… … …
“…I Wish I Was Special.
You’re So Fu*king Special.
But I’m A Creep.
I’m A Weirdo.
What The Hell Am I Doing Here?
I Don’t Belong Here. …”
… … …
"CREEP" From RADIOHEAD's 1993 Album "PABLO HONEY"
… … …
“…I Don’t Care If It Hurts.
I Want To Have Control.
I Want A Perfect Body.
I Want A Perfect Soul.
I Want You To Notice… When I’m Not Around.
You’re So Fu*king Special.
I Wish I Was Special.
But I’m A Creep.
I’m A Weirdo.
What The Hell Am I Doing Here?
I Don’t Belong Here. …”
… … …
I Received An Email Earlier This Afternoon From An Old Friend.
In It, Said Friend Told Me He LOVED My Postings Where I Got Things On A Much More Personal Level.
He Said I Have A Way Of Explaining Myself, My Motives, My Reasons, etc etc, That Make Some Of My Work So Much More Juicy AND Tangible.
After A Few Hours Of Pondering Over This Email…
…I Decided To Just Break-Out One Of The Proverbial “Big Guns”…
…And Hit Y’all With MY SONG.
No, I Honestly Don’t Know Many People Who Would Claim This Song.
But Most People AREN’T ME.
I First Heard The Song “CREEP” On The Radio In Early 1994.
I Liked It, Yes.
But I Hadn’t Discovered “RADIOHEAD” Yet.
This Was The ONLY Tune Of Theirs I’d Heard To That Point.
It Wasn’t Until 1997 That It Became MY Song.
It Was 1997 When I’d First Entered Into The “Dating World” And Quickly Learned I Had NO CLUE As To Exactly WHAT I Was Doing.
But, Honestly, “CREEP” Was Only My Song Then Because I ENJOYED IT So SO Much.
It Was 1998 When The Pieces Started Falling Into Place…
…And The Song Began To Take On A Whole New Meaning To Me.
I Was Utterly Convinced I Was LITERALLY The Biggest Creep-Douche-Bag ON EARTH.
I Was Struggling To Find Others Who Were Interested In ME…
…And In THAT WAY (*wink wink nudge nudge*) Ya Know?
I Couldn’t Mange To Hang-Onto Anyone For More Than A Couple Weeks.
I Did Manage To Get Myself Engaged Some How…
…Although Said Engagement Lasted About…
…Ohhhh…
…2-MONTHS’ish.
All The While…
…Failure After Failure…
…It Continued To Build And Build Within Me That It Was Totally ALL MY FAULT.
And Then Something Horrid Happened.
I Sincerely…
…AND SERIOUSLY…
…Began To BELIEVE IT ALL.
And Then I Began To Change.
Suddenly…
…The Nice Guy With The Bad Bad Luck…
…Became A Total Prick…
…And Became That Thing He Was Already Sure He Was.
The Song “CREEP” Then Became “BRADLEY’S PERSONAL ANTHEM” And I Started Treating EVERYONE The Way I Was SURE I’d Been Treated For All Those Years.
When Someone Would Tell Me “I Love You, Bradley” I Would Calmly Reply With An “I Love You, Too.”
And Then I’d Get What I Felt I Needed/Deserved…
…And Then I’d MAKE VERY SURE The Other Person Was Left As Brokenhearted As I Was SURE They Would Have Left Me, Given The Chance.
I Really, REALLY Did Become The Person In The Song.
I Was Charming.
I Was Sweet.
I Was Playful.
I Was Evil.
And I Hurt A Lot Of People.
It Took Me A DECADE Before I Began To Truly Realize What All Damage And Hurt I’d Left It My CREEP’ISH WAKE.
It Cost Me Many Friends.
It Cost Me Many Relationships.
It Cost Me Plenty, And In Plenty Of Different Ways.
I’m Honestly Still Repairing Some Of The Damage.
There Are Two Gentleman In My Life Now…
…Good Friends From Those Earlier Days.
I Do Love Both Of Them.
I Do Know They Both Love Me.
But The TRUST Isn’t There, Anymore.
And I’m Pretty Sure It Likely Never Will Be Again.
I Know I Could Trust Them With My Life.
They Know They Could Trust Me With Theirs.
But Trusting Someone With Your Heart Is A Whole Different Ballgame.
And It’s A Ballgame I’d Likely Be Warming The Bench For The Duration.
I STILL LOVE THIS SONG.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THIS SONG.
Not Because Of Who I Was, Or Am, Or What The Song Used To Mean, Or Currently Does.
Just Because It’s A GREAT SONG…
…And It’s Come Along On This Journey Of Life With Me.
And To ME…
…That Makes It A Worthy Companion.
And I’ll STILL SMILE When I Hear It Play…
…EACH And EVERY TIME.
😉
"You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" 