“…Ask Me What I Want… Easy That’s Just More… How Long Will I Wait For You… Twice As Long As I Did Before…” –DAVE GAHAN (“Dirty Sticky Floors” (2003))

“…Standing In The Freezing Snow

Maybe You Left

I Just Don’t Know

I’ll Soon Be Lying On My Own

On Some DIRTY STICKY FLOOR. …”

DIRTY STICKY FLOORSIs The Lead Track On DAVE GAHAN‘s 2003 Debut Solo AlbumPAPER MONSTERS!!!

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First-Off…

…I’m Am HUGELY IN LOVE With…

DIRTY STICKY FLOORS

by DAVE GAHAN

(aka "The Front-Man For DEPECHE MODE")

…And I Have No Issues With Showing It!!!

It’s A Phenomenal Little Number…

…And A Helluva Solo Debut Song!!!

It’s Exceptionally Memorable To Me For A Lot Of Reasons…

…Some Of Which I Can’t Touch-Upon Simply Because I Don’t Know How I’d Put It Into Words.

When This Album Debuted In 2003…

…Sheesh…

…What Can I Say?!?

2003 Was A Wildly Wild Wild WILD Year In My World.

And That’s Putting It Mildly Mild Mild MILD.

No Foolies, My Peeps.

2003 Saw An Ending To A Great Many Things For Me.

It Also Bore Some Of The Greatest Experiences Of My Meager Existence.

It’s Just So Personal.

I’m Struggling To Be Ambiguous…

…And Whishy-Washy…

…And Fog’ishly Foggy.

Relationship Bridges Burned.

Professional Bridges Burned.

I Blew Up The Friggin’ Engine In My Car.

But Only AFTER I’d Driven To Florida And Back With My Best Friend.

In Fact…

…He Was With Me When I Blew-Up The Engine A Few Weeks Later.

BUT…

…Getting To My Point…

…2003 Was The Year Of The Parties.

I Awoke Upon A Few Floors That Year.

But That Was Usually Because The Bed And Couch Was Already Occupied By Someone Worse-Off Than Myself.

So I Personally Justified Sleeping On The Floor…

…At Least…

…To Myself.

Before I Was A Hermit…

…I Was…

…Hmm…

…Very Much NOT A Hermit?

We’ll Go With “Very Much NOT A Hermit” In This Situation.

In Fact…

…I Was Your Classic…

…”Couch Cruiser”…

…Fo SHO.

But…

…Occasionally…

…The Floor Was Where I Found Myself In The Morning.

Though, I Only Recall One That Was Sticky.

The Rest Were All…

…Hmm…

…Linty?!

Goin’ With “Linty” Here.

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Well Not Everyone Had A Floor Upon Which There Was Potential For “Stickiness” And Such.

Most People Still Had Carpet Everywhere.

Some Even In The Head!

(Read "The Head" As "The Bathroom" In This Instance.)

Sheesh.

I’m Just Glad To Know I Wasn’t The Only One Going Through Some Of What I Was Going Through.

It Sure Didn’t Feel That Way Then…

…BUT…

…In Retrospect…

…I Think There Were Plenty Of Other Peeps Going Through The Bulk Of It All With Me.

Those People Are All Gone Now.

Save My Best Friend.

And He Just Doesn’t Live ’round Here, Anymore.

Probably A Smart Move On His Part, Fo SHO.

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DIRTY STICKY FLOORS

…Is An Homage To A Party-Past.

I Know Dear Ole…

DAVE GAHAN

…Is A Former Party PROFESSIONAL, And HOW!

So I’m Very Proud Of Him For Writing This One.

It Offers-Up A Glimpse Into Something Most People Would Just Rather Forget.

It Makes Me Smile For That Very Reason.

And For A Few Others, Fo SHO.

But That’s A Whole Other Bloggin’ing I’ll Have To Work-On At Some Point.

For Now…

…I’ll Just Leave You With Your Thoughts…

…And…

DIRTY STICKY FLOORS

!!! !!!! !!!

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Alright, My Peeps, There’s A First Time For Everything… …Right?!?

RIGHT!!!

Well…

…As DEPECHE MODE Once Sang…

Let Me Take You On A Trip…

…Around The World And Back…

…And You Won’t Have To Move…

…You Just Sit Still…

…And Let Us Take A Flying Leap Together…

…Together Into Time And And Space Past.

Let Us Take A Trip Back To A Point In Our Lives Called…

HALLOWEEN

1998

…At FORT MEADE.

Now, I Know What You’re Thinking, My Peeps.

You’re Thinking…

That’s Not Around The World… …That’s Maryland.

…And For That, You’d Be Correct.

I Simply Didn’t Have The Time…

…Nor The Funds…

…Nor The Patience To Honestly Fly Y’all Anywhere.

My Bad, I Know.

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ANYWAY…

HALLOWEEN

1998

My FIRST HALLOWEEN In The NAVY.

Are You There, My Peeps?

Are You Waiting-Up For Me?!

GREAT!!

You Know I’m Doing The Same For Y’all, Right?!

RIGHT!!

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Alright…

…So I Should Have Know That It (HALLOWEEN 1998) Was Going To Be A Looong…

…A Looong Baaad Day.

Period.

I Should Have Known From The Very Moment I Made Mention Of My Halloween Costume, That Day.

It Was A Last-Minute-Thing, Ya Know?!

So Don’t Laugh At Me.

Seriously.

No Laughing.

I Went To My First REAL Halloween Party…

…Dressed As…

…”DR. STRANGELOVE“.

No…

…That Is NOT A Typo…

…And YES…

…YES You Read That Right.

For Halloween, 1998, I Went As “DR. STRANGELOVE“.

It Wouldn’t Have Been So Bad…

…Might Have Even Been Fun…

…Ya Know…

…Had Anyone Actually Known Who That Was.

One Other Guy Knew.

That’s It.

Just One.

And He Was My Roommate At The Time.

He Only Knew Because I Straight-Up Told Him.

He Didn’t Laugh.

Didn’t Even Titter A Bit.

He Just Went Right Into Explaining HIS Costume.

He Was Dressed In His Navy-Issue Black Uniform Pants…

…His Navy-Issue Black Sweater…

…His Navy-Issue Watch-Cap (aka a sock-hat)…

…His Navy-Issue Boondockers (aka black utility-boots)…

…And He Was Beginning To Blacken-Up His Face With Shoe-Polish.

The Only Person In The Barracks Whom Could Rival ME As The Whitest-Man-ALIVE…

…And He Was Blackening-Out His Entire Face In Black Shoe-Polish.

What The Hell Are You Doing, Dude?!

…I Would Ask.

To Which He Would Respond…

Dude, This Is Gonna Be EPIC! Just You Wait And See!

And So…

…I Waited.

Patiently, Yet Impatiently, I Waited.

Once He’d Finished…

…He Turned To Me.

I Couldn’t Decided If He Were A Burglar…

…Or A Ninja.

Okay, Dude. What Do Ya Think?!

…He Asked…

…With His Eyes All Alight With Fun, Hope, Possibility, Excitement.

I Replied…

You Look Fine, Man. So Which Are You, A Burglar OR A Ninja?!

???

Sounds Like A Reasonable Question To Ask, Right?!

That’s What I Was Thinking.

BUT…

…No One Could Have Prepared Me For The Eventual Answer.

Neither One, Dude. Can’t You Tell?! I’m Going As “JOHNNIE COCHRAN”!!!

:O

Seriously, My Peeps.

HA HA HA, Very Funny, Dude. No, But Really, Are You A Burglar OR A Ninja?!

I Told You, Neither One, Dude, I’m Tellin’ Ya, I’m Going As “JOHNNIE COCHRAN”!!!

I Sincerely Couldn’t Help Myself.

I Was In Shock.

Mortified.

I Was Always Up For A Good Joke, But He Wasn’t Joking.

He Was Dead-Pan-Serious, Actually.

Had I Not Been There…

…My Friend…

…One Of The Whitest People I’ve Ever Encountered…

…Would Have Honestly Gone To A Navy Halloween Party Dressed-Up As OJ’s Black Defense Lawyer, “JOHNNIE COCHRAN”!!!

O. M. F. G.

!!!

So What Does One Say To That Other Than…

DUDE!! Have You Just Totally Lost Your Goddamn’ Mind!?!?

He Had Hadn’t A Clue.

He Didn’t Know What He Was Doing Would Likely Have Totally Offended Any AND Everyone.

To Him…

…It Was A Joke…

…But Not Just A Joke Between Friends…

…But As A Joke For EVERYONE To Relish In.

What Dude? This Is Gonna Be SWEET! I’m Gonna Be “JOHNNIE COCHRAN”!!!

NO, Dude, NO YOU’RE NOT!!! You’re Either A Burglar OR A Ninja! You Are NOT Going To This Party, Nor Any Other Party, Dressed Like That, Saying What You’re Saying. PERIOD!

He Seemed Surprised At My Sharpness.

Dude, I’m Not Getting My Ass Kicked Just Because You, My Friend, A Very VERY White-Dude, Decided To Go To A Party In Black-Face Saying “I’m JOHNNIE COCHRAN” It’s Just NOT Happening!

In The End…

…He Relented.

He Went To The Party As A Burglar.

And He Wasn’t Happy About It.

I…

…On The Other Hand…

…Stuck With My Original Plan.

I Went To The Party As “DR. STRANGELOVE“…

…And Ended-Up Fielding Questions Alll-Niiight-Looong.

Who Are You? “DR. STRANGEGLOVE”??? Who’s “DR. STRANGEGLOVE”???

No No No, “StrangeLOVE” Not “StrangeGLOVE”.

Oh, Okay. So He’s Strange, But Wears A Glove. “STRANGEGLOVE” I Got It.

NO… “LOVE” NOT “GLOVE” It’s “LOVE” I’m “DR. STRANGELOVE”!!!

I Eventually Gave-Up On Trying To Make Everyone Get Who I Was.

I Exited The Navy Barracks…

…And Went Across The Courtyard To The Air-Force Barracks.

Sadly…

…They Didn’t Get Who I Was, Either.

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Oh Well, Right?!

RIGHT!!!

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Please Enjoy Your Halloween, My Peeps.

I’m Gonna Do My Best With What I’ve Got.

I Think I Smell A Scary-Movie-Maraton About To Take The Field.

Sound Good To Y’all?!

NICE!!!

Sounds Good To Me, Also!!!

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