“…If It Were, You‘d Be Dead.”
—THE SPARK
-{(1990–Present)}-
-<{NON–CONFORMIST}>-
😉 😀 😉
Tag Archives: Humor
Pissed-ON!?! Pissed-OFF?!? In This Instance, It Felt Like BOTH!!!
Ever Has One Of Those Moments When You Awaken In The Morning (the wee wee hours of said morning), And Something Doesn’t Feel Quite Right??
You Feel Around Lightly, And Are Quickly Able To Notice You’re Soaked.
You’re Laying In Your Own Bed, And The Physical Sensations Are Telling You One Thing…
“O.M.F.G.! I CANNOT BELIEVE I’D DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!”
At That Moment, A Touch Of A Giggle Is Met With The Horrifying Power Of Anger.
“Yes, I’m Now Completely DRENCHED And Exceptionally PISSED-OFF!!”
So, I Slowly Try To Roll Out Of What I’m Sure Is A Large Puddle In The Center Of My Bed.
Suddenly, As I Slowly turn…
…I Here A *crumple* *crumple* *crunch* Noises.
So I Quickly Make The Decision And Say, “TO HELL WITH THIS!” As I Jumped Up From My Now Soiled Mattress.
I Check My Clothes First For Conformation.
Sure Enough, My Crotch, My Ass, My Hips, My Sleep-Pants, My Sleep Shirt, All Of Me Is Practically Sopping-Wet.
Then, Upon Further Investigation…
…I Found The Culprit Behind It All.
It Was A WATER BOTTLE.
Apparently, Bradley Got Thirsty In His Sleep.
He Reached His Water Bottle, Opened It, Possibly Took A Drink, And Then Proceeded To Roll Back Over Into Sleep.
So, My Peeps, I Was Very VERY Pissed At The Notion That I’d Pissed-Myself…
…And Simply Felt Like An Embarrassed-Fool Upon Realizing I Hadn’t Been PISSED ON.
Period.
That Was At 4AM’ish’ish.
It’s Now 5AM’is’ish.
So, Good Morning To You, My Peeps.
May Your Day Be Filed With Enjoyable Moments.
I Won’t. I’m Seeing The Dentist, Today.
I Never Leave There With A Smile, That’s Fo SHO.
Dammit. 😦
Anyway, You Kids…
…Have A Damned Decent Day Out There. 😀
Well, Again, Here I Am. But Do I Bring Anything New To The Table???
The Likely Answer Is NO.
Nothing New Has Happened.
Nothing New Ever Happens That’s Honestly Worth Mentioning.
Just Wide Awake At This Ungodly Hour.
One Would Think I’d Be Used To It By Now.
Sadly…
(...Or Not So Sadly...)
…I’m Not Used To It.
Never Have Been.
Never Will Be.
I Just Wanted To Apologize, My Peeps.
Apologize For My Recent Behavior.
I May Be A Dweller, Yes…
…But That Doesn’t Mean I Have To Take It Out Here.
Out In The Open, As I Have.
A Love Life…
(...Or Lack Of One...)
…Should Always Be Handled In A Much More Private Manner.
I Haven’t Done As Such.
I’ve Made My Issues Public.
But I’m A Writer.
Writers Write.
I So Express Myself Better In This Way.
Always Have.
When It Comes To Talking, I Generally Stay Quiet.
Generally.
I Fumble My Words, Otherwise.
At Least This Way I Have More Control.
Or, At Least, I Feel I Do.
… …
I’ve Talked Recently Of Wanting.
Of Needing.
Things I Must Have.
Things I Wish I Had.
Things I Know I’ll Never Ever Never Ever Ever Possess.
And What Good Has Come From Any Of It?
Not A Goddamn Bit, That’s What.
I Just Feel Like Me.
Feeling More Isolated.
Feeling More Alone.
Feeling More Hopeless.
Feeling More Helpless.
I Just Don’t Know, My Peeps.
I Don’t Know What To Do.
I Don’t Know What To Say.
I Don’t Know What To Write.
It’s Not Like There’s A Lack Of Material.
Oh, Heavens No.
I Could Write And Write, Seemingly Forever, If I So Chose.
But I Don’t.
And So…
…I Don’t.
I Suppose I’m Just Hopping With Anticipation.
I Want To Know What’s Wrong With Me.
I Want To Really REALLY Know.
The Coming MRI Seems To Be My Best Bet For Finding Any Answers.
The Problem I’m Having Is…
“What Do I Do If They Don’t Find What They’re Looking For?“
Do I Just Carry On…
…Happy The Test Says I’m Healthy?
To ME…
…That Would Seem Like A Failure.
Like A Waste Of Time, Effort, Money, Resources, Etc Etc.
I’m Not Saying I Want Them To Find Something.
I’m Saying I Hope It Tells Them What They Want To Know.
Because If It Doesn’t, I’m Totally Up-Shit-Creek.
I’m Tired.
I’m So Very Tired.
I Wish I Could Sleep.
Anticipation Is Amazingly Wonderful, Sometimes.
Other Times, It’s Just A Big Ole Bitch.
And I Still Have Two More Days To Wait.
Two More Days Of Anticipation.
Two More Days Of Deeply Seeded Want.
I Must Have This Test.
I Sincerely NEED This Test.
I Suppose I’m Just Scared.
That’s The Best Answer I Can Come Up With, At The Moment.
There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Scared…
…It Just Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Interfere With Day-T0-Day Existence.
It’s Too Powerful.
Fear.
But, What Am I Afraid Of?
I Wish I Knew.
Any Thoughts, My Peeps?
Perhaps I’m Just Scared They Really Wont Find What They’re Looking For?
? ? ?
I Suppose I’m Just Getting Tired Of Tests.
I’ve Had Plenty.
Undoubtedly…
…I’ll Have Plenty More With Time.
So…
…Here I Am.
Well…
…Here I Am AGAIN.
Do I Bring Anything New To The Table?
No.
Do I Further The Discussion?
No.
So What Do I Do?
I Sit Here.
I Write.
While Others Are Sleeping…
…Here I Am.
While Others Are Working…
…Here I Am.
While Others Are Out Having Fun…
…Here I Am.
And What Good Has Come From It?
Not A Goddamn Bit, That’s What.
This Is More Therapy Than Anything Else.
Writing Quiets My Mind.
It Allows Me To Center My Thoughts.
Even Though They May Come-Out As A Jumbled Mess…
…That’s Sincerely Not The Intention.
Surely Not.
Maybe I Just Need Sleep.
Trust Me, My Peeps…
…I Would If I Could.
I Surely Would.
But I Can’t.
So I’m Not.
Period.
“Two Things Only, A Man Cannot Hide…”
“…That He Is Drunk, And That He Is In Love.”
—ANTIPHANES
-{{c.408 B.C. – c.334 B.C.}}-
-{{{WRITER}}}-
-{{{HUMORIST)}}-
The Ole Double Feature: “HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL” (1959 and 1999)
So…
…What Can I Tell You About This Double Feature?
Hmm.
Well…
…I Can Tell You The Best Part Of BOTH Flicks.
The Best Part About…
“HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL“
(The 1959 Version)
…Is…
VINCENT PRICE
…Being…
VINCENT PRICE
!!! !!! !!!
The Best Part About…
“HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL“
(The 1999 Version)
…Is…
GEOFFREY RUSH
…Doing His Best At Being…
VINCENT PRICE
!!! !!! !!!
Honestly, That’s It, My Peeps.
They’re Both Cheesy-Fun Flicks.
Neither Of Them Are What I Would Call A True-Blue-Classics…
…But They’re Cheesy-Fun, Nevertheless.
*** *** ***
The Plot To Both Films Is Basically The Same.
An Eccentric Millionaire Invites People To Spend The Night In A So-Called “Haunted Place” With The Promise Of A Payday For All Whom Can Stay The Entire Night AND Survive.
The Only Real Difference Is The Monetary Value.
In 1959, They Get $10,000.00
In 1999, They Get $1,000,000.00
Okay Okay, And There’s One More HUGE Difference…
…The SPECIAL EFFECTS.
In 1959…
…Well…
…Sheesh People, It Was 1959.
In 1999, However, They Go Balls-In To Make It As Graphic As Possible.
Needless To Say, It’s The Effects That Sell The 1999 Version.
For The 1959 Version, It’s The Suspense AND The Mood.
Well…
…And 1959 Had…
VINCENT PRICE
…While 1999 Had…
GEOFFREY RUSH
…Both Of Whom Have So Much Fun Playing Their Parts.
*** *** ***
Since I Didn’t Own Either Of Them At The Time…
…Though I’d Seen Them Both Many Times…
…I Decided To Drop My $5 On This Little Double Feature DVD.
Honestly…
…I Consider It $5 VERY WELL SPENT, My Peeps.
Cheesy-Fun Can Be Almost Priceless, Itself.
Wouldn’t You Agree???
SURE YOU WOULD!!!
So, Please, Trust Me When I Say…
“HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL“
…Both The 1959 AND 1999 Versions…
…Are At Least Worth A Look If Cheesy-Fun Horror Is Your Thing.
You Already KNOW It’s MY Thing!
😉
Keep Your Friday Rollin’, My Peeps.
Here’s To Hoping The Day Treats Y’all Well.
If It Doesn’t???
Well…
…Hmm…
…At Least Tomorrow Is SATURDAY!
😀
“We Had All Rather Associate…”
“…With A Good Humored, Light-Principled Man Than With An Ill Tempered Rigorist In Morality.“
—THOMAS JEFFERSON
(1743–1826)
–OUR 3RD PRESIDENT Of THE UNITED STATES Of AMERICA–
–He Served From 1801 To 1809–
“HUMOR…”
“…Is REASON Gone MAD!”
—GROUCHO MARX
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