Me & “Mr. Negative” Over Here…

…Wanted To Apologize For All The Negativity I’ve Spewed Of Late, My Peeps.

When Things Start Going Wrong For A Person, They Usually Do So In Rather LARGE Clumps.

Yes

…Some Have Said I’ve Been Waaaaay Too Harsh On Myself.

Maybe I Have.

Maybe I Haven’t.

Who’s To Say???

Exactly, My Peeps.

But, That’s Not My Current Point.

I’m Talking About My Negative Approach To…

…Ohhh…

…99.993% Of My Recent Life?!

(((Give Or Take A % Or Two.)))

That Part Is Totally MY BAD.

It Hasn’t Always Been That Way, As You’re Well Award.

I Can BE Negative.

I Am NOT Always This “MR. NEGATIVE” Creature.

Lately…

…”MR. NEGATIVE” Is All I’ve Been, Though.

It Hasn’t Mattered What It Was…

…Chances Are It PISSED ME OFF.

It’s For THAT, And Mainly That Alone, I’m Really Sorry.

I Can’t Be Sorry For What I Said.

They Were Honest Expressions Of The Moment’s Emotions.

I Can Regret Them…

…But I Can’t Truly Be Sorry For Them.

I Meant Them.

SO

What Have I Learned From This???

Well, I Hate Exterior Drama And How It Perpetuates Itself.

I Create Enough Drama For Myself.

I’m Evidence Of That.

Ain’t That A BIG FO SHO.

: /

It’s Just Life, Kids.

I Know You Understand My Jive.

It’s Not Set.

Sometimes, I Fu*k-It-Up.

You Do It.

YOU DO!

You Could Slow Life Down To The Millisecond, And You’d Still Find A Way To Fu*k-It-Up!

YOU WOULD!

That’s How Life Works.

Goin’ Good…

…Goin’ Good…

Dammit

…Goin’ Good…

…Goin’ Good…

Dammit

Dammit

DAMMIT!

It Never Fails.

Since I Had The Option, I Blogged During My Issues.

Smart Idea?

???

The Jury Is Still Out On This One, Judge(s).

BUT, I Remain Hopeful.

😉

I Often Refer To My Blog As An Evolution.

It Is.

I’m Constantly Growing As A Blogger…

…And I Try To Learn More From BOTH My Successes AND My Failures.

Needless To Say…

(((Though I'm Going To Say It)))

…I’m Still Learning.

I’m Finding More And More Folks Seem To Care About My Work When I’m Cranking Out Quotes, Or I’m Discussing Personal Drama.

I’m Not Really Sure How To Take That.

Not YET, Anyway.

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

Do You OVER Apologize?!?

Why Do I Always Feel The Need To Apologize So Much?

I Mean, I Do It A Lot.

Like, A Lot A Lot.

I Apologize For Things I Do.

I Apologize For Things I Say.

I Apologize For Things I Did Long Ago.

I Apologize For Things I Said Long Ago.

Apologize. Apologize. Apologize.

I Apologize For Things People Have Done To Themselves.

I Apologize For Things That Others Have Done To Others.

Is It Because I’m Sorry?

Or, Is It Just A Reflex Action?

Do I Do It Because I Really Care?

Or, Do I Do It So I’ll Appear To Care?

OR, Do I Do It Because I Care AND Want To Appear To Care?

Honestly…

…I Don’t Know.

At Least, Not Always.

I Think I’m Just Scared Of NOT Appearing That I’m Sorry, Whether I’m Really Sorry Or Not.

But Sometimes, I’m Dreadfully Sorry And Find It Difficult To Keep From Apologizing.

I Do It Once.

I Do It Twice.

Oops, There Goes A Third Time.

All Of A Sudden, The Person I’m Apologizing To Is Pissed About My String Of Apologies.

Now I’ve Got Someone Upset With Me Because I Was Simply Tooooo Sorry.

Dammit.

I’m Sorry.

😐

So... Are YOU Jivin Me -questionmark-

First Of All, I Apologize…

…Secondly…

…Well…

…I Don’t Know What Secondly Is.

Just Know I’m Sorry.

I’ve Been Laid-Up For The Past Few Days.

Nauseated…

…Pukey…

…Feeling Like Warmed Over Asshole.

I Tried To Go For A Walk Today…

…The First Time I’d Ventured Out And About Since Thursday.

All It Got Me Was Weaker.

I’ve Dropped 12-Pounds In The The Past 3-Days.

I Can’t Eat.

I Can’t Drink.

I Can’t Anything.

I Just Lay Here.

Feeling Sorry.

The One Time I Get Invited To Spend Time With My Friends…

…I End Up Having To Bow Out Because I Can Hardly Lift Me Head.

And That Just  Makes Me Worse.

I Miss My Friends.

I Miss Them Like You Wouldn’t Believe.

I Talk To Them…

…And Yet…

…I Can’t See Them.

Talk About A Real Pisser.

It’s Very VERY Rare That My Friends Want To Spend Time With Me.

Very Rare Indeed.

Yet They Give Me A Chance…

…And  I Bow It.

😦

I’m Simply Beside Myself.

I Haven’t Blogged In Days.

I Haven’t Seen Anyone In Days.

I Just Wanna Go Back To Bed, But I Felt I Must Get Something Out There.

I Need Something To Motivate Me.

But This Isn’t Doing It.

It’s Taking Me Forever Just To Get This Far.

What’s Wrong With Me?

Why Must I Always Get Sick Around The Holidays?

Happens Every Year.

I’d Writer More, But I Don’t Have The Energy.

I’m Weak.

I’m Tired.

I Feel Useless.

I Don’t Feel Like I Can Continue.

I Just Wanna Lay Down.

Lay Down And Drop Another 5-Pounds Or So.

Help Me, My Peeps.

Help Me Get My Strength Back.

Help Me Get Vitality Back.

Help Me.

Help, Please.

I Need It.

I Want It.

It’s A Must Have.

I Want To Spend Time With My Friends.

I Want To Be Among The World.

I Want To Be Out And About In The World.

I Just Can’t Be.

😦

I Wanna Feel Good, Again.

I Wanna Feel Like I’m Productive, Again.

I Wanna…

…I Wanna…

…I Wanna.

What’s Wrong With Me?

In Those Immortal Lyrics… “What Else Should I Be… All Apologies…”

Good Morning, My Peeps, And Thank You NIRVANA.

As You’ve Noticed Of Late…

I’ve Been Slacking.

I’ve Not Been Posting Like My Mad, Crazy Self.

I’d Like To Continue Blaming It On The Pain I’m In…

…But That Would Seem, To Me, To Be An Easy Cop-Out.

I Am In Pain.

There’s No Getting Around That.

But I Shouldn’t Be Letting It Affect My Work As It Has Been…

…Or…

…More Correctly…

…As I Have Been.

I Hate Pain.

Hate It To Death.

Why?

Because It’s Something We Have

And We Have No Choice But To Suffer Through It.

I Mean…

…Sure…

…There’s Always An Easier Plan.

Ending Personal Pain Is An Instrumental Part Of The “Easier Plan” But It’s Just Not Something I Have The Will To Do.

Especially In This Instance.

Not When I Know I’m On The Mend.

Knowing That Each Day Will Be Slightly Better, And Slightly Better Still.

I Just Hate Pain.

Regardless Of How It Is Dispensed.

Regardless Of Anything.

I Just Hate Pain.

But Getting Back To The Point Of This Bloggin’ing…

I’m SORRY, My Peeps.

I’m Sorry I’ve Been Slack In My Duties Here

And I’m SORRY For My Lame Excuses As To WHY I’ve Been Slacking.

In Truth…

…There’s No Good Reason.

I Have My Responsibilities….

…Just Like The Rest Of Y’all Do.

So I Shall Do My Best Not To Let It Happen Again.

Regardless Of Pain, Or Any Other Type Of Personal Distractions…

…I Have A Responsibility To MYSELF And To Y’ALL.

THANK YOU For Sticking With Me Through All Of This Happy Horseshit.

I Will Be Better Better.

And I Won’t Let The BS Going On Around Me To Distract Me From Bringing Fun Bloggin’ings And Such To Y’all.

In The Meantime

…Y’all Please Continue To Take Care, And To Take Care Of Each-Other.

I Shant Be Too Far Away, That’s A Big FO SHO.

Now Let’s Kick This Pig And Let The Day Truly Begin.

It’s Good Ole Monday Morning…

…So Y’all Are Going To Be In Some Serious Need Of My Services.

And I Believe I’m Up To The Challenge.

😀

Y’all Take It Easy

…And…

If It’s Easy

Take It AGAIN!!!

😉

😀

A Disaster I Wish I Could Forget… …But That’ll Never Happen.

I Tried.

I Really REALLY Tried.

I Should Have Just Told My Friends I Couldn’t Make It.

But I Didn’t.

I Tried To Make It Work.

And I Failed.

I Failed Horridly.

I Felt Bad Before I Failed.

Now…

…It’s Over And Done With And Just Needs To Be Forgotten…

…And That’s Simply Impossible.

Being Ill Is One Thing.

Being Ill In Front Of A Bunch Of People…

…People That Just Judge Judge Judge Me…

…With Those Darting, Piercing Eyes…

…Made Me Feel Amazingly Awful.

It Was My Fault, Though.

I Could Have Called It Off.

I Could Have Relented And Said…

"Sorry, I Can't Quite Make It, Tonight."

I Could Have…

…But Didn’t.

I Pressed Onward.

I Went For It.

All Because I Wanted To See Someone.

But I Believe I Made A Tragic Mistake.

I Just Shouldn’t Have Gone.

I Wasn’t Right, And I Knew It.

Sheesh.

The Things Lonely People Do When They Get A Chance To Spend Time With Others They Care About.

Others That Get Them.

Others That Understand Them.

Others That Know How Hard It Was For Me To Even Show-Up.

It Was Just A Bad Night.

The Stars Weren’t Aligned Correctly, Or Something.

I Have No Freakin’ Clue.

But I Did Try.

I Gave It A Go.

I Tried To Make It Work.

In The End…

…It Didn’t Work At All.

I Just Want To Apologize.

And I Want To Keep Apologizing.

I’m Sorry.

And I’m Sorry I’m Being So Sorry.

Where’s That Damned “DO OVER” Button I Requested?!

It’s Probably Misaligned, Too.

Like Those Damned “PHASE INDUCERS” That Keep Going-Out On Me!

But I’ll Be Better.

I Won’t Always Feel So Sorry.

I Won’t Always Have To Feel Sorry About Being So Sorry.

I’ll Be Better.

And Then…

…Hmm…

…Then I’ll Likely Get Stuck In Reflection Mode.

Everyone Else Will Get Over The Sorry Shit.

But I Won’t.

I’ll Be Better, But I Won’t Be Able To Let Go Of What Happened Before I Was Better.

I’ll Think.

I’ll Ponder.

I’ll Reflect.

And Then I’ll Be Sorry All Over Again.

Shit Perpetuates Itself.

That’s A Sad Fact Of Life For A Lot Of Us, I Know.

Hell, Maybe All Of Us.

I Could Tell I Wasn’t The Only One Having A Bad Night.

I Just Kept Worrying That I Was The Cause.

I Might Have Been, I Don’t Know.

But I Know I Was An Integral Component.

But I’ll Be Better.

Next Week Will Be Better.

Hell, Hopefully It’ll Be Better Before Next Week.

I’d Take Better At Any Time It So Chooses To Grace Me With Attention.

It’ll Happen.

It Always Does, Eventually.

I Just Have To Remember To Relish In It When It Does Come.

It’ll Happen.

And I’ll Be Better.

And That’s A Promise.

And I’ll Do Everything In My Power To Keep Said Promise.

The Disaster Has Ended.

Time To Pick-Up And Carry-On.

 That’s What You’d Do, Right?!?

RIGHT!!!

:3