“Our Doubts Are Traitors, And Make Us Lose The Good We Oft Might Win By Fearing To Attempt.“
—WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
((1564–1616))
*** *** ***
Yep.
That’s How.
And, He’s Exceptionally Correct.
As Humans, It’s A Given That Doubts Will Exist In The Minds AND Hearts Of Us All At Some Point.
I Feel I’ve Missed Out On A Lot In My Life Because Of My Personal Doubts.
At Times, Yes, They’ve Been An Asset.
I Can’t Deny That, And I Won’t Even Begin Trying To Do So.
BUT…
…Most Of The Time, They’ve Been The Furthest Thing From An Asset.
Potential Jobs…
…Potential Money…
…Potential Friends…
…Potential Lovers…
…Potential Sexual-Encounters…
…Etc Etc Etc…
…All Washed Away Because Of Untimely Doubts.
It’s Happened So Often, In Fact, I Often Feel As If My Doubts In Life Have RULED Said Life.
I’m Not Saying Having Doubts Are A Bad Thing.
I’m Just Saying I’ve Had More Than My Fair Share.
Sadly, FAIR And LIFE Hardly EVER Jive TOGETHER.
I’m Not Me Being A “Negative Nancy” Or Anything Of The Sort.
It’s Simply A Life-Fact.
PERIOD.
It’s At Times Like These That I Sincerely Wish I Had Faith To Fall-Back-On.
I Know People Of Faith Have Doubts, They’re Simply Of A Different Type.
Those Folks Feel Their Faith Is Something Like A Shield.
They Live, As I Believe, In A World Of Ignorant Bliss.
Regardless Of What Happens In Their Collective Worlds…
…They Always Have Their Imagined Fall-Back-Position.
“The Lord Shall Provide.”
Nonsense Like That.
I Simply Can’t Do It.
Someone Mentions Faith To Me, And I Either Want To Laugh At Them…
…Or Punch Them In Their “Lordly Provided” Jaw.
I’m Not A Violent Man.
At Lest…
…Not Outwardly.
On The Inside?
Well…
…I’m Not Going To Get Into What Sort Of Man I Am On The Inside.
I Don’t Need To Say It.
You Don’t Need To Hear It.
If You’ve Read Me Long Enough, You Already Know.
If You’ve NOT Read Me For Very Long…
…Well…
…I’ll Just Use The Term “Overly Aggressive” And Leave It Lie There.
My Point, Is That I Am Both Repulsed By Them…
…Just As I Am Envious Of Them.
But, I’d Rather Be Wracked With Doubt Than To Be A Devout Follower Of An Unprovable (by any stretch of it) “Truth”.
My Life Has Had Its Ups AND Downs.
Just Like The Rest Of You.
Except, At The End Of The Day, I Don’t Feel The Lifting Of The Doubts I’ve Suffered.
Quite The Contrary.
I’m Riddled With Doubts.
My Mind Is A Torrent.
My Heart Is Heavy.
My Life Is A Shambles.
My World Doesn’t Appreciate Me.
I Simply Am.
I Am Me.
I’m Still Here Because My Life Has Had Brief Intermissions.
Red Flags.
Moments That Tell Me…
“Dude, This Isn’t A Good Idea.”
“Dude, Your Thinking Is Muddled.”
“Dude, Do You Really Want To Eat That Microwave Burrito?”
“Dude, How Can You Ever Have Faith In Something You’ve Never Believed To Begin With??”
“Dude, Did You Just Grab My Ass???”
They’re All The Same.
Ideas…
…Thinking…
…Burritos…
…Faith…
…Ass-Grabbing…
…They’re ALL The Same.
At Least, I Think Of Them In The Same Breath.
The Worst Doubt Of All, However, Is The Doubt Of Oneself.
Of That, I Am Most Assuredly Guilty.
Sadly…
…I Don’t See That Changing Anytime Soon.
Actually, I Don’t See That EVER Changing.
Once The Doubts Enter The Mind…
…Once The Doubts Make A Happy (or unhappy) Home For Themselves…
…Honestly…
…You’re Fu*ked.
One Doubt Begets Another, Begets Another, Begets Another.
It Becomes A Viscous Cycle.
It’s An Endless Circle.
It Hits Once…
…And Then Shortly Thereafter It Hits Again.
You Begin To Question AND Doubt EVERYTHING.
Who Are Really Your Friends?
Who Are Those That Truly Love You?
Who Are Those You Can Honestly, Truly Trust?
Who The Hell Are YOU?
Who The Hell Am I?
Sadly (yet again)…
…One Never Truly Knows.
One Can’t Truly Know.
One Has No F-in’ Clue What Truly Is In The Heart, Or Mind, Of Another.
We See What They Present To Us.
We See What We THINK We See.
But, Is Any Of It Truly, Truly Honest AND Correct AND Sincere?
I Don’t Know.
I Just Know I’m Doubtful.
Extremely Doubtful.
"You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" 