“A SCENE Of HORROR” by Bradley Alan (Rated “R”)

Alright, My Peeps.

This Is A Tinkered-With Version Of Something I’d Written About A Decade Ago.

In 2003, Actually.

The Tinkering Part Is An Expansion Of The Setting Of The Scene.

The Actual Parts Of The People In The Scene Haven’t Been Much Tinkered-With At All.

I’ll Warn You Now…

…My Dream Of Writing, Especially When Thinking About Potential Movie Scenes, Or Screenplays, Etc, Has NEVER Been Geared Toward The Goal Of One-Day Winning An Academy Award.

Actually…

…I Never Considered Winning Any Awards For It.

I Wanted To Write “B-MOVIES“…

…Ya Know…

…More Like A “SYFY CHANNEL ORIGINAL” Type Of Film.

I’m Not So Good When It Comes To Dramatic Writing…

…Nor Really Comedy Writing, Either.

BUT…

…Boy, Oh Boy, Can I Write Some Quality CHEESE!

This Piece…

A SCENE Of HORROR

by Bradley Alan

…Is Exactly That.

It Was Written To, Hopefully, One Day Be Expanded To The Point Of Having An Entire Screenplay.

A CHEESE LADEN SCREENPLAY!

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It Really Is…

…(RATEDR“)…

…So If You’re Easily Offended By Harsh Language, I Doubt You’ll Like It So Much.

Fair Warning.

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Alright…

…Here We Go, Kiddies.

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I’ve Left The Setting Rather Ambiguous, As I’m Sure This Scene Could Be Used In A Couple Different Types Of Horror Flick.

Most Notably, I Think It Could Be Used For Something Like A Zombie Apocalypse Type Flick, Or Simply A Flick Where There’s A Small Group Of Folks On The Run From Someone, Or Something.

That’s Actually The Least Important Part Of What I’m Presenting Here, As I Was More Concerned About The Characters, And What They’ve Got Going On.

Whatever, Or Whom Ever, They’re Running From Is Obviously Bad Enough That The Small Group Of Folks Is Very Noticeably Shaken To The Point Of Hysteria.

The Scene Is Of A Small Group Of About 5 Or 6 People, Though Only Three People Are Participating In The Speaking Portions Of The Scene.

And Now To Begin

It’s The Dead Of Night.

(((Pun Totally Intended, By The Way.)))

GIRL #1:

(Sobbing, Hysterical)

We’re Going To Die! We’re ALL Going To Die, I Just Know It!

GUY #1:

(Almost Frantic, But Calmer Than The Rest Of Them)

LOOK, Just Shut The Fuck Up And Let Me THINK!

GIRL #1:

(Sobbing Harder Than Before, Much More Hysterical)

“But We’re Going To Die! They’re Going To Find Us! We’re Going To Die! I Know We Are!”

GUY #1:

(More Forceful Than Before)

Look You Crazy Bitch, I’ve Seen Enough Scary Movies To Know Your Hysterical Ass is No Good To Us Right Now! If You Don’t Shut The Fuck Up NOW, I’ll Kill You Myself Just To Save Everyone Else!

GIRL #1:

(Still Pretty Hysterical, But The Sobbing Has Suddenly Stopped)

HEY, Who The Hell Do You Think You Are! You…

GUY #1:

(Gets Up In GIRL #1's Face, He's Much More Forceful This Time)

ONE MORE FUCKIN’ WORD! JUST ONE FUCKIN’ MORE, AND I’LL DECK YOU! JUST ONE FUCKIN’ MORE!

GUY #2:

(Frantically Comes-Over To The Aide Of GIRL #1)

HEY! YOU CAN’T TALK TO HER THAT WAY! Y…

--(GUY #1 Totally Decks GUY #2 With A Savage Uppercut To The Chin)--
--(GUY #2 Falls Hard To The Ground, Totally Laid Out)--
--(GUY #1 Turns Toward GIRL #1)--

GUY #1:

(As Forcefully As Possible)

AND THAT GOES FOR YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE! I AM NOT GOING TO DIE OUT HERE BECAUSE Of YOU! YOU WANNA BITCH, SCREAM, OR ANY OTHER FUCKIN’ THING, FINE! BUT NOT WITHIN A HUNDRED FUCKIN’ MILES OF ME! GOT IT!?!?!

--((DEAD SILENCE))--

GUY #1:

(Still Forceful, But Noticeably Calmer)

Good! Now, Let’s Keep Moving!

GIRL #1:

(A Bit More Whiny Than Frantic, And Holding Back Tears)

And THEN WHAT!?

--(GUY #1 Begins Helping Up GUY #2)--

GUY #1:

(The Calmest He's Been Thus Far)

Try To Survive The Night.

… …

SCENE

.

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Like I Said, My Peeps…

…I Wanna Write A “B-Movie“…

…And That’s Exactly How This Was Thought-Out.

Not As Something To Be In Some Fancy-Ass Studio Drama….

…But As Something To Be On The “SYFY CHANNEL” On A Saturday Night!

A CHEESE-TASTIC CHEESE-FEST!!!

It Was Fun…

…Right?!?

?!?

Riiight?!?

?!?!?

I Was “James Bond”, Once… …Once.

ALRIGHT, Let’s Begin.

So, I Found This Photo Over The Weekend, And I’ve Been Trying To Think About How To Explain It, It’s Significance, And The Significance Of The Cache Of Original Material I Found Along With It.

In Case You Can’t Tell…

…’Cause Most Of Y’all Can’t…

…I’m The Snappy-Dresser On The Left.

Go Ahead.

Look Again.

Now…

…Don’t I Look Like “JAMES BOND”?!?

GREAT!!!

Because That’s Exactly Who I Was Supposed To Be At The Time This Photo Was Taken.

This Was The Promotional Photo For The 1996/1997 High School Parody Film, Made For A Class Project.

The Name Of The Flick Was…

And NO I’m NOT Lying

4 “DICKS” AND A CHICK

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YES, My Peeps…

…I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE That Was The OFFICIAL Title.

Seriously.

That’s The Really REAL Name.

We Got Away With Calling It That Because We Were A Band Of Four (4) PRIVATE DETECTIVES.

And…

…Since The Nickname For A PRIVATE DETECTIVE Is “PRIVATE DICK”…

…Well…

…That Was Considered Acceptable.

So…

…I Mean, Come On…

…Who Among You Wouldn’t Call At Movie By A Name Like That If You KNEW It Was Going To Be Acceptable?!?!?

Remember…

…You’re 17-Years-Old.

EXACTLY, My Peeps!!!

Damn Near ALL OF YOU Would Have Totally Gone For It.

And We Were No Different.

The “4 DICKS”ย  Were PARODIES Of…

JAMES BOND

COLUMBO

THE HIGHLANDER

ELIOT NESS

…And The CHICK Was…

BETTY CROCKER

(Codename: “HOOVA“)

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I’m Totally Not Making This Shit Up, My Peeps.

This Was Our Class Movie.

Doesn’t It Just Figure I Was An “A/V” Geek, Also?!

SURE IT DOES!!

O.M.F.G.

Just Remembering All Of This Is Making Me Laugh, And Laugh HARD.

The Plot Went Something Like…

…We Were Hired To Steal “Colonel Sanders” Famous Chicken Recipe For “Hardee’s”

…Or Some Such Nonsense…

…And Our Contact On The Inside Was “The Colonel’s Former Mistress” Whom Just So Happened To Be…

…Yep…

BETTY CROCKER

…Though We Didn’t Know It Was “BETTY” At The Time.

We Were Using Her Codename, “HOOVA“!!!

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! !!! !!!)

Sheesh.

Yeah.

We Were So SO AWESOME…

…NOT!

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Well…

…We Thought We Were At The Time.

So That’s Good Enough To Justify Our Actions.

At Least…

…I Think It Does.

Maybe?!

ANYWAY…

…Regardless Of All The Nonsense And Whatnot…

…This Class Was Where I Developed My Already Budding “A/V” Skills That Helped Me Get Into The Idea Of Becoming A JOURNALIST For The NAVY.

I Already Knew I Was Going To Go Into The NAVY.

That Plan Was Fixed.

Set.

Nothing Was Going To Change My Mind.

And Nothing Did Change My Mind.

The Only Change Was The Job I’d Be Doing.

I Was Actually Considering A Few Possibilities Before Finding-Out About The “JO” Rate In The NAVY.

“JO” Being The NAVY’S Abbreviated Term For A JOURNALIST.

BAAM!!!

That’s All She Wrote.

I Knew What I Wanted To Do.

Period.

And By Gum I Did It, Too.

And I Owe A Bundle Of The Skilled-Knowledge I Went Into The Journalism Program With To THIS CLASS.

I Took The Class Twice, Actually.

As A Junior AND As A Senior.

They Had A Special Stipulation For The Class That Allowed Me To Take It The Second Time.

And I Loved It.

Absolutely Loved It.

That’s One Of The Few Things I Loved About That High School…

…The “A/V” Program.

The Rest Is History.

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So…

…Quickly About My Cache Of Material, Found Along With The Silly-Ass Photo Above.

I Found My Personal Mother-Load!!!

Scenes I’d Written.

Plot Outlines.

Character Ideas.

Titles.

You Name It, I Found It.

And It’s All MINE!!!

(MMMUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

MINE MINE MINE!!!

So…

…As Time Goes On…

…Be Expecting Me To Toss Some Of That Original Material On You.

I Have Everything From…

…Horror Scenes…

…To A 1920s/1930s Radio Serial Show Outline.

From A Disaster Epic…

…To En Erotic Love-Story/Murder-Mystery.

It’s All Here, Kids.

Well…

…Not All Of It.

I Have More…

…Somewhere…

…Someplace…

…But I’ll Find It.

So BE READY, My Peeps!!!

This Could Get Really REALLY INTERESTING!!!

At Least, I Sure As Shit HOPE IT DOES!!!

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I’ll Be In-Touch, My Peeps.

HOLLA AT Y’ALL L8R!!!

PEACE!!!

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