Engaged Twice… …But Still Single.

That’s Right, My Peeps.

Yours Truly Has Been Ready To Tie-The-Knot…

Not ONCE

But TWICE.

At Least, I’ve Asked Two Different People To Marry Me.

The First Was An Impossibility.

She Knew It.

I Knew It.

But, It Happened Nevertheless.

Is She Better-Off Without Me?

Oh, Most Definitely.

She Was Younger.

She Was Hotter.

She Was A Jock.

Yet, She Was So Tender AND Loving.

She Lit-Up A Room Upon Entering.

She Made Everyone Smile.

She Made My Friends Pat Me On The Back Saying…

Well Done, Sir. Well Done, Indeed.

As It Turned-Out, However, I Was NOT What She Was Looking For.

The Engagement…

…Which Was Made Through A Phone-Call…

…Lasted Almost Exactly TWO (2) Months.

Not A Lot Of Time, I Grant That.

But Those Were Two Very Special Months.

For The First Time In My Life, I Sincerely Felt As Though I Belonged.

I Had The Gal Of My Dreams, And Nothing Was Going To Take That Away From Me.

Nothing Except Her, Of Course.

She Broke-Off The Engagement.

That Part Stung A Bit, But I Understood.

Just THREE (3) Days Later, However, She Broke-Off The Entire Relationship.

That Part Stung More Than A Bit.

It Was The Only Time In My Life I Could Easily Say I Felt Something For A Member Of The Fairer-Sex.

After She And I Ended Our Union, I Totally Gave-Up On Trying To Date Women.

I Could Never Do Better Than Her, That’s Fo SHO.

When You’ve Had The Best, Why Deal With The Rest?

Of Course, While She And I Were On-The-Rocks, I Was Also Seeing A Fellow Shipmate On The Side.

He Was Slightly My Elder.

He Was Slightly Taller.

He Was Slightly More Attractive.

He Was Priceless, Honestly.

When I Told Him My Girl Had Finally Become Fed-Up With The Whole “Long Distance” Thing, His Response Was Muted.

Well, Hell, It Happens.

That Was The Most I Could Get Out Of Him In This Regard.

He Knew I Wasn’t Like The Rest.

He Knew That, While Personally Disheartening, The Break-Up Wouldn’t Do Much Harm.

He Knew What I Was.

I Didn’t.

But, He Did.

I Was Still In My Total Denial Phase.

You’ve Been Through One, Before.

We All Have.

Not About The Same Thing, No…

…But About Something.

There’s Always A Part Of Ourselves We’re Not Pleased With.

Something We Deny, And Continue To Deny.

We’ll Deny It Until We’re Forced To Do Otherwise.

It Took Another TWO (2) YEARS Before I Finally Came To Grips With My Denial.

I Maintained It As Long As I Could.

I Fought A Good Fight.

In The End…

…I Lost The Battle To Myself.

Hey, It Happens.

Such Is Life.

The Second Time I Was Engaged, The Circumstances Were Much, MUCH Different.

This Was Someone I’d Dated A While.

A Long While.

BUT…

…I Knew I Was Ready.

I Knew Whom I Wanted…

…And Exactly What I Wanted.

So, I Asked.

And He Said “YES“!!!

I Was Shocked AND Amazed.

I Didn’t Expect The “YES“, Actually.

I Expected The “Well, You’re A Great Guy, BUT…” Speech.

But, That Didn’t Happen.

Instead, I Was Suddenly Engaged For The Second Time.

Except, This Time, I Was Simply Sure Sure SURE It Was Going To Work-Out.

We’d Been Together For Over 2-Years At That Point.

It Felt Like A Very Safe Bet, And I Was Ready.

I Was Ready To Take The Plunge And Simply Go For It.

It Wasn’t Long Afterward The Proverbial Rug Was Ripped From Under Me.

He Broke-Off The Engagement…

…And Then The Relationship.

I Wanted To Cry.

I Wanted To Show How Much It Hurt.

But, I Didn’t.

I Just Sucked-It-Up.

I Carried-On.

I Will Say This…

…If I Ever Need To Escape A Relationship…

…All I Really Need To Do Is Ask The Person To Marry Me.

In Fact, I’d Likely Be Single Again Before The End Of The Day.

Is It Me?

Am I The Reason They Duck-Out?

Or, Is It Something Else?

Perhaps It’s Thoughts Of The Future?

Our Future?

Could YOU Handle Marrying Someone You Already Knew Had Mental Difficulties???

That Could Turn-Out To Be The Question Of The Day.

Could YOU Handle It, My Peeps?

Could YOU See Yourself Loving Someone Like That?

Someone Who Spends Most Of His Time In A Dark, Sullen Mood?

Someone Who Always Sees The Negative BEFORE He Sees Anything Positive?

Could You?

Could You Handle It?

It’s A Valid Question, My Peeps.

It’s One Where I’m Very, VERY Curious About The Answer.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Does Life Get Any Easier After A Difficult Admission?!?

In Short…

Maybe?

It’s Very New To Me, So I’m Still Trying To Handle It.

I Risked A Lot, I Believe.

I Risked Losing One Of The Very Best People I Know, Simply Because I Found I Cared For Them Much More Than I’d Ever Expected To.

How Do You Tell Someone You Love That You Really Do Love Them, Knowing Ahead Of Time The Best Response You’re Bound To Receive Is I Know???

It’s Not Easy.

Not By Any Stretch Of The Imagination.

In Fact, At The Time, It Was Painful.

I Just Had A Feeling It Wasn’t Going To Go Over Well.

Honestly, I Expected It To Go Over Like A Turd In The Punch-Bowl.

Lucky For Me, The Person I’m Speaking Of Cared More About Our Friendship Than Even I Knew.

I Did Get The I Know But I Also Got An It’s Alright And An I Understand

…Neither Of Which Was I Honestly Expecting.

I Just Knew I Was About To Lose Someone Very Important To Me Because I Cared About Them Way Too Much.

But, I Didn’t.

I Didn’t Lose Them.

In Fact, I Think Our Bond Will Be Even Stronger.

Now That They Know How I Feel, I Don’t Feel The Enormous Weight Pressing Upon Me.

I Don’t Feel The Desperation.

The Want, The Need, To Just Say Something.

I Had Made The Choice To Suffer In Silence For A Long Time Over This.

Perhaps That Part Was A Mistake?

Maybe?

But, Honestly, I Don’t Think So.

I Think The Suffering Part Actually Helped.

Once I Was Finally Able To Work-Up The Courage To Say Something…

…I Went For It.

I Said It.

And I Made Sure I Was Understood.

Now That We’re All Clear On It, I Feel So Much Better.

Well, Better Than I Have For A While.

A Long While.

I’ve Made So Many Mistakes Along The Way.

Mistakes I Can Never Take Back, Nor Ever Be Forgiven For.

I’ve Hurt Some Important People In My Life, While I Was Struggling With My Own Pain And Hurting.

I Suppose One Could Say I Was Projecting My Anguish Onto Others?

I Was Making Others Suffer As I Suffered.

And I Can’t Justify It.

Not. A. Bit. Of. It.

So Now, I’m Left Wondering What The Next Step Is?

Where Do I Go From Here?

In All Honesty, My Peeps, I Haven’t The Foggiest.

I Know Life Will Never Be Easy…

But Perhaps Now It Will Be A Little Easier?

Maybe?

I’ll Take A “Maybe?” At This Point, Fo SHO!

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

πŸ˜‰

“All Great And Honorable Actions…”

Are Accomplished With Great Difficulties.

WILLIAM BRADFORD

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(15901657)

Former Governor Of PLYMOUTH COLONY

“Father” Of What We Now Call “Thanksgiving”

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