, Honestly, I Say…

“More Power To Ya.”

To The Rest Of Us Whom Teeter-Totter On The Edge Of  The Before Mentioned “Feeling Brilliant” AND “Feeling Foolish” There Really Isn’t Much To Say Other Than…

“It’s Called LIFE. Deal With It. If You Don’t Get One Outcome, You’re ALMOST Assured To Get The Other. It’s Called LIFE.”

2013, Now More Than Half Over, Has Been A Year Filled With BOTH Feelings/Mindsets.

I Do Admit To Having A Few Truly Brilliant Moments, This Year.

True, They May Have Been Situations Where I Was Confident In The Outcome Ahead Of Time AND Was Thus Proved Correct.

But, Honestly, That Feels A Touch Beside The Point.

At Least, For Now. 😉

Sadly, However, 2013 Has Felt More And More AND MORE Like A Year Of Foolishness On My Part.

Family Issues.

Friend Issues.

Relationship Issues.

Personal Issues.

You Name It, Chances Are I Can Equate Whatever It Is Into Yet Another Foolish Moment For Yours Truly.

But, And I’m Curious About This In Many Respects, What Truly Is The Fine Line Between “Brilliance” And “Foolishness”???

Sadly, I Keep Coming Back To The Same One-Word Answer…

“SUCCESS”

Period.

If Something Is A Winner, Chances Are You’ll Be Overtly Contented.

You’ll Be Feeling The Wondrous Side Of A Success, Regardless Of What It Is.

You’ll Most Likely Even Feel A Flash Of “Brilliance” Wash Over You.

But…

…What If You Fail???

What If There Is No Real Success In Whatever It Is You’ve Attempted???

You’ll Be Feeling The Vile Side Of A Lost Chance At A Success…

…And Of That, I Sincerely Have No Doubts.

You Won’t Feel Any Waves Of “Brilliance” Afterward.

No, You’ll Be Feeling As I Do Most Of The Time.

You’ll Be Feeling Like A “Fool” And Feeling Listless In Wonder As To Where You Went Wrong.

I Think That’s Why I Love Baseball So Very Very Much.

It Truly Is More About Failure And Loss.

At Least, More So Than Anything Else.

Winning Is WONDERFUL!

Losing SUCKS ASS!

But, You Don’t Learn Much From Winning, Other Than The Elation Of The Actual Win.

You Do, On The Other Hand, Learn So So SO Much More From Defeat.

Now, I Know You’re All Waiting For Me To Divulge Some Of Said “Foolish” Moments, But I Don’t Really Think I Can.

Not Without Getting Myself, Or Others, In Trouble…

…With Someone…

…Somewhere…

…Be They Person, Or Entity.

Honestly, The Moment I’m Going To Briefly Mention Is A Combo Of BOTH “Brilliance” AND “Foolishness” Like You Wouldn’t Believe.

You See, My Peeps My Friends The Kiddies, I’ve Been Living Through A Self-Imposed EXILE For Almost A Month, Now.

It’s Honestly Killing Me.

I’ve Never EVER Felt So Alone In My Life.

Hell, I Spent A Couple Months In Boot-Camp, Which Was About The Loneliest Time In My Life…

…Until Now.

I Feel So Alone Because I’ve Simply Been Toooooooooooooo Damned Embarrassed To Be Around Other People.

Period.

Other Than My Immediate Family, Only ONE PERSON Has Seen Me AND Spent Time With Me While I’m In This Condition.

For Those Of You Whom Don’t Know…

…I FINALLY GOT MY ORAL SURGERY!

I Got It Last Month.

I’m Literally About Two-Weeks Away From Having A Perfect Smile, Again!

I Couldn’t Be Happier About That Part.

It’s The Waiting In-Between PHASE I And PHASE II That’s The Killer.

I Do Feel Brilliant For Finally Pulling The Trigger, Plunking Down The Money I Can’t Afford To Burn In Any Way, And Getting ALL Of My Teeth Fixed.

Trust Me, Kids, Years And Years AND YEARS Of Acid Erosion Can Be Dentally Devastating.

I’m A Living, Breathing Poster-Board For It.

Sadly, I Also Am Feeling Very VERY Foolish.

Foolish Because I Have, More Or Less, Gone Into Total Hiding.

I Don’t Go Anywhere ((save my morning walks)).

I Don’t Meet Other People.

I Stay As Totally Off The Social Grid As Possible.

I’m Sad, Yes.

I’m Lonely, Yes.

I’m Going Out Of My Mind In The Want/Need To Spend Time With Those Other People I Care Deeply For.

But, As Foolish As This Exile Has Been…

…For Me, Personally Personally, It Has Been Bordering On Brilliant.

I’ve Looked Bad In The Past…

…But I Really Don’t Want People Seeing Me At My Absolute Worst.

I’m Far Toooooo Self-Conscious For That.

So, By Adding The Pains Of Loneliness…

…Sadness…

…And Racing Thoughts…

…It Adds Up To A Bit Of The “Foolish Factor” Feeling.

BUT, By Removing The Pains Of Embarrassment…

…And Extreme Paranoia Due To The Overt Self-Conscious Issues…

…I’m Experiencing A Touch Of The Ole “Brilliance Factor” Feeling, Also.

😀

Sooooooooooooo…

…What Do You Think?

Am I Just Being Foolish??

Or, Is There Even A Hint Of Brilliance To It???

Do YOU Often Feel Like This????

--Yeah. You. In The Back. Pretending Not To Be Reading Over The Other Person's Shoulder.--

Do YOU Often Feel Like This, My Peeps?????

My Curiosity Abounds!

😀       😉       😀

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Me & “Mr. Negative” Over Here…

…Wanted To Apologize For All The Negativity I’ve Spewed Of Late, My Peeps.

When Things Start Going Wrong For A Person, They Usually Do So In Rather LARGE Clumps.

Yes

…Some Have Said I’ve Been Waaaaay Too Harsh On Myself.

Maybe I Have.

Maybe I Haven’t.

Who’s To Say???

Exactly, My Peeps.

But, That’s Not My Current Point.

I’m Talking About My Negative Approach To…

…Ohhh…

…99.993% Of My Recent Life?!

(((Give Or Take A % Or Two.)))

That Part Is Totally MY BAD.

It Hasn’t Always Been That Way, As You’re Well Award.

I Can BE Negative.

I Am NOT Always This “MR. NEGATIVE” Creature.

Lately…

…”MR. NEGATIVE” Is All I’ve Been, Though.

It Hasn’t Mattered What It Was…

…Chances Are It PISSED ME OFF.

It’s For THAT, And Mainly That Alone, I’m Really Sorry.

I Can’t Be Sorry For What I Said.

They Were Honest Expressions Of The Moment’s Emotions.

I Can Regret Them…

…But I Can’t Truly Be Sorry For Them.

I Meant Them.

SO

What Have I Learned From This???

Well, I Hate Exterior Drama And How It Perpetuates Itself.

I Create Enough Drama For Myself.

I’m Evidence Of That.

Ain’t That A BIG FO SHO.

: /

It’s Just Life, Kids.

I Know You Understand My Jive.

It’s Not Set.

Sometimes, I Fu*k-It-Up.

You Do It.

YOU DO!

You Could Slow Life Down To The Millisecond, And You’d Still Find A Way To Fu*k-It-Up!

YOU WOULD!

That’s How Life Works.

Goin’ Good…

…Goin’ Good…

Dammit

…Goin’ Good…

…Goin’ Good…

Dammit

Dammit

DAMMIT!

It Never Fails.

Since I Had The Option, I Blogged During My Issues.

Smart Idea?

???

The Jury Is Still Out On This One, Judge(s).

BUT, I Remain Hopeful.

😉

I Often Refer To My Blog As An Evolution.

It Is.

I’m Constantly Growing As A Blogger…

…And I Try To Learn More From BOTH My Successes AND My Failures.

Needless To Say…

(((Though I'm Going To Say It)))

…I’m Still Learning.

I’m Finding More And More Folks Seem To Care About My Work When I’m Cranking Out Quotes, Or I’m Discussing Personal Drama.

I’m Not Really Sure How To Take That.

Not YET, Anyway.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Writing For The Sake Of Writing Is NOT (always) The Best Reason For Doing So…

…Or, So I’ve Been Informed.

However…

…At Times Like These I Think That Statement Is Total BS.

Some Of Us Don’t Have A Reason For Doing So.

If And When I DO Have A Really Real Personal Item For Writing…

…I Tend To Procrastinate Like A Mo FO, Fo SHO.

If I’m Writing For The Sake Of Doing So…

…I Usually End-Up Finishing, Regardless Of The Topic.

Once I Get On A Roll…

…Well…

…You’d Best Be Lookin’-Out.

ANYWAY…

…My Reason For Writing Today Is A Good One…

…Or So I Believe.

I Was Going To Talk About Writing In General.

I Was Going To Talk About How I Don’t Consider Myself A Good One (read as “Person”).

I Was Going To Talk About Life, In All It’s Oddly Intriguing Ways.

Now, I’m Unsure.

The Topic That Was In My Head Would’ve Honestly Needed More Tinkering Than I’m Allowing Myself.

So, What To Talk About?

I Suppose My Favorite Topic Is PAIN.

Real…

…Perceived…

…Imaginary.

Pain That Physically Hurts.

Pain That Mentally Hurts.

And…

…Of Course…

…Pain That Emotionally Hurts.

I’ve Made Some Of My Business Open, And How I Feel Like A Dealer In PAIN.

Not That I Want To Administer It.

No No.

Just That I Think I Understand It.

The Question Then Becomes…

…What Have I Learned-About-It/Taken-Away-From-It?

That It F-In’ Hurts, For Starters.

Whether It’s Happening Directly To You…

…Or To Someone You Know, Or Are With.

Whether It Happens Here…

…Or In Some Far Away City/State/Country.

At Those Times, We Remember All About Our Pains…

…Personal AND Perceived.

So…

…Do We Feel Pain Because Something Happened To Distress People?

Honestly…

…Not Really.

We Try To.

We Just Can’t Totally Connect To The People, And Therefore We Will Unlikely Totally Connect With Them, Nor Their Actions.

"Better ThEM THAN Than ME"

…And I See Nothing To Support An Argument Otherwise.

Now…

…Do We Feel Pain Because Something Happens To Someone We Know AND Love?

Yes.

Yes We Do.

We Feel It Keenly And Hardcore.

So Why?

Why Does Pain Attack Us Most When It’s Someone Personal To Us, And Not Toward Those Elsewhere?

Because We’re (mostly) Numb.

Numb From Seeing It On TV, CONTINUALLY.

Numb From The Video Games That The Kids Play With These Days.

Numb From Movies…

…Numb From The News…

…Numb, Numb, NUMB!!!

Numb Is The ONLY Reason To Do What We Do At Times.

At Other Times, It Takes A Better Approach.

The Problem Is DISCOVERING, Simply, WHAT The Better Approach Really REALLY  IS.

Sadly…

Bradley Does NOT Know What Said Better Approach Really Is.

I Never Have.

I Make Decisions, Yes, But Almost Always I Do So Out Of My Own Personal State Of Numbness.

Sometimes, I Convey My Feelings Quite Well.

The Rest Of The Times I Consider Myself A Failure In That Department.

I Don’t Know How To Be Subtle.

I Don’t Know How To Be Absolutely Careful In My Personal Situations.

I’ve Done So SO Many Stupid Things In Life.

And Those Things Sincerely Stick In My Craw.

They Massively Stick in My Craw…

…And I’m Unable To Find A Happy Medium.

Period.

I Hate Being Extreme.

Too Far Right Means I’m An Asshole For Life With Sincerely No Opinions Other Than Those Already Expressed By Others.

I’d Believe In God…

…I’d Believe In Guns…

…Nuf ‘Ced.

Too Far To The Left, I’m A Radical.

I’m An Outcast.

I’m The Blackest Sheep In A Family Of Black Sheep.

Sheesh.

Once Again, I’ve Written Myself In A Sort-Of Circle.

I Don’t Know What I Should Do With My Issues, Other Than Ignoring Them.

But That’s The Biggest Problem Of All.

I Shut My Feelings Off Way Too Easily…

…And Always Keep Myself Very Calm…

…Centered…

…But When One Door Closes Another Opens…

…Right???

RIGHT!!!

A Chapter Of My Life Has Ended.

Honestly…

…I’m Glad It’s Done And Over-With.

One Less Perpetual Headache To Handle.

Once Again…

…I Was Cold.

I Was Sleepy.

I Was Ready To Be Done.

My Problem Is…

…How I Managed This.

I’m Likely In For A Round Of Bashing.

Those Happen Anyway, Without My Assistance.

Holy Shit, My Peeps.

Yet Another Aimless Ramble.

I (almost) Never Sicken Of The Things We Call Daily Life…

…(almost).

Then Rest Is Always Preferred.

Publishing,  Regardless, Is One Of True Bliss.

So, Perhaps I Should Digress For The Moment With A Digression.

I Have A Pot of Coffee, A Smoke Rolled-Up.

I’m Even Listening To…

HALO

by DEPECHE MODE

…So GO ME!

December 28TH, My Nephew Will Be Staying Here With My family And I.

So, That’s Cool.

MY BEST To Your AND Yours, My Peeps.

L8r L8r, Tater-Tots!!!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

BRADLEY ALAN

A Quote And Some Necessary Words… …Ya Know… …Because I Can.

Alright, My Peeps…

…I’m Sure You’ve Noticed A Bit Of A Change AND Change-Back In Regard To My Recent Bloggin’ings.

There, For A Little Bit, I Was Putting Much Much More Of MYSELF Into That Which I’d Written.

Then…

…Rather Suddenly…

…I Pulled Myself Back.

I Had Quickly Felt I Was Putting Too Much Of Me-Me Out There To Y’all.

I Know Putting One’s Self Out There Is Generally Considered Part Of The Game Which We Call “Writing”…

…And I Just Wasn’t Sure Where I Was Going With It All.

I’m Still Not Totally Totally Sure.

We Talked About My Sleep (or lack there-of).

We Talked About My Mental State AND The Personal Difficulties Surrounding Said Mental State.

We Talked About A Lot.

Hell…

…I Talk To Y’all More Than I Talk To My Shrink.

Odd As It May Sound…

I Was A Lot More Comfortable Telling Y’all What Was Up.

🙂

Alright…

…So What’s This Quote Bid-nass I Eluded To In My Headline?

It’s Actually One Of My Faves…

…And I Felt It’s Something I Should Share With Y’all.

*** *** ***

THE ARTIST IS NOTHING WITHOUT THE GIFT, BUT THE GIFT IS NOTHING WOTHOUT WORK.

ÉMILE ZOLA

*** *** ***

Honestly…

…I Know For A Fact He’s Pretty Much Right.

You Can Be The Best At What You Do…

…But Without Constantly Working At It….

…You’ll Always Have That Looming Cloud Of “Waning-Skills” On Your Horizon.

With The Bulk Of Things In Life…

…One Must Keep At It.

At Least…

You Do If You Want To Improve And Make Whatever It Is Better And Better.

That’s A Fairly Established Fact, My Peeps.

You Know It.

I Know It.

We Know It.

Do I Have A Gift?!

No.

Not Really.

If I Do Have A Gift, It’s The Gift Of “LOVING TO WRITE”…

…Whether I’m Good At It, Or Not.

Do I Have A Painstakingly Cultivated Skill That’s Taken Me Many MANY Years To Merely Get This Far-Along?

Yes.

Yes I Do.

Am I Satisfied With The Results Of Said Cultivation?

No.

No I’m Not.

Why?!

Because That’s The Other Side Of The Coin.

One With This Sort Of Skill Can NEVER Be Totally Satisfied.

Never Never Never Ever Never.

You Can’t Be.

It’s Personal Evolution, My Peeps.

We Keep The Same That Which We Can…

…And We Must Work At Bettering The Rest.

I’ve Been Tinkering With Writing Since The Age Of 3-Years-Old.

I Simply Love Telling Stories.

Whether It Be Fiction, Or Not.

Whether It Be A Review Of Something, Or A Non-Review Review.

Whether It Be (almost) Telling A Humorous Anecdote, Or (almost) Telling A Joke.

Whether It Be Playing Off Of The Quotation Of Another Person.

Each One Requires A Different Type Of Mindset…

…And Therefore A Different Style Of Writing Is Called-For.

If You Do Everything The Same Way, You’re Likely Bound For Eventual Failure.

Granted…

…Eventual Failure Is Part Of Our Community Called Writing.

Not Every Piece You Write Is Going To Be Widely Accepted, Nor Hailed As A Victory.

And All Of This Comes About Through Hard Work, And Determination.

The Skill Of Writing Is Important.

But There Are Other Skills Involved.

And They’re Different For Each And Every Person.

What Motivates One Doesn’t Necessarily Motivate Another.

SO…

…I Want You To Know I DO Plan To Dig A Bit Deeper Inside Myself.

I Want To Be Able To Tackle Any AND Every Topic That Pops Into My Head, Regardless Of How Odd, Or Crazy, It Sounds.

I Want To Be Able To Show-Off My Skills…

…And I Want To Be Able To Continue Evolving My Personal Style.

Evolution…

…In Every Sense Of The Word…

…Is What We’re Chasing Here.

Like They Say…

"Always The Same... ...Always Changing."

That’s How I Feel Abouy This…

…This Writing Bid-nass.

It Can’t Take You Very Far If It’s Just Like Everyone Else’s…

…Nor Can It Take You Very Far If You Don’t Put Yourself Into It.

You Simply Must Must MUST, My Peeps.

And I Will Be.

I Must Must Must.

You Can Win The Hearts And Minds Of A Few Peeps If You Churn-Out The Same-Ole-Same-Ole…

…But I Don’t Want That.

I Want To Win The Hearts And Minds Of A Larger Swath Of Peeps Because They Truly Enjoy What I’m Doing.

And I Sincerely Think People Respect An Artist More-So When Said Artist Is Doing Things A Little Differently Than The Rest Of The Pack.

I Can’t Think About It In Any-Other-Way.

And You Really Shouldn’t, Either.

One MUST To Bring Something New To The Table.

Period.

And I Think I Will.

😀

😉