A Disaster I Wish I Could Forget… …But That’ll Never Happen.

I Tried.

I Really REALLY Tried.

I Should Have Just Told My Friends I Couldn’t Make It.

But I Didn’t.

I Tried To Make It Work.

And I Failed.

I Failed Horridly.

I Felt Bad Before I Failed.

Now…

…It’s Over And Done With And Just Needs To Be Forgotten…

…And That’s Simply Impossible.

Being Ill Is One Thing.

Being Ill In Front Of A Bunch Of People…

…People That Just Judge Judge Judge Me…

…With Those Darting, Piercing Eyes…

…Made Me Feel Amazingly Awful.

It Was My Fault, Though.

I Could Have Called It Off.

I Could Have Relented And Said…

"Sorry, I Can't Quite Make It, Tonight."

I Could Have…

…But Didn’t.

I Pressed Onward.

I Went For It.

All Because I Wanted To See Someone.

But I Believe I Made A Tragic Mistake.

I Just Shouldn’t Have Gone.

I Wasn’t Right, And I Knew It.

Sheesh.

The Things Lonely People Do When They Get A Chance To Spend Time With Others They Care About.

Others That Get Them.

Others That Understand Them.

Others That Know How Hard It Was For Me To Even Show-Up.

It Was Just A Bad Night.

The Stars Weren’t Aligned Correctly, Or Something.

I Have No Freakin’ Clue.

But I Did Try.

I Gave It A Go.

I Tried To Make It Work.

In The End…

…It Didn’t Work At All.

I Just Want To Apologize.

And I Want To Keep Apologizing.

I’m Sorry.

And I’m Sorry I’m Being So Sorry.

Where’s That Damned “DO OVER” Button I Requested?!

It’s Probably Misaligned, Too.

Like Those Damned “PHASE INDUCERS” That Keep Going-Out On Me!

But I’ll Be Better.

I Won’t Always Feel So Sorry.

I Won’t Always Have To Feel Sorry About Being So Sorry.

I’ll Be Better.

And Then…

…Hmm…

…Then I’ll Likely Get Stuck In Reflection Mode.

Everyone Else Will Get Over The Sorry Shit.

But I Won’t.

I’ll Be Better, But I Won’t Be Able To Let Go Of What Happened Before I Was Better.

I’ll Think.

I’ll Ponder.

I’ll Reflect.

And Then I’ll Be Sorry All Over Again.

Shit Perpetuates Itself.

That’s A Sad Fact Of Life For A Lot Of Us, I Know.

Hell, Maybe All Of Us.

I Could Tell I Wasn’t The Only One Having A Bad Night.

I Just Kept Worrying That I Was The Cause.

I Might Have Been, I Don’t Know.

But I Know I Was Anย Integral Component.

But I’ll Be Better.

Next Week Will Be Better.

Hell, Hopefully It’ll Be Better Before Next Week.

I’d Take Better At Any Time It So Chooses To Grace Me With Attention.

It’ll Happen.

It Always Does, Eventually.

I Just Have To Remember To Relish In It When It Does Come.

It’ll Happen.

And I’ll Be Better.

And That’s A Promise.

And I’ll Do Everything In My Power To Keep Said Promise.

The Disaster Has Ended.

Time To Pick-Up And Carry-On.

ย That’s What You’d Do, Right?!?

RIGHT!!!

:3

“Strive To Be The Greatest Man In Your Country, And You May Be Disappointed…”

“…Strive To Be The Best, And You May Succeed. He May Well Win The Race That Runs By Himself.”

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

{17061790}

-=AUTHOR=-

-=SCIENTIST=-

-=PHILOSOPHER=-

-=FOUNDING FATHER=-

Craving Recognition… …A Life’s Ambition.

Hey, My Peeps…

…Let’s Jive For A Bit.

M’Kay?

M’Kay.

So I Had A Talk Earlier With A Good Friend.

Basically…

…It Was About, As The Title Of This Post Says, That Which We Crave.

That Got Me To Thinking…

(something that's always dangerous, eh!?!)

…About All The Different Things That Motivate People.

Some Crave Power.

Some Crave Wealth.

Some Crave Love.

Some Crave Sex.

It’s Almost An Endless Stream If You Think About It.

Everyone Craves Something In Life.

EVERYONE.

But I…

…I Crave Recognition.

Not Recognition Of My Looks…

…Or My Talents…

…Or My Lack Of Talents…

…But Recognition Of My Existence.

Plain And Simple.

What I Seek…

…Honestly…

…Is The Knowledge That The Most People Possible Are Reading What I’m Writing.

Period.

I Want People To Love What I Do…

…Or Hate What I Do…

…Or Feel Indifferent About What I Do…

…And I Want Them To Tell Me Which Boat They’re In And Why.

At Least That Way I Know They’ll Remember Me.

They’ll Remember Me Because They Love What I Do…

…Or Hate What I Do…

…Or Feel The Indifference.

Regardless Of How They Feel…

…They’ll Remember Me.

I Know I Put Out A Lot Of Quotes.

Quotes From Other People.

Quotes From Ancient History…

…Or Recent History…

…It Doesn’t Matter.

I Just ย Like Finding Quotes That Honestly Mean Something.

Maybe They’ll Mean Something To Me.

Maybe They’ll Mean Something To Someone Else.

But They Mean Something.

And That’s Important To Me.

Alright, I Also Want To Address Something That’s Been Brought To My Attention As An Issue People Have With Me.

It’s About The Blogging Awards Things.

They’re Flattering, Yes.

But They’re Not The Kind Of Recognition I Want, Nor Desire.

You’ll Notice If You Look At This Blog…

…I’ve Only Posted The Image Of The First Award I Received.

That One Felt Very Real To Me.

But Since…

…I’ve Honestly Felt Indifferent Toward Them.

Namely Because It’s Not Just MY Award.

Seven People.

Ten People.

Even Fifteen People Get The Same Award At The Same Time.

So They Feel VERY Hollow.

Like I Said…

…I’m Always Flattered When I Receive One.

They’re Fun Like That.

They’re Just Not What I’m Looking/Hoping For.

Sometimes I Question What I’m Looking/Hoping For.

Do I Have The Same Motives Now That I Did In The Beginning Of This Whole Blogging Adventure?

And I Believe The Answer Is YES.

This Began As Solely A Baseball Blog.

It Has Since Evolved As You’re Well Aware.

I Made A Conscious Decision To Get Away From Just Blogging Baseball For One Reason…

…It Was Making My Favorite Game Seem More Like A Chore.

I Didn’t Like That Feeling.

Anyway…

…I Just Had To Say Those Thing, My Peeps.

I’d Love To Have A Real Conversation With A Lot Of You.

I’ve Found Some Truly Amazing People Through My Blogging.

People Who Are Like Me.

People Who Understand Me.

People Who I’m Still Trying To Figure-Out If They’re Like Me, Or Understand Me.

I Love This.

Doing This.

Feeling This.

Being This.

It’s Exciting To Me.

I Wake-Up Every Morning Thinking About My Blog.

("What Should I Do Today!?!?")

Every Morning.

Rain Or Shine

Good Health Or Bad.

I Crave It.

Sometimes, I Must Will Myself To Do It.

Sometimes With No Effort.

Sometimes With Great Effort.

But It All Goes Back To My Original Craving.

Knowing That Other People Know I’m Alive.

That I’m Here.

That I Love What I Do.

That I Wouldn’t Want To Do Anything Else If I Didn’t Have To.

Y’all Are My Lifeline.

Y’all Keep Me Coming Back.

Y’all Give Me Exactly What I Want/Need/Crave.

You Make Me Happy To Be Alive.

And THAT Is Worth Everything.

Even When It’s Just A Simple Little Blog That Does The Trick.

For That…

…I Thank Thee.

๐Ÿ˜‰

๐Ÿ˜€

“It Is A Common Experience…”

“…That A Problem, Difficult At Night, Is Resolved In The Morning After A Committee Of Sleep has Worked On It.

JOHN STEINBECK

(19021968)

-=AUTHOR=-

-=NOVELIST=-

-=NOBEL PRIZE WINNER=-

-=PULITZER PRIZE WINNER=-

(Not A Totally) Random Movie Mention: ORSON WELLES’ “TOUCH OF EVIL” (1958)

Oh Hellz Yeah!

I Was In The Mood For Something Really Cool…

…I Just Couldn’t Decide On What That Would/Should Be.

So…

…I Went-A-Browsin’ In Me Ole Collection.

There Were So Many Titles To Choose From That I Was Simply At A Loss.

And Then, I Spied This One…

ORSON WELLES

TOUCH OF EVIL

(1958)

…Starring…

CHARLTON HESTON

&

JANET LEIGH

&

ORSON WELLES

…And Directed By…

…Yup…

ORSON WELLES

!!! !!!! !!!

๐Ÿ˜€

It Had Honestly Been A Couple Years Since I’d Kicked-It-Back To Watch This One.

So I Was Rather Excited To Hunker-Down With It, Last Night.

This Is One Of Those Cases Of…

THE BEST

-Vs-

MY FAVORITE

…My Peeps.

In Regard To Flicks Where…

ORSON WELLES

…Has Pulled The Ole Double-Duty…

…Being BOTH Director AND Actor…

CITIZEN KANE

…Is (likely)

THE BEST

…But But BUT…

TOUCH OF EVIL

…Is Totally…

MY FAVORITE

Period.

๐Ÿ˜€

There’s Not Even An Argument Needed Here.

I Loved…

CITIZEN KANE

…Sure Sure Sure…

…As It’s A Very Important Flick In The Annals Of Cinematic History…

…But It’s Simply Not As Entertaining, To ME, As…

TOUCH OF EVIL

…Hands-Down AND Fo SHO!

๐Ÿ˜‰

It’s Even Hard For Me To Decide Which Lead Character I Prefer.

CHARLES FOSTER KANE

…Is A Veritable TITAN In Regard To Motion Picture History.

But But BUT (again)

…Is He A Better Character Than…

HANK QUINLAN

…Our Totally Corrupt Police Captain, And All Around Film History Nasty-Boy In…

TOUCH OF EVIL

???

I Dunno, Kids.

It’s Like The Old “Apples -Vs- Oranges” Argument.

You Love Them Both, But They’re Honestly, Truly So Vastly Different.

So It’s Very Hard To Draw A Line On This One.

I Will Say This…

HANK QUINLAN

…IS…

…One Of The Very VERY Best BEST Film Baddies Of ALL-TIME!

That’s Another Big Ole FO SHO!

I’m Very Serious, My Peeps.

For Those Of Y’all Who Have Seen…

TOUCH OF EVIL

…Can You Not Honestly Say He Was So Disgustingly Believable That, By The End Of The Flick, You Were Ready To Shoot Him, Yourself?!?

EXACTLY, My Peeps, EXACTLY!!!

I Wanted Him Dead, Also!!!

ORSON WELLES

…Plays…

HANK QUINLAN

…To Sheer Evil-Baddie-PERFECTION.

Period Period.

The Only Imagination Stretching One Has To Do With…

TOUCH OF EVIL

…Is Attempting To Accept…

CHARLTON HESTON

…As A Mexican Narcotics Officer.

Not To Say He Misplayed The Part.

No.

He Did His Best To Make Us Look Beyond The Oddity Of It.

In Fact, He Brings The Emotional Portion Of The Flick.

So I Feel He Did A Commendable Job With His Part.

๐Ÿ™‚

ANYWAY, My Peeps…

…If You’re A Fan Of Those Classic Noir Dramas…

…You Really Really REALLY Need To Check-Out…

TOUCH OF EVIL

…As It’s One Of The Very VERY Best BEST Of The Genera.

I’ve Recommended It To Many People And Have Yet To Get A Word Of Flack Back On It.

๐Ÿ™‚

Most Movie Buffs Pride Themselves On Having Seen…

CITIZEN KANE

…And Rightly So.

It’s A Classic Among The Great Classics.

BUT…

…If You Really Want To Impress ME…

…I’d Much Rather Hear You Say You’ve Taken The Time To Kick-It-Back With…

TOUCH OF EVIL

Period Period Period.

๐Ÿ˜‰

๐Ÿ˜€