Random (Halloween’ish) Movie Mention: “TALES FROM THE CRYPT Presents: DEMON KNIGHT” (1994)

TALES FROM THE CRYPT

…Was/Is An All-Time Favorite Television Series Of Mine.

If You Don’t Know, It Used To Air New/Original Episodes On The HBO Network.

So When I’d Heard They Were Releasing A Big-Screen Adventure, I Was VERY Ready To Give It A Go.

I Was 14-Years-Old.

I’d Been A Huge Fan Of All Things Horror For About…

…Oh…

…Maybe Seven (7) Years, At That Point.

I’d Been Watching Horror (In Secret) For So Long By 1994…

…I Sincerely Can’t Be Sure How Long It Had Been Going On.

I Was Addicted To A Programing Setup Called…

USA: UP-ALL-NIGHT

…On The USA Network.

Anyone Remember That Stuff?

Anyone?!

(*counts hands*)

COOL!

More Of Y’all Than I’d Expected!!

That’s GREAT!!!

Okay, YES…

…The USA Network Was AWESOME Back-In-The-Day.

Ms. RHONDA Used To Host It…

…And They Would Feature All-Sorts Of Horror Flicks.

Yeah, They Were Edited For Some Of The Most Extreme Content…

…But They Still Showed A Lot Of Stuff One Might Not Have Expected.

I Saw The “FRIDAY THE 13TH” Flicks For The First Time Thanks To The USA Network!

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ANYWAY…

…Sorry Was Drifting From The Point…

…But YES…

…I’ve Been A Horror/Thriller Geeky-Fanboy For A Very VERY Long Time.

OKAY…

…So In 1994, The Film…

TALES FROM THE CRYPT Presents: DEMON KNIGHT

…Was Released!!!

It Stars…

BILLY ZANE

WILLIAM SADLER

JADA PINKETT-SMITH

CCH POUNDER

THOMAS HADEN CHURCH

…And An Assorted Selection Of “D-LIST” Celebrities.

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The Gist Of The Flick Is…

…There’s A Strange Drifter Named “BRAYKER” (WILLIAM SADLER), And He’s On The Run.

He’s Attempting To Evade “THE COLLECTOR” (BILLY ZANE).

So…

…”BRAYKER” Finds His Way To A Run-Down Boarding-House To Hold-Up And Catch His Breath.

This Said Boarding-House Is Inhabited By An Odd Motley-Misha-Mash Of Other Really Strange People.

“BRAYKER” Knows He Can’t Run Forever, And “THE COLLECTOR” Eventually Makes His Way To This Boarding-House.

You See…

…”BRAYKER” Is In Possession Of A Key.

It’s The Last Of SEVEN (7) Keys.

The Said SEVEN (7) Keys Are Religious Artifacts That Protect Humanity From The Forces Of EVIL!

And Now You Know What “THE COLLECTOR” Is Truly After.

It’s Not “BRAYKER” He Really Wants…

…It’s The KEY!

When The Forces Of GOOD And EVIL Collide Here In Our Boarding-House…

…WHOA…

…We’re Talking PRIMO-HORROR-DELIGHT!!!

So What’s Gonna Happen?!

?!?!?

Now You Kids Know Good-And-Hell-Well I’m Not Gonna Tell You!!

It Would SPOIL THE FUN, And I Simply HATE Spoilers!!

If You’re Curious…

…Why Don’t You Just Check-It-Out!!!

Go Ahead, I’ll Wait Right Here.

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YES, My Peeps…

…I’m Not Joking When I Say This…

…I Truly Truly DO Enjoy Watching This Flick.

Period.

The Peeps At “TALES FROM THE CRYPT” Sure Did Make It A Damn Fun Flick, Fo SHO!!!

This Flick Also Has A KILLER Of A Soundtrack, Featuring Songs From…

PANTERA

MEGADETH

ROLLINS BAND

MINISTRY

…And MORE!!!

Is This One I’d Recommend To Y’all?!

Well…

…If You Have A Stout Stomach…

…Then YES!!

(*teehehehe*)

It’s Pretty Damned Cool, Actually.

It Has A Nifty Melding Of HORROR And DARK-COMEDY That Could Potentially Delight You.

I Know It Did So For Me!

So Give This One A GO, Kiddies!

I Think You’ll Have Fun!

I Know I Did!

I Know Everyone I’ve Discussed This Flick With Did.

So The Odds Are In YOUR Favor!!!

How Often Does THAT Happen, My Peeps?!

EXACTLY!!

No Bloody Often Enough!!

I Do Hope You Enjoy This Little…

DEADTIME STORY

…As The “CRYPT KEEPER” Would Say!!!

(*MMMUHAHAHAHAHAHA!*)

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What’s On NOW?!: “RAVENOUS” (1999)

This Flm…

RAVENOUS

…Was The Barer Of TWO Distinct Taglines That Both Together Entirely Sum-Up This Little 1999 Gem Of A Horror/Suspense/Thriller Flick.

1ST: "YOU ARE WHO YOU EAT"

…and…

2ND: "SURVIVAL IS THE ONLY OPTION"

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Starring…

GUY PEARCE

&

ROBERT CARLYLE

&

JEFFREY JONES

&

DAVID ARQUETTE

…This Film Follows The Exploits Of The Inhabitants Of An Isolated Military Outpost In The California Wilderness.

Things Are Simple Here At Fort Spencer.

Quiet.

COLD.

That Is Until A Stranger Arrives With An Almost Unbelievable Story About His Wagon-Train Being Lost In The Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Eventually, He’ll Tell Of The Unspeakable…

…That The Members Of His Wagon-Train-Party Had To Turn To Cannibalism Just To Survive The Harsh Winter.

Once The Men Of Fort Spencer Head Outward Into The Wild To Try Finding This Ill-Fated Group Of Weary Travelers…

…It Becomes Very Apparent That They’ve Bitten-Off More Than They Can Chew.

(pun VERY MUCH intended, my peeps)

Men Start Dying Off Left And Right, And It Quickly Becomes A Game Of Pure Survival!

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Now You Know Me, My Peeps.

You Know I Simply Cannot Stand Spoilers.

So I’m Not Going To Spoil This One For You.

HOWEVER…

…Since It Is The Witching Season, With Halloween Just Weeks Away…

…I’m Quietly Letting Y’all Know…

RAVENOUS

…Is Simply A Film That Got A Bum-Rep When It Premiered In 1999.

It Cost Just Over $12Million To Make…

…Yet Barely Made More Than $2Million At The Box-Office.

In Other Words…

…It Was A HUGE Flop.

And That Makes Me Sad, Yo.

It’s Actually Quite A Fun Little Horror Flick.

Is It The Best Flick Ever?

No.

Is It The Best Flick To Come-Out In 1999?

No.

Is It A Flick Totally Worthy Of Your Viewing?

Yes.

If You’re Looking For Something Fun…

…Something That’s Supposed To Be A Classic Horror Flick But Really Ends-Up Feeling More Like A Dark Comedy…

…Then You Seriously Could Do A Lot Worse Than…

RAVENOUS

…Fo SHO Fo SHO, My Peeps!!!

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So Why Not Give It A Go, Yo?!

The Only Thing You’re Really Giving-Up Is A Little Less Than 2-Hours Of Your Life.

Who Knows

You Might Just Like It!

I Sure Did.

And I Hope You Do, Also.

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Random’ish Movie Mention: “MIAMI BLUES” (1990)

Can AΒ OFF-BEAT DARK-COMEDY Also Be A CRIME-DRAMA ACTION-THRILLER???

Actually…

…YES…

…They CAN Be!!!

How Do I Know This???

Because I’ve Seen…

MIAMI BLUES

…That’s Why!!!

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(1990)

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MIAMI BLUES

…Stars…

ALEC BALDWIN

&

FRED WARD

&

JENNIFER JASON LEIGH

…And…

…Was Written For The Screen AND Directed By…

GEORGE ARMITAGE

(He's A Director You Likely Don't Know, But He Also Did Another Personal Fave You May Know Called "GROSSE POINTE BLANK" Which Starred JOHN CUSACK)

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ALEC BALDWIN

…Is…

FREDERICK J. FRENGER JR.

…AKA…

JUNIOR

…A Recently Released Criminal Who’s Now In The City Of MIAMI.

His Plan?

Honestly…

…We’re Not Totally Sure He Even has A Plan Plan Plan-Type Plan.

What We Quickly Discover, However…

…Is…

…He’s A Thief…

…He’s Brutal…

…He’s Charming…

…And He’s NOT Afraid To Do What He Has To Do In Order Survive…

…Including A City-Wide CRIME SPREE!!!

JENNIFER JASON LEIGH

…Is…

SUSAN WAGGONER

…AKA…

SUSIE

…A Young Prostitute AND College Student Who Already Lives In Good Ole MIAMI…

…Who Ends-Up Hooking-Up With Her Latest “Client”…

JUNIOR

…And Eventually Marrying Him.

FRED WARD

…Is…

HOKE MOSELEY

…The Police Sergeant Who’s Hot On The Trail Of…

JUNIOR

…And Who Begins Trying To Enlist The Help Of…

SUSIE

…In Order To Aide In His Investigation.

The Results???

HAHAHA

WOW!!!

It’s A Flick Where You Laugh When You Should Laugh…

…And Cringe When You Should Cringe.

It’s Also TOTALLY OFF-THE-HOOK FUN!!!

The Character Of…

JUNIOR

…Is Equally OFF-THE-HOOK…

…And TOTALLY OVER-THE-TOP And CRAZY-ASS-CRAZY!!!

HONESTLY And TRULY, My Peeps…

…This Is THE PERFORMANCE To End ALL PERFORMANCES From…

ALEC BALDWIN

…Without Question.

.PERIOD.

He Is SHOCKINGLY-GREAT In…

MIAMI BLUES

…And He Is The BIGGEST REASON This Flick Works As Well As It Does.

I’ve Never Been The Biggest Fan Of…

ALEC BALDWIN

(Nor Any Of The Other Mr. BALDWIN's)

…But This Flick Brings-Out The VERY BEST He Has To Offer.

You Can Take That However You Wanna…

…Provided We’re Clear About His Potency In This One.

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So, My Peeps…

…Why Not Give This Flick A Gander?

It’s Fun.

It’s Funny.

It’s Crazy.

It’s Off-Beat.

It’s Brutal.

It’s Violent.

It’s THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE!!!

If You’ve Trusted Me This Far Along The Proverbial Trail…

…Then You Should Continue Doing So.

I Promise, My Peeps…

…I Shant Lead Y’all Astray!!!

Well…

…Not Tooooo Far Astray, We’ll Say That.

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Have A Grand Day, Kiddies.

Do Your Best To Be At Your Best.

Why?

Because No One Else Can Be Your Best For You.

THAT’S WHY!!!

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